- Dreaming of a night of incredible birthday surprises. Long-forgotten friends from school and uni showed up (on their bicycles). I lived above a restaurant and our old cat Lili was there. It felt very special and cosy. Dreams are one of the few things that give me solace these days. Sometimes I sleep for hours and hours because being unconscious is so much more pleasurable and exciting.
- Getting to know R. Talking on the phone until sunrise. Listening to a hobo reciting poems for us. Making a delicious pasta dish from scratch, hanging out on his sofa for hours, looking at the hotel's backyard. Touring the little theatre he's managing. Sticking masking tape onto the beer caps. Writing down imaginary things that'll happen to you when you drink from that bottle.
- I had quite a few (and very late) side effects from my vaccination but they're finally gone.
- More happy food: Making polenta with feta, fennel, lemon, dill, capers and cauliflower. / Roasted eggplant, sweet potato and halloumi with chili oil, pine nuts, coriander and yoghurt. / Fresh butter croissants. Greasy and crispy. / Indian food. It's all about paneer.
- Sunshine (even though it doesn't correspond to my mood). Sprouting seeds on the balcony.
- Finding a person who's smart enough to solve Crux crossword puzzles with me and really enjoys it. R. and me solved three in a row, down to the last letter. I don't know what it is with these things but I never get too far on my own. As soon as I have company it's a lot more managable (and more fun, too)!
- Smelling the fresh morning air while lying in bed with the balcony door open.
- Reading James Nestor's book Deep. It's about freediving, renegade science, marine creatures and the deep. It was so interesting, I think I learned something now on every single page? I love learning more about the ocean.
- Falling asleep in a tight embrace. Have I ever managed to do that? I usually hate being touched when I'm supposed to fall asleep. Something must have felt very right there.
- My birthday weekend! On Saturday I made a decadent strawberry coconut cake with raffaellos and prepared sushi with R. We played word games and drank a small bottle of champagne at midnight! And on Sunday we were 6 people in my tiny kitchen. We had cake and roasted veggies later, played board games, I got the weirdest present. It was the first time in a long while to be together like that and even though it was a little overwhelming (boy are we not used to this anymore) I had so much fun. And R. blended in just fine, it wasn't awkward at all. (my favorite CAH combo: "A latin lover with active listening skills!")
- Spending an afternoon with Margit at IKEA / watching the new Disney movie on her sofa.
- The day R. convinced me to go outside. I had the best day. I took the tram and felt like a tourist in my own city. It was sunny, I went somewhere I wouldn't usually go. And in the evening I went back to his flat. I like returning "home" and someone's already there, welcoming you.
- I finally went to a bicycle store and tested different models. I even settled on a bike and preordered it!
- Buying everything I wanted at iShop, a big Asian supermarket in Munich. I got Kewpie mayo, paneer, calpis... and felt like a child in a candy store.
- Being on the upswing. Just a little. Feeling a tiny bit better about myself. Feeling a little more joy. Enough motivation to do chores. Cook a proper meal. Wear make-up. I'm really grateful for R. It's incredibly nice not to feel so alone all the time.
- Sitting in the sun on the churchyard steps with breakfast from the Greek bakery. After our inital plan to go sailing didn't come through due to lack of wind we spontaneously rented a convertible and drove to a lake in the outskirts of the city, listening to Italian summer hits on country roads.
may 9 2021 ∞
jun 10 2021 +