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20: broken
21: healing
22: kindness

they were unkind to you. don't let that make you unkind.

daybreak follows:
  • 1/3/19: "to be fair i did that to him too" "but that's different because you had feelings for him" the feelings are still there, i still like him but i can't tell any of you otherwise it will affect our friendship
  • 1/4/19: i stopped asking you to hang out because you don't ever ask me to hang out. even though you would tell me that you don't have work on certain days i don't say anything because of the fear of rejection again. i can't live like this and always be the one who wants to see you, i want you to take the initiative but you don't
  • 1/9/19: "i don't think he's good enough for you, he's got some lack of responsibility and awareness. if you guys spent so much time and he felt no different, what's going to change this time? even if he ends up liking you back, it's not gonna be a good relationship judging from what he's doing right now"
  • 1/11/19: i love you but i have to let you go for my own sake
  • 1/13/19: don't tell me that you want to hang out with me when you really don't, don't pretend to care when you don't think about me for a second nor consider my feelings
  • 1/19/19: i see signs but i don't know if that's just me overthinking things
  • 1/20/19: i told you that i would be there to support you in whatever direction you take, but this is something i can't accept or support. i'm sorry for my selfishness but i can't support you leaving me to go abroad for a year.
  • 1/22/19: i will start pushing myself away from you because i can't accept this
  • 1/25/19: i think my feelings are starting to change
  • 1/28/19: it doesn't matter if you're back because things can't go back to the way it used to be
  • 2/2/19: i've been avoiding you due to my own selfishness
  • 2/10/19: i hate knowing that most people at one point thought we were dating. the only thing i can do is smile back and act like everything is fine when it really isn't. if you can't return my feelings then staying friends will hurt me, so please let me go when you see that i'm trying to distance myself from you
  • 2/15/19: maybe it's better if you do leave. that way, i can move on as your presence disappears from my life.
  • 2/17/19: i know that you can sense it, me pushing myself away from you. but i can't read your mind.
  • 2/22/19: she reminds me of monica and that doesn't sit well with me at all because i don't want myself to feel that way ever again
  • 2/24/19: of course i'm upset. you don't even know how i've felt for the last while. i'm upset because you're leaving me behind, i'm also upset because you spend so much time with that "coworker" and are even considering going on a trip alone with her.
  • 2/26/19: you've likely noticed that i don't act the same around you anymore. you seem confused and bothered by it. why though? after all, the way you've treated me this whole time wasn't fair to me. i can also play mind games.
  • 2/28/19: "Yeah, you're uneasy about this because you don't want him to go away. Your other friends understand that it's his choice to make, and that he's in a better position to make decisions about his life than they are. It's okay that he's not interested in a relationship with you. It's okay that you feel sad. God isn't testing you. Attraction just isn't always reciprocated. That's how it goes."
  • 3/2/19: dreamt that we were really dating and you were really mine. what a joke, that will never happen, because you never cared.
  • 3/7/19: i really don't need this in my life after i suffered 4 years of hurt
  • 3/15/19: fred is actually nice. i shouldn't have assumed things about him from the start. and i should've given him a chance way back then but it's a bit too late now.
  • 3/17/19: shouldn't have been so obvious that i'm trying to avoid him
dec 31 2018 ∞
mar 18 2019 +