Azulia's listography
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Julia. Loves green, Law and Order, and TV men. Doesn't like vegetables or doom.

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  • Tits please maybe?
  • 165 cans of beer in a keg.. For 6 people; we did math via wikipedia we would have all died o.o
  • I just called her an ex. ... Kidding... She'd be the emo one then.
  • I don't think any 4 ppl go life have ever tried and failed so hard to get to a sex store
  • Has ****** lost his motherfucking mind?
  • I dont know how you could have possibly be cooler that you are now. I work at 430
  • I am drunk and confu7ed
  • Sweet sassy molassy
  • Glad the root canal wasnt terrible. Are u going to get a gold crown? Bc thatd be awesome and id call u a pirate
  • Already? Eh u have other teeth
  • I just saw rothalicious!
  • ....... Im sorry i guess he does hate you
  • Are you going to commit suicide now or later?
  • Yeah!
  • Im going to buy u a walker that doubles as a chair bc u dont like walkin
  • Ommg ***** so hot and im so drunk
  • Tried suicide, failed
  • Leave my t u w
  • Boys cant resist the spoon!
  • Lord of the rings= not funny. Ppl on fire with spoons = funny. ******* should know. Hes good at math
  • I have a client at the mon valley YMCA. Let of tell you man. . . These lifeguards are SEXY. Normally i dont like big muscles. Sweet Jebus! Cool mah loins!
  • I think that i should throw up but i want to watch bc i think it would be the most awkward boring sex ever
  • I dont want to see their freaky monkey kids
  • IHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOU
  • That was ****. For your information my dick is 100 percent flacid.
  • It just slipped in. And out. Repeat ad nauseum.
  • Thanks bff. Ure the best. Like really!!!! i wouldnt trade u for all the tea in china.
  • Im in the house. Im now looking for a hat. . .
  • He told me this ridiculous story about a crystal ball. He has a ring this time. And im hiding under a blankey
  • Hey julia! Remember yesterday when you were talking about honors college kids and their annoying bragging...well i'm painting next to someone who is making me want to shoot myself...he just keeps going and going
  • Why are you like a horse?
    • Because... Arghhrghhargh
  • Man. she needs to stop with the boyfriend. they are all jerks and she goes through them like underware. haha. sorry.
  • No. i think it was just the water and air pressure changing in her taint.
  • Too bad i cant make fun of ur cheer... Arghhhargg because u didnt have one!
  • We gots pudding!
  • Sucks to be you. Cuz' i gots puddin'!
  • Yeah, but my brothers don't look like ******. In fact, they are hot or so I've heard.
  • well congrats on still grasping punctuation. Do you still have my roommate?
  • I love you too, drinkie
  • Weve been waiting for **** for 40 minutes and hes been locked in his room and just said ok ill hurry up
  • If cake is all you need to have an orgasm them you are lucky
  • You're cable is dead?
  • Living with ***** is like living with a small child who has down syndrome
  • Lol away. I was on the phone with my dad for the last hour.
  • If it were hell, ***** would be there yammering on about how great the sex with **** is and how amazing 8 is.
  • Shes a true american isnt she!?
  • Ur welcome.
  • Hi.
  • Back.
  • For sober Julia: You still are my best friend and nothing will change that. Please feel better.
  • You're my BFF.
  • We may be the only sane people left
  • We're officially finished. She was expectedly pissed off and tried to guilt trip me. When she left, she said: I hope you're happy being alone for the rest of your life. I feel that I made the right decision.
  • Theres a cum stain on her lapelle
  • Me and Bobby Goren, just going to move out to some fucking island where my net worth of 300 dollars makes me the equivalent of a millionaire. And I won't have to deal with fucking Lothrop or fucking friends or fucking awful boyfriend or fucking low self esteem BECAUSE ON AN ISLAND YOU DON'T NEED SELF ESTEEM. NO ONE'S THERE ANYWAY SO IT'S JUST SLEEPING AND WATCHING YOUR FISH MAKE FISH FRIENDS. THAT IS ALL I WANT ******.
  • I'm nominating ****** first, but I really am going to nominate you for being an awesome RA. And I'm going to nominate *** for being so courageous about being mentally challenged.
  • I was nominating **** **** for making it to the second date right after I nominated you for BFFness.
  • You should nominate ****** for courage in the face of being a victim. And I'll nominate ***** for being the first person to travel space without leaving orbit.
  • Maybe I should nominate **** for bravery in prompting mental handicap awareness.
  • I nominate you for being the first Jewish pirate.
  • It would make me lol too and, since I'm Catholic, I was going to hell anyway. See you there!
  • I was thinking about ******'s sacrifice comment when I realized... wow she's a fucking martyr. Maybe we should nominate her for sainthood? But seriously, how pathetic can you be for taking credit for seemingly ending our relationship when, once again, I made the actual decision. I mean what a primadonna.
  • Thanks. You made me smile.
  • I just got back...and I hate you.
  • I actually love it, but I kinda expected it. Still love it though.
  • I read your note and I really wanted to thank you.
  • Nicer actually. I really appreciate it.
  • ***** 1 Pigs 0
  • Suck suck suck my nuts!
  • This movie about virgins is pretty much porn...
  • This Captain Failure. Let's get Perch at 6.
