things about being aroace that nobodey talks about (at least i never seen)

• feeling like i dont fit enywheren not even then lbgt community. straigh people think im sick and lgbt people too.
• being scared about what my future is going to be like
• getting physically sick with the tought os liking someone (romantically)
• feeling so awkward and isolated when people around me are talking about their chruses or romances
• trying my hardest to be a good friend and do everything they ask me, because a friend is all i can be, but in the end i fail in this too
• not telling people im aroace because im worried they'll think im weird and heartless. or worst: think that I was sexually abused or that someone traumatized me
• lie lie lie and pretend that I've had several sexual experiences that I've never had just to PROVE that I didn't like them
• feeling jealous and sad when my friends get into relationships because they stop, or at last they talk little to me
• not being able to make friends with men because they always want something more and when they can't, they pull away. or when they date they also move away because "how absurd to have a female friend other than your girlfriend"
• pretending to myself that I'm not aroace and forcing myself to be with someone because "at any moment I can like to have sex or love" but it wears me down psychologically. I feel physically sick and cry
• wanting to kill myself when I meet someone really nice and we talk for hours and they say they like me. i usually try to like him back BUT IT ALWAYS GOES WRONG and the person walks away from me
• to think that I'm almost turning 30 and I've NEVER been in love with anyone. it is very sad and terrifying
• think of the future where all my friends are getting married and their partners are their best friends. in the end I'll be the one left out... the one who didn't stay with anyone.
• the negative and pejorative way people think I'm alone not BECAUSE I WANT to but because "nobody wants you"
• to think that I wasted my life and I will never be 19-25 again, which is the stage where we discover our first love