2/1: going out for the matari tomorrow hopefully, i can hardly wait. i have to remember to get a picture of it at least. wear red for the remaining days of the festival. exercise, i want to do this before just playing games. then, study. this will make me feel better.

2/2: couldn't go out but i make the most of today. i crack open an egg. the butterfly who surpasses death inspires me. i fear change. the risk of love is harder than letting go. bones that ache less tedious than losing to yesterday's self. i contemplate if it is too cold for a walk. my red dress so very pretty, but my heart is already frozen.

2/3: I rest a lot today, but it does not make me well. pushing myself past my limits does. even so, it is not enough. the walls are so high, but who will take them down? when will I feel satisfied?

2/15: i'm sorry my moods are so constant, i'm trying so hard.

2/16: please look at me!!

2/17: i won't show that pathetic self to you, so long as i can do this much. just watch how far i go, that's all i ask.

2/18: it's not enough until I hear the words I want. work so hard for love, but no one ever chooses me. it doesn't matter because everyone sees what they want.

2/19: today is going to decide everything. I won’t bury my feelings or deny them, but I also won’t dwell on this anymore. ♡ I’ve worked too hard to give up on myself now, or to settle for second place. It’s easier since I’m no longer pretending to be someone I’m not.