  • You're not bad. I want to profusely apologize though. I've been an ass lately and I'm sorry.
  • Cocks.
  • You're not crazy or a bad friend. Just forget what my brother thinks. I still think you a great person.
  • 10 p.m. and no **** **** so far, I think he's ditched me to save the universe or some bullshit like that. I just don't get how anything like medical school or the universe or PMADD could be more important than me, I really don't.
  • You've been replaced. **** ****'s my new bff. You need to step up your game.
  • You're welcome bfgf.
  • Fine bff.
  • I have a Senior Design meeting and wow, just wow.
  • Work before play; its sign of a true american... I do regret my absence if ***** was there
  • We have to go. Chimichongas.
  • Sleepy...
  • Proving to her that I am above her petty ways. Guilt trip her equals more misery for her and smiles for me.
  • I made my point clear before and I'm not a dick that would forget a birthday. By the way... do you want a Doors DVD?
  • ***** will likely mourn it more so than OJ's freedom.
  • I miss my mom. (And you.)
  • Heyyy u whats crackin?
    • drunk man
      • Holy shit!!
    • You're a great American
      • Nonono u are thank u 4 everything
    • where are you?
      • ****** and ****s place r there any girls ther who will sex me
    • no
  • I FUCKING LOVE YOU, TOO, JULIA GULIA!
  • Oh goodness yes. It was the sweetest most drunkest voicemail ever.
  • I missed you this weekend and I hope you can forgive me.
  • Whee Obama!
  • Thank prettiest girl in the whole wide world... I mean Grossy McGrossPants
  • I'm smiling. yo.
  • Is ** coming tomorrow to half price because ***** wants get away from **** and ** is a nice one eyed boy he can be friends with and relate to since they had similar hj problems also **** wants me to take him to the pete tom to eat dinner if you guxs want to come
  • Lol thats both cute and festive! Shes great, really values a true american holiday like thanksgiving; im just wowed
  • Omg ur great but ***** is awesome
  • DARY!
  • I just saw a black squirrel. Tell *** it would appear that they have been breeding.
  • Yes! Squirrel comeback! Get psyched!
  • Yeah. Ooh! I had a glass of dry red wine at dinner today, but I didn't like it. It was a gross acid taste. Good news though, one glass had no effect on me, but it got my cousin drunk.
  • ***** has confirmed that *** is seeing ***** :( want me to take out a hit?
  • Yes sweetie. ***** said well he's already seeing someone else and i said do you mean ***** and he said how did you know and that is how it went
  • I'm so sorry boys are such douchebags
  • She's a bitch for sure
  • Why must you defile the anime with your hatred.
  • Bitch please i think u should come 2 my room
  • Ok so i go up to **** and literally poke him at the cathedral ball because of the whole facebook thing and i'm pretty sure he officially thinks i'm a creep. I figured you would find this amusing
  • Mwa lover you.
  • So i saw this creepy kid and i was like wow he looks familiar and... HES *****S BOYFRIEND
  • Im sorry. At least u have time to seduce **? Or spend with me? Or get married? Or learn to knit? Im sorry bff
  • I just worked out so i can impress ***** with my man body
  • I had a dream that i had sex with ** bc the world was ending. And then it didnt. Oh god it was so awkward
  • I dream about bad things that would be terrible if they were real. I live my fears via dream. i am in no way attracted to **. Lol. It was sorta a funny dream
  • Jesus christ i just saw ****** i assumed he either dropped out or someone killed him
  • Ur awesome i cant believe ***** didnt say anything about me
  • Thats different... U have to find out if its viable 4 me to get a second date with her
  • :D :D :o
  • I forgot to tell you SPOILER ALERT ... **** is not a full time student anymore
  • Yes well i saved ***** from the nasty homeless man she has to be nice to me
  • God damn national socialist swine.. And i see red... I see red everywhere
  • Because theyre god damn wimpy commies, not like the old guard military communists
  • We just need to ship out all the weirdos in this county and create a county based on wholesome culture and patriotism
  • I am drunk.
  • I lot exot and i am on a speaker and probabltw doing bad things with a boy.
  • **** and ******* are at it again and I know it's them since I just heard 'Oh ****!' quite clearly. Damn my hearing.
  • ima post populate yo ass
  • Arghggggarghg nom no mhgapaRichardnixonmgmhngmgw
  • My face looks like a crime scene father
  • I <3 RMN
  • I think it's time to punch some koalas in the face!
  • The Pete is closed for a basketball game
    • I'm going to kill myself.
  • Oh, you were mocking me, got it
  • I see u I'm just ignorin u :-p Lol jk
  • My dog fucking business is being run out of business by a place that let's your dog fuck them.
  • Im at pink da pete. There is a plethora of hot women.
  • They're all Libs.
    • Yes... Libs with a vagina and boobs
  • I have one lesbian friend. That is enough.
  • Dinner?!
  • You're my favorite person.
    • Really!?
  • Then it fatal-tastic.
  • Do you thank your mother for not aborting you?
    • Everyday. Then I ask the reason she kept **** and ****. No answer yet.
  • She forgot to download the latest update in delicate situations and confrontations.
  • I am drunktee and i love you!
  • BG says goodnight.
  • BG says hello...blub.
  • ...from my sheets. Yeah, they are that awesome.
