• there is nothing under your bed
• there is nothing in your closet
• your parents are most likely actually your parents, regardless of what the faceless old women who secretly lives in your home might tell you
• do not fear the black helicopters or the black windowless school buses that circle your block at night
• you need not be afraid of the boogeyman; there hasn't been a sighting of the boogeyman for several months, or at least a couple weeks
• and yes, you will die, but probably not until everyone you know is already dead too- your parents, your friends, your pets- each death leaving a small but irreparable scar on your not yet still still-beating heart
• the living tell the dying not to leave and the dying do not listen. the dying tell...

the city council announces the opening of a new dog park. they would like to remind everyone that dogs are not allowed in the dog park. people are not allowed in the dog park. it is possible you will see hooded figures in the dog park - do not approach them. do not approach the dog park. the fence is electrified and highly dangerous. try not to look at the dog park, and especially do not look for any period of time at the hooded figures. the dog park will not harm you.

a new man came into town today. who is he? what does he want from us? why his perfect and beautiful haircut? why his perfect and beautiful coat? he says he is a scientist. well, we have all been scientists at one point or another in our lives.

no one does a slice like big rico. no one.

i fear for anyone caught between what they know and what they don't yet know that they don't know.

the night vale business association is proud to announce the opening of the brand new night vale harbor and waterfront recreation area. now there is some concern about the fact that, given ..._actual water_ at the waterfront... and that is a defin...

• emotions you don't understand upon viewing a sunset
• lost pets, found
• lost pets, unfound
• a secret lost pet city on the moon
• trees that see
• restaurants that hear
• a void that thinks
• a face half-seen just before falling asleep
• trembling hands reaching for desperately needed items
• sandwiches
• silence when there should be noise
• noise when there should be silence
• nothing when you want something
• something when you thought there was nothing
• clear, plastic binder sheets
• scented dryer sheets
• rain coming down in sheets