Basically everything i find and discover psychology-related! ♡

I often find myself struggling with the way I see myself. I can dislike parts of my personality while also appreciating the things that make me who I am. I enjoy silence and being alone, but I can also be energetic and positive around others because I like spreading happiness, even when my own thoughts are not always as positive.

I sometimes feel like I am boring or lazy because I was not taught many things growing up, but I also know that I am independent and capable of working hard when I truly want to. I feel like my motivation depends heavily on my mindset and environment, which can make me question myself.

I have been interested in taking neurodivergent tests because I want to better understand myself, but I feel afraid of bringing it up with my parents because they do not take mental health seriously. I worry that talking about these things could make my situation at home more difficult rather than better.

People often tell me that I seem emotionless, but I know that is not true. I simply have a naturally calm expression, and I do not always show my feelings outwardly. In reality, I think I am a very sensitive person who has become more understanding of others as time has passed.

A lot of that understanding comes from observing the people around me, especially my parents. I notice the way they speak, react, and treat situations, and I have become aware of patterns that feel unhealthy or hurtful. However, I feel like telling them what I see would only create more conflict because I do not believe they would accept it or try to change. Instead, I often keep these thoughts to myself, even when carrying them becomes painful.

I’ve always been considered good academically, but the reality is that I study for passing rather than for actually learning. I can get good grades, but that doesn’t always mean I feel like I’m truly understanding or enjoying what I study. A lot of what I’ve been taught throughout my life has felt boring and disconnected from my interests, which made learning feel more like an obligation rather than something I genuinely want to do.

I’ve also experienced a lot of pressure to maintain good grades, especially from my mother. I’ve always felt the need to meet certain expectations and the fear of disappointing her has affected the way I view school and success. Sometimes I feel like I’m working hard because I have to rather than because I’m personally motivated.

Over time, I’ve started noticing the difference between achieving something and actually feeling fulfilled by it. I know I can be hardworking when I have a reason to be, but I’m still trying to discover what truly interests me and what makes me want to learn for myself.