• Dressing up as Vikings for the Heilung concert at Tollwood. C. looked incredibly handsome with dark eyeshadow and leather arm cuffs. During the concert, he made sure I was ok and kept turning around to kiss me. At one point he even pulled me to the front to stand next to him! We met up with Ansgar, Esmeralda, Eileen and Philo. I ran into Patri, too! I was fascinated by the ritual and the lovely costumes on stage. Afterwards I bought a piercing and a corsage top. When we came home, the starry sky was so clear we could see the Milky Way.
• Running errands with L. Picking him up from daycare. When he hugged me the morning after the concert, almost as if he hadn't been sure if we'd be home in the morning.
• Swimming over to the island in the lake with Sofia. Island expedition. We found ne...

• make a physical and digital art portfolio
• apply for art university
• apply for a Masterclass on Surrealism at Berlin Art Institute
• apply for Summer School at the art academy in Salzburg
• apply for an artist's summer residency in the South of France

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• design my first tattoo - inspiration
• make my website

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• attend a Vipassana retreat
• go to Kerala / the Ramana Maharshi ashram / one of the Anandamayi Ma ashrams
• attend Kali Puja (20 Oct) and Diwali (21 Oct) in Kolkata
• visit Amma in Amritapuri

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• Mahā Bandha ("the great lock") combines all the other three bandhas, namely:
  • Mula Bandha, contraction of the perineum
  • Uddiyana bandha, contraction of the abdomen into the rib cage
  • Jalandhara Bandha, tucking the chin close to the chest
• neck, shoulder
  • Feldenkrais shoulder pattern (Seitlage, unterer Arm in 90° ausgestreckt, oberer stützt sich darauf ab, vor und zurück wiegen)
  • Seitlage 90° aufliegender Arm, 1kg Hantel
  • Hand an Atlas oder tiefer, Ellbogen an Wand stützen, Kopf zur Gegenseite drehen, nach unten kippen; Blick ebenfalls nach schräg unten
  • Kopf hochlegen (Doppelkinn); dann drehen ...

• BioDanza
• Float
• Tantra seminar
• Temple of Lika
• Shadow seminar
• Gestalt therapy training
• silent retreat
• facial
• massage
• PI trainings and workshops
• improv theatre workshop
• BJJ training
• Urban Sports Club membership
• Oberland Yoga

• Casa Azul, Mexico City
• Villa Josalie, Sainte-Maxime
• Casa Las Ondas, Zipolite
• Kowalski Bellas Artes, Valencia
• Atelier Brancusi, Paris
• Musée Rodin, Paris
• Musée Picasso, Antibes
• Filzhof, Grafing
• Spiegelseen, Salzbergwerk Berchtesgaden

nostalgia with that special feeling:

• pilgrimage church Maria Hilf, Vilsbiburg (that little diorama with the moving figures)
• Klosterholz, Landshut (Uncle Toni's allotment)
• Huberwirt, Gstaudach
• Marienklause, Munich
• Zeiss Planetarium, Jena
• St. Peter, Munich (Saint Munditia's glass coffin / the tower platform)

You realize that most of the bad behaviour of other people really comes down to fear and anxiety – rather than, as it is generally easier to presume, nastiness or idiocy. You stop thinking of the world as populated by either monsters or fools. You learn that what is in your head can’t automatically be understood by other people. You realise that, unfortunately, you will have to articulate your intentions and feelings with the use of words – and can’t fairly blame others for not getting what you mean until you’ve spoken calmly and clearly. You learn that – remarkably – you do sometimes get things wrong. With huge courage, you take your first faltering steps towards (once in a while) apologising. You learn to be confident not by realising that you’re great, but by learning that everyone else is just as stupid, scared and lost as you are. We’re all making it up as we go alon...

spring and summer

• I want to work on resetting my nervous system. I'm constantly in fight/flight/freeze mode, always under pressure and my cortisol levels are through the roof. It's tricky because I'll need to find a good balance between over- and understimulation. I get bored as easily as overwhelmed. So far, top-down approaches haven't really served me very well (I tend to intellectualise my feelings) which is why I want to try a few bottom-up methods:
  • get in contact with my feelings, learn how to identify and express them in a healthy way
  • somatic therapy, bodywork: Somatic experiencing. Research: Toxic Shame / blog
  • intuitive movement, dance class
  • learn more about breathwork
• Go on a Vipassana retreat and keep meditating daily.

