• wisdom of a pained heart
• do you learn the lesson it repeat the cycle?
• today’s a new day
• you already have it
• the fruits already ripe
• the rebirth of the ego

these notes came to me a few weeks ago. and at the time they just felt like titles and questions that represented a theme i was facing at that time. i've been seeing the number 18 a lot, so it's interesting that it happened on the 18th.

a clearer analysis:

- wisdom of a pained heart - the past hurt, but i've learned enough to heal and keep moving

• do you learn the lesson it repeat the cycle?

- there were old doors and emotional cords that i still had attached to people and feelings that i had when i was around those people. holding on gets me nowhere. the universe brings these things back to me constantly so i can determine what lesson they taught me.

- today's a new day: everyday i begin my day with something that aids with my personal sense of well-being and happiness. i should start including more ritualistic routines like saying mantras, going for walks, watching an episode of DLTS. Stay away from too many distracting movies (usually what moh is watching, lol) and watch something that fuels ME

- you already have it: with this transition in my career and my emotionally-challenging and reshaping relationship, I have to remember that I already have the love and power in me to get the job, overcome the hurdle, and lower the emotional guard i hold. when i believe i have the job, i have the job. when i feel the love in my heart, i will express it or voice it.

- the fruits already ripe: a beautiful reminder that feeds my constant use of the organic metaphor that is FRUIT. i should really reconnect with my past projects and continue to fuel them. there's something special i've been working towards and i always get this inner (overbearing) pressure to start over and start fresh. the more i pressure myself to begin again, the more guilty i'll feel for not seeing where certain avenues could take me. i've also been meditating on my sacral energy - this chakra has been so charged and activated through my life - so why should it slow down now? i need to reconnect with everything that interests me creatively (films, albums, places, clothing) so i can strengthen my root to my highest, most awareness self so that i can continue to foster that seed.

- the rebirth of the ego: i've been receiving all of these messages and energies, helping me uncover who i truly am as a person.

the road hasn't been so clear or easy to navigate but i'm eager to learn who i am. i'm grateful for the past love seeds planted in me, because they remind me of how it feels to be connected to something. and i'm eagerly grateful for the current love seeds i'm fostering, because it's helping me see the bigger picture and believe in a beautiful future for my self.

i need to be clear on what pieces of myself and what pieces are more sacred. i want to put my best self forward, while also preserving my sense of inner peace. let the mirror/self study begin - document this.