listography: How do I reconcile...

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How do I reconcile...

Things I struggle with day to day:

...my hatred for materialism and money with my desire to have certain things and to have the means to live comfortably with no worries?
...my dislike of women who use sex, their bodies & their appearance to get what they want with my own desire to be considered physically attractive?
...my fear of marriage with my desire to be committed to one man for the rest of my life?
...the lack of respect I have for women who are comfortable with blatant sexuality and revealing their bodies with the desire I have to be as comfortable and confident in my own skin as the aforementioned women?
...my distaste with society's emphasis on what people wear/look like & ridiculous trends with my own yearning to express myself outwardly, be unique and stand out from the crowd?
...my need for an abundant amount of solitude with the tinges of guilt I have for not being social enough, making friends and having certain life experiences?
...my desire to come across as intelligent and poised with the urges I get to just let loose, act silly and indulge in petty and superficial pursuits?
...my want to be a confident woman with curves instead of having the body of a twelve year old with my fear of gaining weight?
...my creative and artistic urges with my perfectionist tendencies and the disappointment and discouragement I feel when things don't go exactly as I want them to?
...my wholehearted disdain for religion with my own personal spirituality and belief in an afterlife and creator?
...the sadness I feel for those in much worse positions than I with the urge I sometimes get to take my creature comforts for granted and feel sorry for myself?
...my desire to make my dreams come to fruition and my firm belief that you can do anything if you want it bad enough/work hard enough with my (sometimes crippling) fear of failure and scrutiny from others?
...my fear of hurting and/or disappointing my loved ones with my own intuition telling me to do the opposite of what they want & my own personal goals/feelings?
...my passion for animal rescue and the work I do at the SPCA with the extremely small salary that comes with it and my desire to to be more financially secure?
...my unquenchable desire to travel the world with my lack of funds?
...my desire to remain connected with family and friends with the disdain I have for the ever-changing, exhausting technological obsession?

apr 8 2011 ∞
aug 24 2012 +