• almost feeling a wrongness in sitting alone
  • an eagerness to exchange: snacks at school, school notes, thoughts in a bus, clothing, devious smiles, wrinkly messages, impromptu presents
  • christmas trees without presents to and from friends
  • coming home on a friday afternoon with no phone numbers on mind
  • desperation regarding free time: evenings that used to make me feel so expectant are now, and forever will be, inducers of panic.
  • facebook, always
  • finding everything the snake says perfectly agreeable and perfectly relatable
  • going to the capital without anyone to visit
  • having memories of no-one nearby, near my heart and near my body
  • hearing cheers and screams from neighbouring houses, celebrating the way i would
  • letting the most ever possible out of my shelled personality in front of someone, out of a deeper lack (and it's worthless, in the end, because the lack can't be replaced but by the same person that creates it)
  • my fingertips are electric, but the shock goes inwards
  • my stuffed animals growing old, more lifeless as their fur hardens.
  • realising there is no need to buy any presents while overseas
  • seeing how everyone switched to night-time fun
  • studying without a voice to echo my mental rumination
  • the aviator's dilemma
  • the lack of a silent presence in film-watching
  • the witching hour when anxiety creeps and there's no-one at phone reach in whom to find any solace
  • typed birthday greetings
  • walking by the playground at school and examining the scribbles on the slide
  • walking to the garden in the morning and feeling the adventurous early "getting up before my friend" morning air
jul 11 2012 ∞
jul 11 2012 +