someone said I'm just an optional friend which meant i was never chosen and only a choice of their life, and I've never feel this gloom before.

it's my fault, i push everyone away—but that's because they make me feel like a fool. I'm well aware.

Scared ≠ dislike or hate. please. I've a lot of experiences regarding people so i get anxious from someone i feel bad vibes with. I'm not scared of them because what ever you reason it—but rather base on my past experiences, I'm just being kinda protective of myself?? This will just pass when they interact a lot to me:DD. In general I'm an anxious freak, I'm almost scared of everyone—not because of I don't meet their expectations. (idgaf that ngl) But because i would never know how will they treat me and whatever going on in their mind. I just be cautious at all times.

scared of my own self .

I don't really want to eat. I'm not hungry — AT LEAST. I dunno, i rarely feel hunger for some reasons. Sometimes I don't really like people pushing me into it even if i know that it's for my own sake—but the problem is, i do not want to eat, and especially I'm not hungry.

vanish like thin air.

see? they only take you without your flaws. Live with it. Or vanish yourself.

‎ I can't anymore with this, i don't know what's wrong with me :)))) fuck it. im genuinely going to cry, why am i ignored this time. This is what i really really hated the most—

If I'm not active, most likely I've been just sleeping throughout all day or.

i do not see what reason why should i be existing.

yesterday i went out — got so damn drained because I'm literally not in the place i wanted to be — my room obviously.

I be running away from all the attention because i do believe I don't deserve it at all. I feel very uncomfortable when someone give me genuine concern and care for me. I don't know what to do, honestly. So i just be gone for awhile. Until they forget it, nobody is that kind.

Thank you for making me feel this way. I guess.

it's just hard when you bottle it up. It's not like someone would actually want to listen to you—and if they did, it was an act of politeness and it is not real.

I'm such a mess, what i need is that to disappear completely.