  • Quit lookin at pictures lol
    • Quit texting!
      • Well played good sir... U win this round
  • Baby don't go to any walmarts tonight.
  • I don't like seacrets. seacrets are why im hiv positive.
  • You rock at drinking Dr. Pepper too!
  • ***** defended a thesis only a Tokein nerd could defend. You are also in a very competitive major despite what people say. Fuck them and the horses they rode in on. You are going to be a great lawyer and no stupid award changes that.
  • I am watching a magician right now that is exactly like Gob. Im not lying. He is sleazy and has ridiculous music and everything. Omg.
  • He just got freshman up on stage to dance for him. Its SO awkward.
  • He is so perverted and creepy and uncomfortable and stutters and takes way too long to set up jokes so just makes weird sex jokes and hits on freshman
  • it may or may not be joe mull in disguise.
  • Tense, gassed, shot at, and trapped for a while in panther central but not arrested
  • Police surrounded 400 people. Gassed and shot them. Chased the up the cathedral lawn and arrested anyone who fell. They followed everyone through upper campus with gas and everyone stampeded and climbed up walls to get away. Also met cindy sheehan a dozen times.
  • Ugh. Maybe we should have a dumped orgy. Lol.
  • I. Hate. Boys. They can't even be called men. ><
  • Ok. I hate them a little less now. ****** decided not to punk out and we're still going out.
  • Ugh...I hate boys. Again. All of them. I'm becoming a lesbian.
  • I met a friend of *****s today. Within two minutes he said i am easily the most awkward individual he has ever met. All i asked was his middle name. :(
  • I find it likely that the vegetables of your efforts will be stolen.
    • That could be a play off of the cliche fruits of your labor. We will see. If someone is arrested on the news and they are wearing a gardener hat its me.
  • Let's hope so...I want some non-**** secks all of a sudden. Hot Mess Express, full steam ahead!
  • Toot toot! Me and you need to get together and get drunk...I think we would be an unstoppable fun force. =P
    • I'm nonstop fun when I'm drunk. I never get sad unless I'm vomiting and I don't think that counts.
  • Sexting is my new favorite thing. If I wasn't friends with my mom on facebook, I'd put it in my profile activities and interests.
  • Mmmmmm... Wonder if we'll be invited to the baby basting. That's what fat people do, right? Baste babies?
  • I'm?drukl...i lover you ane and i just has sex with someone other tgan matt. Ajd feel ok aboyt it.
  • It tasted like well vodka and sleep deprivation.
  • So im texting to look busy but i cant think of anyone except you to text.
  • Quit playing hands with my heart.
  • I made you something in art class.
    • I cant keep hiding smirnoff bottles from my residents
      • This is a middle school.
    • Clay figurines of you and me on a swing set?
  • I just died a little inside. drowning in a wave o' babies.
  • But babies make me...HORNY!
  • Of course I mean impale. We all know I am secretly from another plant. A horny planet. Where everyone is naked and impales babies.
  • My name is not janet. And you, sir, have no right to assume.
  • Fuck you!
  • All right
  • Almost looking gross
  • I just disregarded you and bought 3 cases of Naty, hope that's cool.
  • I lovrwrer you!!!! I AM HAVINT FUB!!! I'm?a sexy cop and I want to arrest you forbbeing tpo sexy!
  • No ring or line where it was quickly removed when she saw who she had to wait on.
  • miss z! we gon go to da ohio, where da gays be at, and we gon eat us some lattes. den we gon sing britney songs all night long. till day break of dawn.
  • Oh god bail. My girlfriend is my teachers aid.
  • Ah. I always knew you wanted to do yoga with me in a vat of bacterial cultures. i can read you like an open book.
  • I have had three screwdrivers. Woot.
  • Yeah, i heard that too. I don't know about these gays. I hear they like to do things with pudding. Bad things. Things pudding should not be used for.
  • i know. BUT WE GON EAT SOME FUCKIN EGGS11!111111!111!!!!!
  • Groins, groins, groins!
  • Psychotic kid who wants to take me to Red Lobster is 17 and cool with gay people ... ... ... I THINK I FOUND ME A NEW MAN.
  • And I think I can still taste his cum on my breath, which is awkward being at the school and all. PS. Vegan cum tastes the same as Meaty cum.
  • Lmao! Haha, I love you. Honey, you can hop on my Hot Mess Express anyime. :P
  • boy this is an erase all sent messages day.
  • I also feel like hell today. Probably the combination of cupcake, cigar, and jizz. I don't know.
  • Vegetarian cum: overrated. There's your fact for the day.
  • You got a job offer and I got to touch a penis again: best day ever.
  • I blew ***. Thus, I've touched a penis again, and God does exist.
  • Lmao!!!! You are like a Penn-area TFLN generator.
  • I made an atheist moan Oh God. The pope should send me a fucking check.
  • Oh Lord. And aww...we're cycling together from across the U.S.
  • Shiz nigga. We be where tha toxic waste be at. Fool.
  • okay. i will bring boxes. why is ***** coming? while i do love the occasional rape, i would like to keep my asshole intact. ****** needs to drop him. now.
  • wow! that's a huge improvement! vampires usually don't buy gifts!
  • so what did he get ******? the toasty souls of the damned?
