• my father ever being proud of me.
• finding the end of a rainbow.

my mother:

• has stiff, vein-y feet.
• does not like to celebrate herself.
• has trouble walking after getting out of her chair.

my father:

• has skin that sags, especially on his cheek bones.
• makes me feel like not speaking.
• is loud, even with a cigarette in his mouth.

i stopped calling my father Daddy much sooner than Mommy was mom.

• because we are in love and getting married and i already know what my wedding dress is & you will love it & i have your ring picked out & you will love it.
• not only are we getting married, we are getting married on the rooftop of a skyscraper. everyone's hair will be so windblown!
• i am writing a crown of sonnets for you.
  • i only discuss my purest intentions, sailing down snowy hills in just our underwear and socks.
• i will see you in less than one month.
• i am going to live with you for seven weeks in the winter.
• we are growing older every day, growing closer to being understood as a mature couple. i hate waiting to get married to you. it will happen soon, but not soon enough.
• i love you.

• i still cannot believe that you are mine. sometimes when i call you, while the phone is ringing, i think you might be a complete stranger. it makes me uneasy. you are so far from me .
  • if this were true, you'd be the best fucking stranger on the earth.
  • also sometimes when i look at your photographs, i cannot comprehend your image; i have studied them too often and cannot see you as a whole anymore.
• i pass chandeliers and track lights in dinnerware'd, modern art'd loft apartments every night. i love peering into peoples' homes, thinking "that could be our track lighting" and "what if that was our dinnerware and modern art?".
• i cannot fathom the joy of sharing everything with you, including sofas and coffeetables and a microwave. i want to wear your shirts and my slippers, sipping tea wi...

• we never really cuddle after sex.
  • i think that time floods in after we catch our breath and we realize that we live in bed ((or maybe for bed)) and are ashamed, maybe.
  • i ask you if you will live in michigan with me in a studio apartment this summer so that i can work at the theatre out there; my dream job.
    • you say that you need to stay home for your family. they need you now more than ever.
    • we are always very selfish when it comes to families.
    • i am always very selfish when it comes to families.