dear andrew,

i want to be just like you. i don't know how else to explain it other than that. this isn't in a romantic way or anything, but i want to be like you when i grow up. i want it to seem like i know everything. i want the aura you have, you know what i mean? you're so... assertive, yet you're still soft spoken. how do i go about achieving something like that? you're such an inspiration for me, honestly. this sounds dumb, but it's true.

i can't stop thinking about you. everything i do to forget you always just brings me back to you. i can't listen to 'million dollar man' by lana del rey without immediately picturing your face. it's a legitimate issue, because that's one of my favourite songs. it's just stuck in my head, and it's not showing any signs of coming out. there's actually a number of songs like that. including 'teacher's pet' by ...

dear andrew,

i'm not quite sure why i decided that using your name and not using saturn's name was alright, but i guess i'll just stick with it because it feels right. i should probably be referring to you as mr. (name) to be respectful and whatever, but it feel so much more intimate and special to use your first name, if that makes any sense? it lets me pretend i knew you personally. it makes my attachment to you feel more real, more genuine, more substantial than just some silly little crush. but in all fairness, it was just a silly little crush. i never actually learned anything of substance about you, only surface level details anyone could have found out about you. it's not fair. i wish i could have known you. to be frank, i miss you. a lot. and it's like a knife in the heart, twisting and twisting and twisting every time i see you. i noticed you switched c...

"let me wander with the ones who are tangled in stars and tethered to promise"- dreamers

"every time you look at your veins, remember that you are built from, and kept alive by, pieces of stardust" -vethox

"we're all just little animals, falling in love and having breakfast under billions of stars" -youphoric

"for some reason, in that wild instant: you remember you are alive, and that means some part of you belongs to the everlasting." -inkskinned

"family isn't necessarily blood, rather people that you would bleed for." -noisebarn

• dust bowl
• homecoming
• waco, texas
• wrestling in dirt pits

• lolita
• flowers in the attic
• the virgin suicides

dear saturn,

hi again. today you said something about not buying jewellery because you just wait until someone gives it to you as a gift, and i think that i would be the perfect match for you. here's my multi-point proposal:

1) i'm a giver!! i love to give things. i really like making jewellery, and so do you. (perfect match)

2) i'm willing to listen forever and ever and ever and ever. i love listening to you talking, i think it's soothing and very interesting

3) i'm very good at adapting! if there's something you don't like about me, i can change it really fast.

4) i'm so , so lonely. like, seriously.

5) we would be so so so cute together

6) we could go to the gym together!!! (i would complain a lot but it'd be super super fun <3)

melanie martinez

• test me
• detention
• teacher's pet
• pity party
• soap
• high school sweethearts

ethel cain

• strangers
• michelle pfieffer
• crush
• golden age
• unpunishable
• family tree (intro)
• inbred
• house in nebraska
• american teenager

lana del rey

• without you

i miss being in love. i miss lying awake at night, wondering if they were thinking about me, or wondering if i would be in love with them forever. i miss the giddiness, the butterflies, the tingles i felt when i was touched. i miss the staring, the effort i put into myself to be noticed, the studying of what they liked so i could talk to them about it. i miss thinking of them when i listened to all the songs about love, and when i read the poetry and stories about how wonderful love could be. i miss the thought of wishing for someone to be next to me forever, doing simple things like washing the dishes after dinner, or watching the stars together. i miss writing in my diary about the pounding in my chest and the fire in my heart. i miss the blushing, the smiling and the joy in existing near them i miss being in love.

dear saturn,

i hope you like my presentation. it was twelve minutes long, but i cut it down a lot and tried to make it as short as possible. now it's about 7-8 minutes, depending how long it takes for me to say stuff. i'm so nervous. is it weird that i'm super excited to present but also dreading it completely? i hope you like it. i really really hope you like it. i worked so hard on it. i tried my best, like i really really really tried.

anyway, i'm really lonely. i want you to hold me and tell me everything's gonna be okay. i really just want you to love me. is that too much to ask? to be loved and held by someone? i feel so empty all the time, yet so full of a desire to be loved. i'm hollow. i'm a hollow girl filled with desires and wants that will never be fulfilled.

love, olivia

dear saturn,

i wanna know you so bad. like, i really wanna know you. i wanna know what side of the bed you sleep on, i wanna know what your favourite song is, i wanna know your what pasta shape you like best. i wanna know you so bad, but i know that i can't, and that's really eating away at me right now. sometimes i wonder what it would be like if we were the same age. would we be friends? would we talk? would you have given me the time of day? because right now, i'm just another face in your class. just another body sitting at just another desk in just another classroom. i want to know you. and i want you to know me.

love, olivia

dear saturn,

i feel dumb referring to you as saturn, but that's what i'm gonna stick with, because using your actual name is really fucking embarrassing. anyway, i try not to show it, but i'm incredibly infatuated with you. thoughts of you invade my brain at any given moment. actually, it's less of an invasion and more of a, i dunno, a flooding. you kind of just belong in there, like you were meant to be constantly in my thoughts. is it weird that i'm obsessed with someone literally old enough to be my mom? probably... but whatever. i just can't get enough of you. i know i'm really awkward every time i interact with you, but i'm really trying to come out of my shell. it's not you, i promise. maybe one day i'll be brave enough to maintain eye contact with you for more than a minute. i think i screamed a little when i saw that email you sent me. i was so ecstatic ...

i want to be that girl. i want to be the girl that people stop and stare at as i walk by. i want to be the one that always gets what she wants, the girl who knows what to say and when to say it. I want to be an unapologetic lover, a peaceful person, someone who radiates pure love, the kind we all dream of. I want to be the girl people write songs about, the kind of girl people dedicate poetry to, the kind of girl people never forget. i want to be remembered as a lover, a friend, and beautiful. i want to be the dream girl that light up a room just with her presence. i want to be that girl.