2nd. Time flies. It still drives me crazy, how our deaths are so close! I don't know how to get it off my head. It keeps me paralyzed. It's been like this for a long time now and I am tired. Everything makes me sad. how wrong everything is, how much of my life I live imagining a better future, not making the most of every moment, but on the contrary making every present moment worse, being angry at myself for not being perfect. time wasted. I'm so sorry for all the sorrow I've brought to my parents. I feel so deeply sorry. I feel so stupid...I wish I was better... If one day I can repay you I will... you are the most important people in my life, and I can't stand the thought of the pain I've caused you. I appreciate you, and I see you, and I want you to know that your suffering is not forgotten, for even though everything seems all over the place now and we seem to be just waiting for some...

mar 2 2018 ∞
mar 14 2018 +

I am not sure this month has been interesting regarding my mental-health recovery at all. In fact, I don't think any of the months I've been recollecting have been at any moment.

  • This month I've been moving quite a lot I guess. I came back from Switzerland on the 3rd. I woke up at 4 am that day, in Caviano. My first train parted from Bellinzona, so I was driven there first thing. The trip there was silent as usually happens with me... I guess I don't really mind/care... In Bellinzona I bought the train ticket just in case, because I was quite scared since the embarrassing moment I had travelling back from Basel a few days before... but the train was empty (except for a couple of teenagers that were passed out on alcohol), and the revisor didn't come... but anyways, I arrived to Chiasso with 6 minutes to find my next train t...__So, first highlight of the month: my dogg...__
oct 12 2017 ∞
oct 26 2017 +
  • get a fairytale place
  • be present!
  • learn to speak my mind correctly
  • be my best friend
jul 29 2016 ∞
jul 29 2016 +
  • lots of clear windows that make the room bright and luminous
  • surrounded by nature (it will be placed in the country side)
  • cute and cozy living room with a nice smell
  • lots of blankets and pillows everywhere
  • shelves full of books and DVDs
  • interior plants will fill the empty spots, climbing plants will stand out the most
  • warm in winter and fresh in summer
  • it will have a bathtub
  • fairy lights in bedrooms
  • candles will light up the place at night.
aug 13 2016 ∞
aug 16 2016 +
  • say no to things I really don't want to say no.
  • let my sister's conduct affect me.
  • allow my mental issues rule my life.
  • do things that don't align with my beliefs.
  • be mean towards my father.
  • lose days.
jul 31 2016 ∞
mar 26 2017 +

Basically I'm interested in every place where there are trees and flowers and all kinds of plants, rivers, lagoons, birds tweeting, nice smells, sun and rain, snow thunderstorms etc etc etc. But this is the list of countries and cities that I would love to visit and feel !!!!:

  • Alaska
  • Australia
  • Bali
  • China
  • Copenhagen
  • Cuba
  • Greece
  • Hawaii
  • Iceland
  • India
  • IRELAND: all of it
  • Islas Canarias
  • Japan
  • Lebanon
jul 29 2016 ∞
jul 31 2016 +
  • finishing Jane Austen's "Pride and Prejudice" in English, and realising that I can read the rest of Austen's books again but in English, because it is so much better and funnier. I can't wait.
  • series:
    • Gilmore Girls revival
    • anime "Little witch Academia" (2017): making my nights easier! and the songs also!
    • anime "Snowhite with the red hair"!
    • anime "Yona of the dawn"
  • Basel (Switzerland), lovely city, maybe its charm was due to it being the summer holidays and therefore everybody was out of town, so basically it was rather empty which is something I always like about a place.
  • Rheinfelden (Sw)
  • The forest next to the house in Zeiningen...
aug 13 2017 ∞
aug 24 2017 +
  • series:
    • SHERLOCK❤❤❤❤❤ best series ever, I finisdhed the last season in one night, I have no words... it is so well done...
    • anime 'Arslan Senki'
    • FRIENDS!!!!! just started it again
    • "Anne with an 'e'"!!!!!!!!
  • movies:
    • 'Midsummer night's dream' !!!!!
    • 'The sound of music' :'''''') after a long time...
  • books:
    • 'My life on the road' by Gloria Steinem
    • Daphne du Maurier's 'Rebecca'
  • MILEY'S NEW SONG: 'MALIBU' it has the best vibe for me right now, it cheers me up,...
apr 15 2017 ∞
jun 12 2017 +
  • buy a tripod
  • buy some vintage clothes and stuff
  • (research and maybe buy second-hand phone (ebay, backmarket))
mar 26 2017 ∞
mar 29 2017 +
  • rediscovering how much I love reading (thanks to Jane Austen and Kate Morton mainly).
  • series: 'The Crown', 'Stranger things', AVATAR (The Last Airbender & The Leyend of Korra)
  • movies: 'Brooklyn', 'Bridget Jones' baby', STAR WARS (everything), 'Romance in Tokyo', Studio Ghibli's
  • sites: goodreads, listography, tumblr, insta, pordede, youtube, kissanime.tv
  • discovering FLEETWOOD MAC
  • finding my long lost respect for nature. Nature is my home.
  • witchcraft
  • journaling!
  • knowing that I am missing a big part of my soul.
  • growing plants in my room.
  • my room.
  • my doggy Piña.
dec 29 2016 ∞
mar 3 2017 +
  • "Avatar: The Leyend of Korra"
  • Jane Austen's "Emma"
  • seasonal changes

