This time is crazy, scary, very upsetting. Today completes week number 5 in quarantine here in Spain. and it seems like we still have a long way to go. To summarise my quarantine, first two weeks went alright. Week number 3 I started feeling the anxiety building up. I felt unmotivated, stressed, angry at myself and the world in general, extremely worried about the future of this planet, sad, disappointed. Also, in urgent need of some time alone. Living with family is not easy, especially under lockdown.

I have spent the last two or three days I think (honestly I don't know, time seems unreal now) crying just out of pure accumulated tension. Nothing particular happened. I just couldn't go on with my daily routines without wanting to scream at the walls. It's been dreadful, honestly.

But then again, I am one of the lucky ones. I can stay inside, my family as well. The family income is still intact. We have been able to stock up on rice, pasta and such. And, for now, everything is still relatively fine. We are all safe, we can protect ourselves. I should count my blessings instead of complaining here. It could be so much worse.

But then the ego comes in and spoils everything. How am I going to find a job when all this is 'over'? who is going to hire me? I have no relevant experience, no skills, almost no background. How can I make myself employable? What if I create my own business? but doing what?! How am I going to live? I don't want to be here forever! a burden for my parents. Hating myself everyday more and more. I want to live a meaningful life! I want to experience different things! I want to see the world! The longing for freedom is what destroys me. I just wish I had done things differently when I could have. There were so many things I was too scared to do because it was 'financially inconvenient' or because the situation just wasn't perfect. "It is not the time" I'd keep on telling myself. Like there ever was a financially convenient time. The situation is never going to be 'perfect.' So you might as well do what you want to do if you can.