• "Patrick: Are you baked?

Charlie: Like a cake! That's what Bob said."

• "Charlie: Right now we are alive and in this moment I swear we are infinite."
• "Charlie: I really wanna be a writer but I don't know what I'd write about.

Sam: You can write about us. Patrick: Call it 'The slut and the falcon' make us solve crimes"

• "Sam: Why do I and everyone I love pick people who treat us like we're nothing?

Charlie: We accept the love we think we deserve."

• "Charlie: Do you like football?

Patrick: LOVE it. Patrick: Be aggressive Passive aggressive"

• "Sam: Welcome to the island of misfit toys."
• "Sam: How do you feel, Charlie?

Charlie: I just really want a milkshake."

• "Charlie: Dear Friend, I'm sorry I haven't written in awhile, but I've been trying hard to not be a loser."
• "Patrick: My turn! Let's see. Let's think... Charlie.

Charlie: Truth. Patrick: How's your first relationship going? Charlie: It's so bad, that I keep fantasizing that one of us is dying of cancer, so that I don't have to break up with her."

• "Charlie: Dad, can I have 30 dollars?

Father: 20 dollars? What do you need 10 dollars for?"

• "Sam: C'mon. Lets go be psychos together!"
• "Charlie: Stop crying. Stop crying."
• "Twin Girl: Hey, Nothing.

Twin Girl: Hey, Nothing. Patrick: Oh, suck it virginity pledges! Suck it!"

• "Sam: Oh my God! They're playing good music.

Patrick: Holy shit. Holy shit. They are, they're playing good music!"

• "Charlie: I think The Smiths are my favorite.

Sam: Are you kidding? I LOVE The Smiths! Best break up band ever. What's your favorite song? Charlie: "Asleep"."

• "Charlie: I am looking at her and she's so beautiful."