  • Is she wearing a cape!?
    • You wish.
      • You know it!
  • And/or carrying a wizard staff?
  • Is she making the journey to stonehenge with the druids to worship it?
  • One of my clients from Sphs is going on the Steve Wilkos show!
  • Wrong emotion. You should be happy! Ps i had two alcoholic moments: i went to the liquor store for *****s bday and walked out with more for myself. Now i just got a case of beer cuz it was on sale even though i dont have room anywhere
  • Blendin' like a fiend! I'm the pina colada queen!
  • Well I got groped in the Ryman, so fuck off :P
  • Why is everything marked kitchen when nothing goes in the kitchen!? Its maddening! Argh! Lol
  • Ur doritos and popcorn r stale. Chineeeeeeeeesseeeeeeeeeeeeee!
  • Where's mah foodies, bi-atch?!
  • I miss you
  • I miss you. Im drunk.
  • Im drunk and i miss yo
  • Dude. Mango vodka is the fucking shit.
  • I left the liquid death in ***'s car!! FUUUCK!
  • Mein gott. I have to warn her - OR NOT AND WATCH THE FUN!
  • ***** left his booze in my car and that party he went to on sat caught on fire but he said that was good cause some girl kept touching him
  • This is just me thinking about you. Hi. I like you.
  • Tell ***** that if she is mad about not coming out tomorrow she can sick her little faeries on me.
  • I NEEED A FUCKING CIG
  • Though on that tangent ***** texted me at 230 last night asking me to come over and he would cook me eggs. He was sober. Uh oh my equal.
  • Hey! I never got to thank you for helping me during my drunk sadness fest last weekend. Not everyone can contain that shit but you succeeded.
  • Watching Little Shop of Horrors. Wishing I was black again.
  • I cannot text right now im at work merry xmas and happy birthday toodles!
  • Hint: he will be at your childs game if you cant
  • I LOVER YOU TOO! And I WOULD put her boobs to shame!
  • I OVER YOU!!!!!
  • Seriously? Its an arm pat not a blow job
  • Yea, I mean, I have no room to talk, but she's not small. And in one picture, she's wearing a velvet dress. I do not speak to people who wear velvet dresses past the fourth grade.
  • I just had a dream that **** wanted to talk to me so i met with him and politely told him off about how different i am now but he was trying his stupid games on me so i woke myself up, went back to sleep, and had a dream i talked to a cat on the phone for 20 min Wtf.
  • It was a black cat and he asked lots of probing questions without judging me.
  • Ok maybe maybe maybe ask me when im not drinking thanks
  • Just heard "dontcha" by the Pusscat Dolls. The lyrics are totally you, ***, and Cordoroy Velvet.
  • I just had a bonus question on my computer science test that asked me what NEO stands f or and i wrote 'justice, thats why he entered the matrix' :(
  • Drunk can't feel mt face text
  • And yes you should visit
  • We are coming back. Had to have a quickie in the car. Parked on meyran.
  • Also every time i text the word 'stop' my t9 suggests the next word to be 'drinking' :(
  • Jason from Home Movies is a real person.
  • I WANT PENIS OMG JULIA!
  • I aint gohna give it to nobody, and itz in my phone under cupkakaZ
  • You should have sex during the game, since the crowd will be louder than you. Maybe.
  • But if we win you're going to get the best boning ever. You'll get zambonied.
  • ***** just point at a picture of fire in the book and goes, "This is how much my heart burns for **********." Greatest moment ever.
  • My kids are talking about past tasering incidents. I love this school.
  • My kids just told me I'm black with skin problems.
  • Smoke faster we are fun
  • Bitches aint shit but hos and tricks.
  • I was being idiomatic. (when called out on the poor grammar of "You did good.")
  • One word. Skymall. Every gift i will ever you from now on will be from there.
  • Kfc FATKIDSOUNDS
  • Dude getting n word priviledges is one of the greatest honors a caucasian can recieve.
  • Cool julia. We need to hang and not organized lameness
  • And she is a big fan of the self portrait. Which is funny, because I always made fun of Anna for that in my head. When all your profile pictures are ones you took of yourself, that means you don't have any friends to take them of you and don't go places to have them taken.
  • I'm glad you're my friend!
  • Giraffe sillybands!
  • You're the best. I owe you a tiki doll.
  • Lol lol lol call faily she is built like a pack mule
  • Uh, can't remember the exact laws...I know you can get alcohol at any grocery store or gas station, as well as liquor stores. I can't remember if you can buy here on Sunday, and I think our time is you can't buy it before 11am. But this is the Midwest honey, people are drunk for a living
  • How long should one way to take sleeping pills after consuming alcohol?
  • You are my forever hero
  • Bro time?! Will do. I'll need Julia time when I'm back in pitt. Geek out over larger than 8 bit video games and all.
  • I forgot how boring driving is. Until i hit a groundhog.
  • For suurprise kitchen sex. Not rape, real surprise sex.
  • Haaha its okay. I thought someone killed you mid-meal
  • That's great, because you did not answer I am in a trunk at the bottom if the mon. Also the 8th at 2
  • SO YOU'VE GOTTEN TO SEE ONE?! Is it magical?! Does it sing on it's own? Is it a swirling silver mass of voices like the pensieve in Harry Potter?!
