Suddenly…the sun came up and sped toward the bridge of my nose at the rate of ninety-three million miles a second. Blinded and very frightened, I had to put my hand on the glass to keep my balance. When I got my sight back, the girl had gone from the window, leaving behind her a shimmering field of exquisite, twice-blessed, enamel flowers.
...in no time at all everything I touched turned to solid loneliness.
Poor dead flower? when did you forget you were a flower? when did you look at your skin and decide you were an impotent dir...
You do not need to keep redefining your aesthetics. your aesthetics are fine. your aesthetics are defined. you are naturally yourself! don't worry about silly things like your hair and clothes and makeup, (especially when they already look good, ok!)
What you should be working on is staying physically active, taking your vitamins, eating healthy food, drinking water, getting your school work done, having fun meeting new people and being nice to yourself :) enjoy your friendships, your work-life, your lovely love for another human being, and your art! try not to glamorize sadness in your mind as authenticity. instead it is less than your best self! don't be the one to hold yourself back. let your life grow :)