• Mar. 21, 2013 - Silverlake (Home) - Mr. Jansson: Walking around a school campus; he's sitting at table full of people, including my Mom, and we make eye contact.
  • Dec. 21, 2013 - Earthship: Taos, NM - Pawpee: Outside 216, he arrives in Plymouth wagon, shakes my hand.
  • Jun. 12, 2014 - Mt. Whitney: Lone Pine, CA - Nanee: Lady bug lands on me while going to bathroom before hike.
  • Jan. 02, 2015 - Vietnam - Nanee: Inside house with various rooms, decorated with Christmas trees and presents, I have a feeling that this is how Christmas will always be, a warm embrace from Nanee, I see her showing me the various rooms.
  • Oct. 17, 2015 - Mumbai, India - Nana: sitting on a couch across from me, I recognize her as she huddles with Aunt Nancy, maybe they are whispering about me peering in on their moment. I study her face which appears droopy, wrinkled and aged, though full of wisdom. I think she looks sturdy and grown like an old, knowledgable tree - she is our tree of life. After a few moments, we lock eyes, and she asks me "Are you one of my angels?" I reply: "Yes, it's me. Ryan." There is a moment of recognition when I feel our connection, a relax in knowing that she sees me.
  • Oct. 22, Thursday - Munnar, India - Intervention circle at 216, in the den. Everyone is there. Jamie, Erik, Greg, Nannee, Pawpee (nodding off to sleep), me, my Mom who is next to me and very, very sad. I notice Aunt Judy is absent so I fear something happened. I wake up and tell Mom, then I learn Emmitt was put down and that is the reason for her emotions.
  • Nov. 23, 2015 - Outside near a pool, possibly Woodland lane. I sit in a circle with my mom, Aunt Barbara, and Uncle Norman. More are there but I don't see faces. I explain to them why I like to use different kinds of chairs. Hard, flat, cushions, etc. Some I read in, others I relax. One chair in particular I enjoy when it's hot out. Uncle Norman listens as I explain why I like the hot chair, as the sun falls onto his face and body.
  • May 14, 2016: Walking around Onion Valley, discovering hundreds of ladybugs. Some on the ice, some in the marshy grass slowly moving around.
  • May 16, 2016: Maltman - At woodland Lane or Mayflower Jewelers with Mom. Nannee shows up and pulls out a handful of gold watches, necklaces and other expensive jewelry. I take it from her. I see her face.
  • May 16, 2016 - Maltman (Same night) At Neenies house and going through one of her curiosity cabinets. I find a stash of pipes and ivory carved objects. Aunt Nancy is in the background, possibly Nana (these things feel like hers too), as I thumb the belongings and consider which ones to take.
  • December 23, 2016 - 40th SW bungalow in West Seattle. First thought is that it was Nana. Then woken by a presence that pressed against my body, almost pushing me into the bed. Realizing that maybe it is Amy's (the woman who owns this house) mother. She told me her mother passed away and that is how she bought the home. Felt like a communication from another frequency. Something pushing over.
  • February 28, 2017 - 4733 Wallingford. At Woodland lane, in the dining room, was trying to be quiet bc I thought everyone was asleep. Nannee appeared and began scrubbing a piece of the carpet underneath a desk. I assumed it was a spill that Pawpee made, who was then sitting in a chair right next to it. I vaguely remember her looking up and making eye contact with me, but then also she felt embarrassed?
  • March 13, 2017 - 4733 Wallingford - In the parking lot in front of Mayflower Jewelers. Jamie, Greg and me. Made a comment about how all of the businesses around the shop had been built up. Thought Nan and Pawp had closed their doors but then I walked closer and saw it was open. Went inside and then behind the showcases. Pawpee was there and he was showing me what he was selling - candy, like M & Ms and sour balls. He had some high end watches and clocks still for sale.
  • May 22, 2017 - Tombstone Campground - with Mom and Greg at a grocery store and we look over and see Pawpee and Uncle Norman pushing a shopping cart together. It's full of stuff. They both look how I remember them. Uncle Norman's crazy hair.
  • August 15, 2017 - 4733 5th Ave - with Neenie, Dad, and my cousins, though I don't remember who exactly was there. It was more a feeling knowing that she was surrounded by her family. She looked healthy and content, in a way I never saw her in real life. She was happy to be in this talking circle with my Dad and all her boys, though she didn't say much. Just looked at me in the eyes.
  • April 5, 2018 - 1259 Edgemont - At Woodland Lane, I walk through the laundry area into dining room, thinking I’m alone in an empty house. Then Nanee comes out from her room, in a moo moo, and one side of her face is swollen. She says something to me then keeps going. I walk back to her room, which I then think as my Mom’s room and look into the closet.
  • Nov. 30, 2018- 1259 Edgemont - At a random home, in the entryway. There are a pile of Xmas gifts. I hear Grandad say, "There may or may not be Marijuana delivery in that." Then I look down and see a joint wrapped on top of the pile. Nana comes out, looks just as I remember: vibrant, full hair, tan.
  • Jan 20, ‘19: Blood Moon lunar eclipse. Two deaths, one on each side. MacDonald and Dzierwa. A shared hospital room. I approach Dzierwa’s first. Meemaw comes up, hugs me. Cried into her shoulder. Skinny arm. No eye contact. Greg tells me I missed something and that Mom and Dad got into it. Nannee in the middle larger than I remember. Big hair. She defended Mom, the Matriarch. Approach MacDonald side and see Nana walking around, like pacing. Then I see Dad and Uncle John and Scott who looks just like I remember. I go up and hug him for s while. I cry into his shoulder and he tries to pull back. Granddad in the middle on the bed.
  • Mar. 16, 19: watching a black and white film. Pawpee comes out of a house carrying luggage. Dressed in uniform. Young. Crowd cheers. I see him from a distance.
jan 2 2014 ∞
jun 24 2019 +
user picture lisa: we need to discuss apr 2 2014