  • DRUNK TEXT! JOHN GLENN LOVES U!
  • So are you still in new hampshire getting wasp training to be **** ****'s trophy wife for when he runs for senate?
  • sorry pudding pop, my thursday is more filled than **** ***** after a cher conncert. how about this weekend?
  • So my veins are infected. Why does the weirdest shit happen to me
  • Vampire would also have to go to hospital.
  • And no, his penis was not in my mouth, although sometimes i wonder if he wants it to be. Lol
  • Did not die. Final Destination lied to me about the prophetic power of song.
  • I like that you clarified it was yahoo mail. He sucks. Find someone else interesting
  • Rhymes with "Internet is made of cats"
  • So ******* is too fat 2 be friends with. just a thought.
  • Just landed best to a life size Bush statue in texas!!
  • Want a baby gator to keep BF company?
  • I didn't but I just saw an ogou doll and I couldn't afford it right now but it may be in your future!
  • thank god 171 was last year. id probably score 3 now. not 130, not 30, 3. im loosing brain cells by the second.. its like im sniffing raid.
  • Im back to 8th grade. i could maybe take the psat now. not do grad school. make it stop!
  • You could also go French with "zebLAY" over "Zeblee"
  • Buck up woman! Hannibal didn't cross the alps on snuffy in one day!
  • I just realized im wearing red sweatpantss an a red top. I look like carmen san diego :(
  • Woman! Boil some water!
  • Drunk text!! John glenn loves u!!
  • Also between my lunchbox and my foldder ppl at work are convinced youre trying to make me the most awkward person at my work. I said i allready was.
  • All done and now just hanging out with the ghosts at Andrew Mellon's house
  • Yay! I love and miss you guys too :)
  • She is a monster. She doesn't get drunk. I miss you and her.
  • R u gonna tap that? Cuz ****** was fucking hott
  • Get it gurl!!.
  • You should tap that. :)
  • GET SOME
  • Ollie Ollie ox en free
  • Very merry unbirthday!
  • Lol oh nooo.. Whhy? Why turne down? Try mr. Sweaters.
  • Idk if he migght be boring, still worth talking to if he has no college logo tats. Sorry he won be there :(
  • Kk im on my way i just finishied changing ill upon whence i hereto arrive and thus.
  • Creeeep style ew cornteef.
  • Say "no i have this thing whhere i dont date ugly people." this line works for me often.
  • Alccohol and cookingg doesnt bode well for thi kid.
  • I luff you too baby bear
  • Thank you. Had a good time today.
  • Don't fret, I'm glad you're my friend, woman. Sorry to be infuriating.
  • Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh. ****** for ****? Pale guy for you? That **** kid for erryone???
  • Things still going ant donno hz long. Up to stop by! But dont kill yourself doin it!
  • Sexy grandpa.
  • WHERES MAH MONEY
  • She likes cats more than kdis? Hows she gonna keep the cat out of the sitting room? Does she think cat us a kind of soup?
  • grandma got a cat!!!! ***
  • Sexy bouncer. Sexy nanny. Sexy hamburger. Sexy child.
  • There are enough signs that a fucking 2 year-old adept with basic shapes could decipher this. This is one of those 4-piece jigsaw puzzles.
  • I KNOW A FURRY OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I KNOW A FUR COUPLE!!!! FOR REAL OR PERHAPS FUR REAL!!!!
  • She's a black unicorn with a purple mane and he's a wolf.
  • I talked to this guy from Youngstown yesterday. He said their 2 major industries are calltech and crippling depression.
  • Precious, precious i was only joking when i said
  • I thought she was a unicorn
  • A whole law book on liquor!?!
  • Im gonna write depressing law school ballads
  • No. He's making condescending jokes about slackers
  • Being a slacker myself, I'm hardly amused
  • Things i learned from breyer: the military>supreme ct, arkansas>president
  • Thanks. Harry flechner>Hari krishna
  • Impressive. Youll have to fill me in on all of legal wisdom j-allen imparted upon section c. I'm sure a 60 second summary will capture the class experience nicely
  • The concert (of action)
  • Strip chess: take a piece get a piece
  • Plz halp im drunk grocery shopping
  • Hurting not helping!!
  • Youre so hardcore with your misfits shows
  • And in other ways too :)
  • We might have to start going to james taylor concerts
  • Morrissey is the original danzig
  • Right!?! Eggs and beer i could live here.
  • OH SHIT JACK MCCOY READING POETRY
  • SHIT JUST GOT REAL PEACE TRAIN BITCHES
  • My invisible friend sits there. Herbert Bigsby Dirchford IV. He's small though. So he could sit on your lap
  • This: today at the hospital a girl told me i didnt look like my name should be chelsea. I asked her what name she would give me. "*****". I immediately took this as an insult before i realized not everyone considers that a swear word except you and me.
  • A/c deasy
  • For those about to clerk we salute you
  • Now available at cso..double edged swords
  • Oh. My. God. What the hell is she supposed to be? A woodland sprite? A jilted lady? A desperate attempt to win *** back?
  • [...] and then said it would be nice to have ****** give her mom one. And I was like, are you MENTAL?! This is the sunshine world where we all drink raindrops out of petals and eat sugar-spun flowers.
