the city council announces the opening of a new dog park. they would like to remind everyone that dogs are not allowed in the dog park. people are not allowed in the dog park. it is possible you will see hooded figures in the dog park - do not approach them. do not approach the dog park. the fence is electrified and highly dangerous. try not to look at the dog park, and especially do not look for any period of time at the hooded figures. the dog park will not harm you.

a new man came into town today. who is he? what does he want from us? why his perfect and beautiful haircut? why his perfect and beautiful coat? he says he is a scientist. well, we have all been scientists at one point or another in our lives.

no one does a slice like big rico. no one.

i fear for anyone caught between what they know and what they don't yet know that they don't know.

the night vale business association is proud to announce the opening of the brand new night vale harbor and waterfront recreation area. now there is some concern about the fact that, given we are in the middle of a desert, there is no actual water at the waterfront... and that is a definite drawback, i agree.

guns don't kill people, it's impossible to be killed by a gun; we are all invincible to bullets and it's a miracle!

lights, seen in the sky above the arby's... not the glowing sign of arby's - something higher and beyond that. we know the difference, we've caught onto their game. we understand the lights above arby's, game; invaders from another world. ladies and gentlemen, the future is here... and it's about 100 feet above the arby's.

the weather

the city council would like to remind you about the tiered heavens and the hierarchy of angels. the reminder is that you should not know anything about this.

now for a brief public service announcement: alligators. can they kill your children? yes. along those lines, to get personal for a moment, i think the best way to die would to be swallowed by a giant snake - going feet first and whole into a slimy maw would give your life perfect symmetry.

carlos looked nervous. i've never seen that kind of look on someone with that strong of a jaw.