may 2017

• fourteenth: i don't know if it's my eager want to have perfect and preferred proportions—flat belly, muscular calves, lean arms and thighs distanced by a thin gap—but today, i ate too much, way over the count my doctor suggested, and i'm scared. i feel scared and guilty. upset with myself, once again. it's entirely the dumbest thing, yet it matters so much. i just wish i stop feeling like this, like i'm running out of time. i feel so caught up in my own breaths of trying to chase the image of what i so exasperatedly want that i forget the time i've spent running when i could've been working to achieve it in a more efficient way. today i am upset.