  • I wish I had a SARS mask
  • Everyone could feel safer
  • I cant wait to read about cock
  • I saw this bathroom graffiti: "j. brennan dissenting
  • Ive stopped being carded at all bars. Do i. Have that hardened alcoholic look already?
  • Im alone at a bar doing cpa flashcards
  • Happy 420
  • Ive gone from artistic to autistic
  • Once the gramster couldnt get to church anymore, or to the store for her smokes, things were bad.
  • Is he a gangsta rappa? Im moping right now and listening to jazz thank you very much
  • Bigger disaster: iraq or IRAC?
  • Elliot smith is hardcore
  • Walking is cozy
  • Gimme 4loko bitch
  • Stop trying to intoxicate me its only 3
  • Podiatrys a well kept secret like the cult of the phoenix, unlike law school
  • I would love a pimp chalice, and a pimp goblet if possible
  • So I just saw faily. She was wearing a velvet long sleeved shirt that was way to small. It was weird. She is weird and unattractive.
  • Mike tyson=only black ben folds fan
  • Get. It. Gurl.
  • Get it girl
  • Can I quote you out of context a saying "I
    deez nuts"?
  • Prepare to hear both of these CONSTANTLY when we are out there. Fair warning.
  • <3
  • U got ur ghetto pass revoked homie
  • Irresistable impulse
  • Punch them in the face.
  • Ur outrageous
  • Haha youre cute. I have a new fav restaurant
  • Thats awesome. We should drink a spike lee and crank call some ppl
  • Is Liza a little drunk this morning
  • High people can't talk that fast. She's on speed and opiates or drank
  • Dear playboy last week i realized im a positivist. Now my fantasies are coming true
  • Unicorns!
  • Youre outcome determinative
  • You are very nice but im going to bed soon. I dont know legal p
  • Oh I hope I never stop being confused
  • That would be boring and would lull me into a false sense of security
  • I'm almost ready to ride the unicorn. I'm filling the saddlebags and feeding it hemp stalks...since it is unbecoming of a unicorn to eat hay
  • You are well on your way to being able to lend me money when I'm destitute. :)
  • Mother, gonna take your kitten out tonight
  • Does learned hand look like a bitch!? Then y u tryin to fuck him like one?
  • Julia...the unicorn will guide you. Just trust eunice the unilateral unicorn. Shell be riding a unicycle purchased via contract under the UCC. U got it?
  • Allmusic describes the misfits as reckless. I think this means they have the mens rea for ass kicking.
  • Im not surprised youre watching a movie about the exploits of shirtless men
  • I love pittsburgh
  • Serious. Don't focus that hard. Just have fun. Ps- Patti didn't sing. I think she's avoiding me.
  • In a marriage btw us, "conjugal" would mean verbs
  • What thats ridiculous. He can sign ketel one
  • None. They are as good as those running socks with the finger toes
  • It's a Yaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrr, a pirate yes. So, basically. Yes.
  • Sweet. I accept that in place of "sorry I puked in your awesome basket"
  • We dont want poofball conflicts
  • Blue. Teal is evil.
  • I'm a magical sex fairy.
  • Probably see if she dies? It's really just a choking hazard. I think. also, who did you bang?
  • i had an amazing night, thank you
  • finally made it back to vtech and my memory foam mattress. sleep here will be restful but not anywhere near as fun
  • just thinking of some kinky nerdy stuff we could get into
  • that sounds more wonderful than you will ever know
  • i like to brag too...
  • id have to stop? challenge accepted!
  • Oh goooddddd job juliaaaaa. I'm glad you had exciting banging times with a mandude!
  • indeed, think of anyplace else youd like to defile
  • Holy shit lets get him a billion and only with passion fruit
  • being sick blows, i wish you were here to cuddle
  • your the best. and best of luck on the job, that is always a tense experience
  • youve seen home movies, thats a pass for damn near anything in my book
  • i always love hearing that, damn. its hard to hide an erection at work.
  • But you don't get to play with the big kids until you have a list of places to apply to. Chop chop.
  • Jogn glenn love us
  • sorry i didntt get your texts till this morning. been going to sleep early what with the sickness and the commute. thanks, youre quite cute yourself
  • i dont know, drawing a blank now. its like when i was in vegas and they said i could have any drink i wanted. im a bit overwhelmed
  • re: your soul "its coffee flavored btw"
  • Sexytiiiime! ;-).
  • And you are gorgeous and intelligent and *** would be lucky to have you! And I will always have your back
  • good luck with your first day of classes tomorrow. dont let those catty law students get to you
  • I'll butter your scone. I'll let your bread rise. I'll roll out your dough. I'll kneed your dough. I'll butter your pastry.
  • I'll dunk your scone in my coffee.
  • ill put my fruit in your dough
  • damn, i was close. *hug* its all going to be ok. your going to out lawyer the crap out of the other lawyers
  • Law school; or how i learned to stop worrying and love the bong
  • Burkoffs too bohemian for grades. Grades are soo bourgeois
  • He refuses to give in to social conventions
  • Flechtners a hardened 19th century capitalist. He has no pity for social undesirables
  • holy shit thats awesome! congrads on your first successful semester in law school
  • i have to clean my bed, the smells of love are getting distracting
  • lol, ****** was over yesterday and asked me where it was safe to sit. i had to stop and think about that for a while
  • anywhere? has some lame supervillian been up to some nefarious plot?
