- i feel like i'm searching for some sort of purpose but i can't really define what that is? i find myself drawn to people & craving connection yet i feel completely disinterested in others at the same time. i wouldn't say that i am lonely, i have many people in my circle that i hold dear & think of often but it's hard for me to imagine that love as something fathomable. there's no way for me to measure the depth of which i feel for others, it's all shallow & deep for me simultaneously. loneliness isn't something that weighs on my mind the way i see others describe it, yet somehow it seems to always be present on my mind? i crave love, i crave connection! but reaching toward that feels almost unnatural. meeting people currently makes me feel as though all the hair on my body is beginning to stand & i feel acutely alert of everything i say, do or even think. it takes over my whole mind & i think prevents me from feeling any semblance of passion toward those i meet, regardless on if that is positive or negative. i'm not even sure i could call it apathy.
- i also don't think i am apathetic, those around me seem to think i'm a rather sensitive person & i am inclined to agree. i just feel like the way i feel things is unnatural in the eyes of others. their perceptions of me misalign with my own self image? i am not sure if i have poor self image, i wonder if others my age feel the same? i don't think i'm particularly critical or negative when it comes to how i'm realised in the eyes of others. i don't disagree with myself most of the time. i would even say that i'm generally quite proud of my own personhood. maybe that's part of the problem though? i feel like i have to maintain that? i really don't know! i don't think i'm reaching any sort of conclusion.
- my self is made up of fragments created by the people i know, but there is never a whole. i think this is, partially, why i feel so helpless in my search of understanding. it's as though i'm searching for something that doesn't exist? i don't know why i feel such a need to find this "wholeness". i understand that this way of thinking is anything but realistic, it doesn't come from anything real. this idea of being whole is, itself, virtual in a way. it doesn't actually exist.
- what do i expect from people?
- how do you measure love? do people choose who they love? i feel like others live so freely
- should i just stop trying entirely?
- do i like my friends?
- do i want to fall in love or do i feel as though it's expected of me? i think i want closeness but not a relationship
- do i just want to be understood?
feb 16 2026 ∞
feb 16 2026 +