- it's being a hard, ugly month. I'm so upset and angry with myself. I hate knowing what to do to find what's missed inside of me,and still not doing it. I hate myself for that. My mind is just fooling me with nonsensical "fears", and I am believeing it. I can't go on like this anymore, I don't see myself trying to change things for the better. I am uncapable and an idiot. life is shit and I wish I had never been born. (October 9th, 2016)

  • Kate Morton's "The forgotten garden"
  • "Fairy Tail"

- (update from Nov. 2nd.): I can't stand myself and what I'm becoming (bitter, angry, hopeless, useless). I can't control myself and my thoughts, and I'm angry at m...

oct 9 2016 ∞
dec 29 2016 +
  • the "para mí" list I made on Spotify. It's for when I'm not feeling it when I'm alone in Madrid.
  • "Requisitos para ser una persona normal" a cute movie made by spanish actress and director Leticia Dolera. Loved everything about it, me and my parents had the best time watching it. The dresses of María were adorable.
  • the night my parents and I went out for dinner. It was August 12th, the night when shooting stars were the most noticeable. My dad took us to a darker part of the neighbourhood he knew about, and we were able to see three shooting stars. It was a beautiful night.
  • "Sense and sensibility" by Jane Austen. It's the only book I have been able to read due to my concentration being the worst these past months.
aug 16 2016 ∞
sep 2 2016 +
  • ir al planetario!
  • tarde en el Retiro: llevar un libro, cámara de fotos, cuaderno, bolis...
  • visitar el Prado (por las tardes es gratis para estudiantes)
  • perderme por ahí
  • tuuu libreria
  • actividades gratis en Madrid!
  • sentarme en algún punto concreto y observar
  • meditar!
  • clase de yoga
  • ir al teatro
  • redecorate and organize my place
  • investigar
  • pet
  • hacer manualidades
  • sesiones de fotos
  • aprender brujería
  • ir a las cafeterías de Lavapiés

UPDATE!: I broke down, though I knew I wo...

aug 19 2016 ∞
aug 2 2017 +
  • Cities & villages & places:
    • Milano (Italia): Galleria d'arte Moderna, Duomo, Castello Sforzesco, Museo Poldi Pezzoli, Pinacoteca di Brera
    • GAMBAROGNO, specially Caviano (Ticino, Switzerland).
    • Bellinzona (Switzerland)
    • Swiss part of Lago Maggiore
  • Discoveries (there have been many)
  • Books:
    • The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood
    • My beloved Pride and Prejudice by my beloved Jane Austen
  • Coffee
  • My beloved Gilmore Girls
  • My hairy legs
  • My notebooks and writings.
  • Swiss flowers and trees and forests.
aug 2 2017 ∞
aug 2 2017 +
  • trip to Ribadesella, from the 17th to the 18th; and also on the weekend of the 23rd.
jun 19 2017 ∞
jul 13 2017 +
  • almond trees
  • tiny flowers
  • LANA DEL REY's new single Love and the 'Honeymoon' album, which I don't know why I had never listened to.
  • movies: so far this month (as I'm writing this, 6 days) I have seen at least 10 movies, and I think I've loved all of them thankfully:
    • 'Suite Française'
    • 'The dutchess'
    • 'The Imitation game'
    • 'The nun's story'
    • 'Gilda' and therefore Rita Hayworth and Humphrey.
    • 'The young Victoria'
  • my mother's cousin Chini. well all of the family are great. The husband of another cousin of my mother, who is a vegetarian, bought me a book of vegan recipes for m...
mar 6 2017 ∞
apr 1 2017 +
  • my birthday was on the 15th. I spent the morning with my lovely dog. at 1pm, I got a delivery from the florist's: my mum had selected beautiful red tulips and a weird succulent. It made me really happy, because in this family it is very unusual that somebody thinks of flowers as a gift. I loved the packaging and presentation of the flowers. everything was lovely and I was thrilled with joy! I also got Charlotte Brontë's book "Villette" which I'm very excited to read. On the evening, my dad, my dog, and I went for a little walk in the woods. the sun was setting, but the temperature was quite warm. We saw four deers, which I felt like another gift from Mother Nature. It all was very silent and quiet, everything we could hear was birds tweeting, trees creaking, and the river flowing. it was magical. We left Piña at home, and dad and I went out to t...
feb 25 2017 ∞
feb 28 2017 +
  • movies:
    • The Bélier family
    • ROGUE ONE <3
    • Funny Face
    • Sabrina
  • series:
    • 'Star Butterfly vs. the forces of evil'
  • 'Jane Eyre'
jan 12 2017 ∞
jan 27 2017 +
  • the weather is being lovely finally... lots of clouds, the air is chilly, leaves constantly falling... it rained 2 days ago!!
  • my new haircut! it is super short and I love it, it makes me feel so nice.
  • my inspiration is slowly coming back... I am working on a lot of stuff...
  • Mamá will always be my #1
  • the 3 photo shoots I've done this month!
  • "Harry Potter and the cursed child"
sep 15 2016 ∞
oct 1 2016 +
  • He has a subtle dimple on his right cheek that is only perceived when he smiles.
  • He tends to stick his tongue out when he is putting something in his mouth.
  • He is obsessive and caring, everything he does is for others and not for himself.
  • He has little warts under both of his eyes.
  • He can identify every car by brand and model only watching it for a second.
  • He gets emotional easily.
  • He has the best sense of orientation. He is like a gps.
  • He is a hard-worker and likes to do everything correctly.
  • He is quite pesimistic towards me, my mother, and my sister. It is something that does no good to our mental health. I am really affected by that.
  • He likes making jokes about everything.
  • He likes hiking and trekking, tennis, and...
jul 31 2016 ∞
dec 29 2016 +