• What unwritten social rules have you imposed on yourself which don't actually apply to other people?
    • Don't talk unless you're invited to, because it would be like interrupting someone else's conversation.
    • Don't talk unless you have factually accurate information about the subject, because you might say the wrong thing and embarrass yourself.
    • Behave 'appropriately', don't do or say anything which people might perceive as being 'different' or 'weird'.
    • Don't share personal information, because it might not be appropriate to do so and people might not be accepting.
    • Don't share likes / interests that are important to you, in case people don't like them and don't get it.
    • It's better not to exist than be dislikable.

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  • Why do I believe that people won't like me?
    • Because I've never really believed that anyone actually liked me out of choice.
    • Because I was raised to believe that being 'weird' was the worst thing I could possibly be, but it feels like everything I say and do comes across as 'weird', also probably because of how I was raised.
    • Because I'm used to being the one who doesn't fit in, so I never expect things to be any different to that.
    • Because I hate the person I am when I'm around other people, it doesn't feel like me and it's sort of the opposite of what I want to be.
    • Because I'm so quiet and trapped in my own head when I'm around people.
    • Because I'm scared to be vulnerable, so I can come across as having no personality or feelings.
    • Because when I'm around people who are talking about things I can't relate to (e.g. about dating), I feel like my experiences are abnormal and that people wouldn't understand me.
    • Because I feel like I don't know how to be myself around anyone, or what version of myself I'm even supposed to be, until I know them really well, and that never happens because I've usually already iced people out by that point.
    • Because I know how people react when they have to spend time with people who are 'socially awkward', and I'm terrified of being perceived in that way, but I also know that because I'm nervous that will naturally make me more awkward, so I don't feel like anyone will ever actually see me in the way I want to be seen.
    • Because I've convinced myself that I'm incapable of being seen in a positive way.
    • Because I believe that my lack of social experiences over the last few years has made me even less relatable to other people my age.
    • Because I don't really like how I look, so I feel like other people won't either.
    • Because I'm scared of people having different opinions to me.
    • Because I'm disconnected from other people's social worlds (i.e. social media).
    • Because I get so mad at myself when I'm unable to take part in a conversation, that I end up just focusing on that and completely losing track of what's going on around me.

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  • Misplaced Empathy:
    • Because something (e.g. sending and receiving messages) is a huge deal for me, which leads to a panic response, I think part of me just expects it to be that way for other people too, even though I realistically know that it's not. Because I know what this feels like for me, I naturally empathise with that, so when I feel my own pain I also feel it on their behalf too. Similarly, because I don't like the way I am around other people, I just assume they don't like me either, so I empathise with them trying to make conversation with someone they don't actually like that much, and I feel like it's easier for me to just not put them through that.
oct 8 2023 ∞
jun 20 2024 +