- it isn't so bad when you need it.. and i think im a very lonely person and i always have been. there's an innate loneliness you feel as a human being not being able to see the world through anyone's eyes but your own. not being able to be truly connected with them in a way some higher being may be able to. part of that is good, but i think also as people we crave that closeness.
- a lot of my life has been spent alone in my room even as a child in a big empty house i really didn't belong in, that should have been filled with siblings and prosperity but it never got that far. they say it's a blessing to be an only child but i sometimes wonder what it's like to have a sibling you hate. a sibling you like. a human being you grew up along side. even if they did horrible things to you. part of me wonders what that feels like. what it might feel like to have an older sibling who would have protected me or what they would have said to me. or a younger sibling who i'd protect with every fiber of my being. i don't think it's really lucky to be an only child. i'm told i'm spoiled, and that i have it good for not having siblings, but what's so good about being alone as a child? the only thing that ever comforted me where the toys around my room & endless drawings on paper with pen of a world beyond this one where i would have had a big brother or sister.
- even now and growing up beyond that has been filled with loneliness, regardless of the amount of people there. you can feel alone and have so many people around you. or feel not alone and have very few people around you. i wish people understood that more. just because someone is physically there for you, or checks in on you in the most basic manner does not mean they are a safe support system or that you are not alone.
- i've come to terms with this feeling a long time ago, even relishing in it. but sometimes i can't help but feel a little afraid that when the feeling comes back it'll last forever
may 5 2024 ∞
may 5 2024 +
may 5 2024 +