r.e.s.t

• (r)elax.
  • the first step? relax. stop what you're doing, freeze, and take a breath. pause. step away from the situation for a few seconds while you try to gain a new perspective of the situation. don't do what you'd do normally, which impulsive and destructive. remind yourself you can choose to act differently here and you will. maybe even say out loud "stop", "relax", or even "rest". take a few deep breaths before moving on to choosing an alternate action.
• (e)valuate.
  • next, ask yourself what's happening in the situation. what are the facts? do a quick evaluation -- you don't need to figure it all out, nor do you need to do an in-depth analysis of how you feel. you don't have to solve the problem. just figure out what's happening right now. observe how you feel physically, emotionally, and mentally. observe what other people are doing around you. ask yourself a few simple questions like "how do i feel?", "what's happening?", or "is anyone in danger?".
• (s)et an intention.
  • third step: set and intention to do something. an intention is a target, goal, or plan about what you're going to do. decide which action you're going to take, and pick a coping skill to do. ask yourself "what do i need right now?" and choose a coping skill or self-soothing exercise you've learned. do you need to solve a bigger problem? choose a more advanced problem-solving or communication skill you've learned. remember, it doesn't have to be the final or best solution to the problem right now, but it'll be a healthier way to cope.
• (t)ake action.
  • final step is to take action. put your plan in motion. proceed mindfully, which is to move slowly with awareness of what you're doing. do your intention to set as calmly and effectively as you can now. again, this doesn't have to be the ultimate solution to the problem. follow these steps, and surely your mindful action will be healthier and more effective than your old, self-destructive and impulsive response.

keep in mind

• this takes practice to do and implement, but if you're willing to put in the work, these steps can be done quickly within a few seconds and become a new habit.
• you might need to use r.e.s.t more than once in the same situation. if it doesn't work the first time? go back and do it again. maybe you missed an important detail, or maybe something has quickly changed. keep repeating until the situation is either resolved or you may leave the situation safely.