  • that or shes about to royally fuck you, old people can be deceptive
  • yes lets. and is the law easier to work with than science? because science is a cold hearted bitch with a 14" strap on
  • common, i cant be lazy when i text? at least im not lazy in bed
  • Fine, you're right. I'll be good.
  • I'm sorry. However I'm also confident you can pull off the A.
  • Law school: where dreams go to die
  • lol, ah our porn like hook up. good times
  • Aw shucks, I am pretty awesome.
  • Yeah, apparently Italy was like LOL NO.
    • Italys minister of justice was quoted as saying lolwut?
      • Berlusconi's official comment is "fail. headdesk."
  • you gotta love curves. i know i sure do.
  • Bong hits for civ pro
  • but you could suck the sorrow off a recent widow
  • *hug*
  • I love ke$ha. She says such dumb lyrics with such confidence
  • Special kittens are the best
  • Hey this is ***** in your living room. **** gave me your number so that I could tell you that he is really hot! Like really really hot! I am so happy for you :-)
  • Soo last night, i made out with a geeky asian kid and a gay man... Again. I would say it was a good night, but im not even proud. Lol
  • no, god no. shit no. fuck no
  • of course, who wouldnt? also holy fucking shit that cupcake was good
  • vanilla blew my mind, i shudder to know what elvis would do to me
  • The police: always looking for good knockers
  • I realize my labor was fruitless like the joads in grapes of wrath
  • The Grades of Wrath
  • I heard ppl singing fuck chew to the tune of cee lo's fuck you
  • No i feel washed up and old </meathead reference>
  • Well...idk. The lucky unicorn you got me
  • Our portly friend twombly
  • you love me in my business socks
  • i love all porn? cool
  • even donkeys on amputee midgets?
  • you have sexy salty tears?
  • haha, you typo'd
  • i can see if i can borrow my friends civil war reenactor stuff and fuck you like its 1863
    • Yeah, tear me up like the fields of Gettysburg.
  • Well if **** tries to rub me...I'm going langidinos and filing a complaint that you mishandled him and I will prevail because I bang Elena kagan and she won't recuse herself. And she bangs all the male justices so they'll vote for me. And then you will provide me with unlimited international airtravel. And complementary ice-cream spoon feedings in the first class cabin.
  • im drunk now, thats all you need to know sugar tits
  • id spend all my bodily fluids bukaking you.
  • and stick all sorts of things up there. including my penis whats up
  • ha ha ha, giant box
  • lol, i did. tonight my friend is doing a "tour de franzia"
  • you lacked enthusiam, i took it as an insult to me and at least 12 generations of my ancestors
  • so hes not smooth like a ken doll? mind = blown
  • i passed cuddles!
  • im gonna put so many things in your butt
  • Yeah. Ugh. ******* is being a duck. Why can't he die
  • im gonna duck your face next time i see you
  • for what? more vanilla cuddling
  • Been spendin most our lives livin in a gunners paradise
  • toad. fuck baby peach, she is a relentless cunt
  • archer reference. and damn are we having better sex than him. like logrithmic scale better
  • no . good sexy tms
  • i want to ejaculate my central nervus system
  • We should just cuddle naked.
    • if you touch me ill ejaculate
  • it protected your mattress, did it not?
  • ive already been inside alot of your holes. its kind of moot at this point
  • couldnt get it up? hers sealed shut?
  • you have normal drunken sports riots. we have to defend ourselves against the forces of evil on a regular basis.
  • eh, pretty much. were the reaver planet
  • *hug* things will get better
  • yea! will do. you work on legaling the crap out of those papers
  • the lyrics to helter skelter ring extra true tonight. i may be a lover, but i aint no dancer
  • i just accepted a challenge, we need to have sex with a strobe light on
  • i swear frodo is retarted. every time the name strider is mentioned he shouts out, "striderp!"
  • nah, im enjoying what were doing too
  • No one man should have all that sour
  • been busy being the rick ross of quarters
  • you are being too good to me. i need to think of some things for you
  • julia, ****s being mean to me, tell her to shut her whore mouth
  • go local sports team and/or college
  • oh yea, i make it work. my genitals or yours
    • You're so sexy I could just melt right now. That was sarcasm. You worked my genitals like Link works an ocarina.
      • hell yes i did. babe i might as well have played the song of storms i got you so wet.
    • I love it when you ram your master sword in my sacred realm.
      • im gonna slam my master sword so hard in your temple that ill go back in time
    • I'm going to make you cum so much we will need Zora's magic flippers to survive the flood.
      • and im going to use the pegasus boots to ram you so hard youll need the pendant of power to survive it
    • We are going to make the bed shake like you just used the quake medallion.
  • i had to assemble the sonic dismembrator woman! cut me some slack
  • I made a box of noodles. So if you want dinner when u come home I'll make my little lawyer pasta
  • Ya. Thanks for the smiley. Brightened my mood for a hot minute.
  • stupid legal cunts, all of them (except you). pchem is gonna make my week hell
  • id fap to jesus, think of all the holes...
  • class uses confuse ray, julia is now confused
  • kill it and eat its heart to gain its courage
  • Wait! There is something you could change. Your grammar. :)
    • me sooner change brain!
