-
- I can't believe
- no one else can hear
- I am screaming
- inside my head
-
- I'm excited to leave,
- to start something new,
- but it scares me.
-
- It sounds nice,
- but it's not.
- It sounds easy,
- but it isn't.
- I am an afterthought.
- My life looks like a dump.
- How could I miss someone who was never there?
-
- I miss how things were familiar with him,
- even if it was the familiar feeling
- of being let down.
-
- I try to breathe,
- But the more I think about my breathing,
- the more I feel like I can't breathe.
-
- I crave broken men.
- When I try to save other people
- am I trying to save myself?
- Am I covering up for my lack of strength
- by putting people back together?
- I am tired.
- I want someone to save me —
- build an intricate web
- and place it beneath me in case I fall.
-
- I tell her it is terrifying to be lost
- somewhere in between here and there
- in the dark nothingness,
- to have moments of time
- unaccounted for.
-
- I have become an introvert
- because I don't have a large enough vocabulary
- to be anything else.
-
- I am trying to find myself
- in all of the chaos,
- find something that I can call me
- inside the screams and inside
- the you shoulds and you have to bes
-
- What kind of job do I want?
- Where am I going to live?
- My parents have spent
- so much money on my education
- and I don't have any idea
- what I am going to do when I leave here.
-
- None of my friends can understand
- how the last three years went so quickly.
- It feel like the first day of freshman year
- wasn't that long ago —
- like we just met and are still trying
- to find our way around campus.
- But now we are seniors.
- We are at the top of the heap.
- Everyone is looking up toward us,
- but I am looking back.
-
- I have found myself talking about the weather a lot.
- I think that means I have entered the real world,
- that I am an adult,
- because now I have awful gaps in time
- to fill as I wait for trains and elevators
- to take me to places I do not want to go.
-
- I fear my whole life
- will be exactly like this —
- seen from behind my eyes,
- never touching.
oct 7 2013 ∞
oct 13 2013 +
oct 13 2013 +