BOOKS

• Dark Academia (more!)
• Naomi Alderman - The Lessons
• new novels: Sally Ronney, Jennifer Egan, Naomi Novik
• re-read: A. Morgenstern
• library
• James Clear, Peter Crone

TV

• re-watch: SatC, HP, Fleabag, Killing Eve
• continue: The Handmaid's Tale, Fargo, What We Do in the Shadows
• watch: The Girl on the Train, The Crown #5, Sleepy Hollow, The Great British Bake-Off #12, Ted Lasso

FASHION

• headscarves (with headband for more structure)
• channelling artist / art heiress / Peggy ...

• write it off
• vagus nerve stimulation / 2
• nasal douching with salt water
• manifestation, creation meditation
• cold showers
• (self-)massage
• nasal breathing, resonance frequency breathing
• self-compassion / a positive judgment of self-worth; not dependent on success or failure; accepts imperfection / self-compassion kicks in when self-esteem leaves us; it means accepting own imperfect nature / compassion is the desire to alleviate suffering.
• delayed gratification: I can have it - in 10 minutes
• start where you are because that is where you need to be
• habit stacking (attach it to an anchor - an already established habit) / habit bun...

Every recipe, whether we cook it or not, offers a vision of the good life, and a way of tasting food in your brain. It doesn't need to actually have been eaten in its time to feel real to us now. - Bee Wilson

Favourites:

• Tandoori seitan skewers
• Instant pot chana masala
• Sweet and sour sticky tofu
• Non-basic salad recipes
• Roasted fennel and cauliflower with chic...
• Eggplant and sweet potato with harissa, ...
• Bhindi Masala - vegan okra curry
• Potato broccoli curry
• Lentil soup
• Coconut Soup
• Chocolate cookies with buckwheat
• Sourdough bread / The Perfect Loaf
• Vegan Apple Cake
• Kaspressknödel
• Pumpkin spinach lasagna

• Yellow turmeric stains. On kitchenware, the countertop, my skin. Everywhere. Nasty.
• People. People are SO annoying. On public transport: talking loudly. Touching me. Talking on the phone! Talking to me. Smelling. Someone with restless legs syndrome in my field of vision.
• Related: people who're blocking the whole sidewalk. And those who ride escalators downstairs.
• Walking behind someone smoking a cigarette.
• Flashlight-style phone alarms. Phone alarms/sounds in general. Just put it on silent for God's sake. I really don't need to hear you playing Candy Crush.
• Not cleaning after your dog. Or actually doing it but throwing the poo bag on the ground instead of the garbage can. WHY?
• Littering in general.

• January: The Substance (2024)
• Garden State (2004)
• City of Angels (1998)
• Hitch (2005)
• BBC Earth Asia (2024)
• The Fifth Element (1997)
• True Story (2015)
• February: All of Us Strangers (2023)
• Wunderschöner (2025)
• Babygirl (2024)
• Les Petits Mouchoirs (2010)
• March: Beetlejuice Beetlejuice (2024)
• Love Lies Bleeding (2024)
• Ein Mädchen namens Willow (2025)
• Girl Powered: The Spice Girls #1 (2021)
• Eine Million Minuten (2024)
• April: Dune Prophecy #1 (2024)
• The White Lotus #3 (2025)
• Niki (2024)
• Inception (2010)
• Flow (2024)

I've been trying to figure what what would actually make me feel better and help me with my maladaptive coping strategies.From what I've learned so far, this is the advice I want to give myself:

• Seek discomfort and accept pain. Don't resist. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable and don't be afraid of your vulnerability.
• Sit with your feelings. Don't act on them immediately, don't try to numb them and make them go away.
• Feel your feelings - don't think them. Don't rationalise or intellectualise them. Just feel them and they'll go away on their own.
• Transform negativity. Whenever you think negatively - try to find something positive about it. Find a way to be grateful. Shift the focus, work on a positivity bias.

Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Anything that scares me? I'm gonna actively pursue it.

an unfinished list

• skydiving
• write a book
• make a website
• paint on a huge canvas
• chat up a stranger
• public speaking (I mean, I'm a teacher so it's probably not a severe fear but when I spoke at a wedding I was so nervous... I guess it depends on the audience but giving a speech still makes me anxious)
• address claustrophobia issues: being underground, tunnels, tight spaces
• address agoraphobia/social anxiety: large crowds, being close to people
• ✔ get a diving license
• ✔ travel alone

• Hays Code
• Hilma af Klint
• Leonora Carrington
• Symbolism and Surrealist movement
• Magic realism
• Ashtanga and Kundalini yoga / Yoga Nidra
• Reiki
• Psychosomatic medicine
• cancel culture
• Michael Armitage
• pencil bouquet (You've Got Mail)
• Slawomir Elsner
• Maurice Ravel - L'Enfant et les Sortilèges
• Naomi Klein "Take back power" (New Statesman)
• lunar astrology
• Miss Christine / Frank Zappa's Hot Rats
• schizophrenia, loss of motivation, dysregulation of dopamine system
• Churchill's garden

• touch: get a massage, manicure or a haircut
• written word: read motivating books, go to the library or browse through the shelves with free books around the city
• water: go swimming, take a bath
• movement: yoga class, foam roller, stretching
• nature: go for a walk in the woods, look at a large body of water / buy new plants for the balcony, take care of them
• creativity: draw, paint, knit, work with wood or clay
• write: journalling to trap the anxiety on paper
• order: sorting/tidying/cleaning, write to-do-lists to clear the mind and get rid of bad thoughts, make plans, act on them
• support: talk to a good friend, a therapy session
• nourishment: cook a nice healthy meal, maybe try out a new recipe
• sound: watch ASMR videos, listen to mantras or ...

• fashion
  • pants in burnt orange or a rusty cinnamon red
  • Profound painters hoodie
  • wallet
  • RipnDip: 1 / 2 / 3
  • Salty Crew sweater
  • Wandler Maggie leather bag
  • bomber jacket
  • silk bathrobe
  • Martens Jadon black/cherry red
  • Olives Vera saddle bag
  • Mother Earth hoodie
  • denim dress
  • kimono
  • Wandler bag (mytheresa)
  • clothing in royal blue
  • a nice, sturdy leather bag
  • jewellery: crystal earrings (Etsy) / triangular hoops / a baguette ring / everything from this Etsy shop

• Standing under a vibrant double rainbow during our MMB opening ceremony.
• Cosmo Sheldrake's Cuckoo Song (and, yes, STILL: Westbound and Down). Attack of the Tui .
• Martin hugging me for a long time after the Effigy Burn. Leaning in for a second hug, telling me that he's so excited to see what's behind my facade. I promised him to keep a window open if he becomes curious to investigate.
• Going shopping with Gregor. Talking about everything while buying pantyhose, toothbrushes and coconut oil. Buying a very cheap speed trap for kids (with light and sound - just for the fun of it).
• A cloudy Playspace-session with C. / an interesting sound-mixing workshop in Nella's chill-out area.
• Space Girl pearls in my face. And teardrop-shaped bindis.
• Organising Wetten Dass...? with C. He was such a fantastic host in his Goldilocks ...

Therapists

• Hanns-Günter Wolf
• Rosmarie Runggatscher
• Ines Walter-Schnell
• Marisa Hugo

Research

• Traumatherapie
• EMDR (after activating emotional brain; harmonising brain hemispheres)
• Pesso-Therapie
• Pathological Demand Avoidance
• MBSR/MBCT (Lisa Grashey)
• Somatic Experiencing
• POP Prozessorientierte Psychologie, Amy Mindell
• Sylvester Walch, Transpersonale Psychologie
• IFS! (Ich wirke präsenter, wenn ich von Anteilen spreche); Somatic Parts Work
• Feldenkrais

• January: Nancy Willard - A Visit to William Blake's Inn
• Marianne Eloise - obsessive intrusive magical thinking
• February: Isabell Probst - Ausgelehrt
• March: Ottessa Moshfegh - My Year of Rest and Relaxation
• Martha Beck - The Way of Integrity
• Caroline Wahl - 22 Bahnen
• Gabor Maté - In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts
• April: Swami Mangalananda - A Goddess Among Us
• May: Kasia Urbaniak - Unbound
• June: Sonja Mittermair - Der Tanz der Archetypen
• William R. Miller, Stephen Rollnick - Motivational Interviewing (cross-read)
• July: Janosch - Riesenparty für den Tiger

______________________

currently reading

• Michael Newton - Die Reisen der Seele
• Robin Sloan - Moonbound
• Phil Joyce, Charlotte Sills - Gestalttherapeutische Kompetenzen für die Praxis
• Marina Abramović - Gates and Portals
• Dr. Joe Dispenza - Ein neues Ich

BIG 3

• INPUT: Gestalt therapy and yoga teacher training
• OUTPUT: write and illustrate a series of Astrology books
• COMMUNAL EFFORT: create and host an event/day retreat

office

• digitalisation of all paperwork / only keep one folder with essentials
• work on finances with Cornelia's help
• track regular tasks like grocery shopping, watering the plants, massage, mani/pedi etc. (app?)

art

• take analogue photos
• learn how to make stained glass windows
• make a series of planet-themed mugs
• Illustrate a colouring book

• Creativity: start painting again, find a studio
• Career: find an alternative I'm truly passionate about
• Calm: less stress. Less noise. Coming back to myself. Less people. More nature.
• Home (and mobility): move to a place with more nature, get a car
• Mind and body: lose weight, work out to become strong and flexible, work on mental issues (emotional regulation, negativity, cultivate gratitude, benevolence)
• Love: find out how to stay myself with others.
• Adventure: travel somewhere. Perhaps not alone for once?
• Hero's Journey, piercings, trip with C. (both kinds), quit job, move, buy car, two digit weight, diving and flying, organise kinky party, paint something large format, start writing, continue daily meditat...

• Berlin
• Yoko Ono: Music of the Mind
• Hamburger Bahnhof
• Rave the Planet parade
• Nationalgalerie: Surreale Welten (Führung zu Frauen im Surrealismus am 5.7.)

Athens

• Parthenon, Acropolis
• make a cat album
• explore the Indie Scene
• trip to the beach
• eat dolmades
• Onassis Foundation

Costa Rica

• Pacha Mama
• Volunteering
• fly to Panama and sail to Colombia
• Evolve Festival 2025

Iceland

• dance at a party
• sing karaoke
• book a dance class
• go on a yoga/(Vipassana) meditation retreat
• Literaturhaus
• Gärtnerplatztheater
• Staatsoper
• Hippie Chay
• Madam Chutney
• Café Zeitgeist
• book an improv theatre workshop
• visit Ramapriya at a yoga class
• book a Spanish class / university seminar
• attend a horse race and place a bet
• visit Africa for the first time; go on safari
• join a gym again
• escape room with VR goggles
• hug all my friends / just lie next to eac...

• Shibori
• learn Spanish (conversational level; trips to Barcelona and Mexico)
• French (finish reading Harry Potter and work with the grammar books)
• book a language course
• ✔ screenprinting
• metalsmithing
• a better swimming technique
• 100 ASL signs
• Russian (brush up my grammar and vocabulary)
• sailing license
• paint on sage green cardboard in royal blue ink, glue it on muted rose-coloured paper
• Bali hands project: paint or sculpt hands (wood, print, clay, limestone, papier maché, linocut)
• join the sofa singers
• glass blowing workshop

• the Hampstead Heath Ladies' Pond
• Virginia Woolf's A Room of One's Own
• motorcycles and chainsaws
• the year of lush roses and nasty ants
• greek mythology: Demeter and Persephone (Baubo/vulva presentations, the Croatian on the subway telling stories about his daughter and Greek wife, Carmen Rohrbach mentioning the myth in connection with Sicily, Demeter's home country)
• the number 22
• the urge to write a book and buy a house
• Miss Havisham from Charles Dickens' Great Expectations
• Björk (February + December 2023)
• Albrecht Dürer, Melencolia I, 1514 (March 2023)
• (Church) bells (March and April 2023)
• Pure Intention (March through May 2023)
• Fire signs and Sag energy (June-September 2023)
• Burnt orange (January 2024)

• 2005: London (alone, staying with a host family for three weeks and meeting Ann-Katrin and Friedericke)
• 2006: Paris (graduation trip)
• 2007: Paris (Friedericke)
• 2010: London (Tamara)
• Stockholm (Lexi)
• Paris (university)
• Côte d'Azur (Lena, Lexi and Amélie)
• Venice (Bert)
• 2011: Barcelona (Lexi)
• Prague (Lena, Michi and Christian)
• Venice (university)
• Hungary (university)
• Vienna / Balaton (Lena)
• Côte d'Azur (Lena, Lexi, Tobi, Michi, Yanic, Christian)
• 2012: Budapest (Lexi, Yanic, Michi)
• Amsterdam (Lexi)
• 2013: Antibes / Côte d'Azur (Lexi, Yanic, Michi)