      • The next time I tie you up I'm going to make you spell words correctly. It will be sexy grammar porn.
    • no wante too
  • we will fuck on her tv and use the remote
  • hahahaha, your tongue has been in my ass. your tongue also touched the soda. ****s tongue touched the soda. therefore....yep, transitive property of ****s tongue.
  • just googled santorum, hehe frothing
  • hey girl ive been hard since 9/11, will you be my toby keith?
    • I will knock down your tower like i got c4 in my pussy rowr
      • hahahaha, you're the best
  • i know! racists dont rock climb!
  • id fuck everyone! ladies, and possible a tranny or two
  • also, dear god amazon sells lube by the gallon!
  • We are sick. Kitten will feast on my corpse
  • Did you ever get high and go to the grocery store?
    • nope, never got high and took a shower either, oh well
      • My friend ******* says you need to defer getting a job for a year and live a little.
  • It's okay, I'll lick all the fries and then you'll have remnants of ***'a DNA on your food.
    • And you wonder why I'm going to England
      • *** and I gonna visit you and defile foreign lands!!!!! And by foreign lands I mean your exotic body.
    • I'm gonna give you the black death
      • Lol 'cause you're black
  • Remember when planning your future, Pittsburgh is the only U.S. city that features the Kisses 4 Knishes program, wherein you deposit kisses and withdraw knishes.
    • hows the foot rubs for blowjobs project going?
      • That doesn't have as cute of a rhymey name, but it hasn't been utilized enough on the foot rubs side. A lot of blow jobs have been getting out pro bono. And pro boner. We also have an upstart authentic Chinese food for facesitting campaign.
    • how about toe sucking for rimjobs?
      • I think we're only exchanging rim jobs for rim jobs at this time. We can offer ball sucking for toe sucking?
  • :D I want to get a shirt that says Foot Fetishists Do It Better, or foot Fetishists Do it With Sole or something.
  • Foot fetishists do it for kicks!
  • if only she was more like a praying mantis...
  • Do YOU want to pee on me?
    • not really
      • Then we're in agreement.
    • maybe if were taking a shower and i dont feel like getting out to do it
  • im sorry i cant be there to fuck the sad away
  • We do all of that except role-play.
    • i think the zelda puns count
  • the best tits ive cum across
  • You wander the streets on a nightly basis to look for dropped loose change.
    • Sounds like my actions are suspicious enough for a terry stop and frisk
  • We got new hats!
  • Yessss omg I want bean dip all in my mouth right now.
  • Here I'll yell at you to make the tears authentic. Ahem: WHY DO YOU LOVE CUPCAKES SO GODDAMN MUCH!!?? CUPCAKES ARE STUPID!
  • ahahahahaha, a train wreck at sea
  • Girls don't like [uncircumcised penises], it's intimidating and confusing.
    • its like linux, its intimidating, but you can do more with it
  • doesnt matter, penis fun time now!
  • do you also hate puppies, candy, ice cream, and fireworks?
    • I dislike dogs and hate fireworks.
      • we cant be friends anymore, you take your puppy parade and fireworks hating self and go to hell
  • macys thanksgiving parade, not everything is about my penis get your head out of the gutter
  • Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! You thought you could sleep in! How silly are you!
  • My fortune: "Failure is the mother of all success." *pokerface*
    • failure also tends to be the mother of children
  • get a job with good health insurance im sure bayer needs a poet
  • Damnit Julia!! Don't make me give you sauce...
  • [biggest penises] 2 Europe, 1 Middle East, 4 South America, 3 Africa
    • no wonder the middle east has so much conflict...
  • no dk is cruel. this is just desserts. she should fuck ****** in front of him
  • I'm coming. I feel like we are both not rested and suffering from brief depression. Sad face. #arewestillwinningeven?
  • Indeed. Shes gonna be coo coo for coconuts when my plutonium enriched plan unfolds by besieging her soul with a squadron of warlocks wielding coconut catapults
  • Wow. Jaguar tears are really paying dividends
  • #fuckthekids. #thefcccantprotectthemandneithercanwe
  • My testimony: my life would be fucked and miserable without Julia, so I imagine yours is too now. Too presumptuous? I don't think. Goodnight!
  • My room looks like a second bomb went off. Scattering the remains of the first
  • I'm druuuunk!!!! And people are taking of their shirts and whipping round their head's!!!! Not me thi!!!!
  • Now I'm washing a fight!!!
  • E is also the last letter is face. As in urs is ugly. BURN!!
  • BEAN DIP WILL BE IN OUR MOUTHS SOON!!!!
  • I am going to name my fists Steamship Zero and The Appler.
  • I'm gonna lease a place on the nut and call it: #thenut
  • ****** is trying to climb up a slide.
    • Take a pic of her in the ambulance
  • Wanda... you read my mind with such clairvoyance
  • Raul's pizza closed?
    • Yes, about 3 weeks ago. We will have to find a new location for your wedding reception.
  • Ty. If **** says or does anything to piss me off today I will tear her a new one. Srsly. So serious I don't use vowels.
    • You used vowels in vowels.
      • I ht y. Wt. Smtms "y" s vwl. Sht. Ht.
    • Y is not a vowel in you, you're safe.
      • Ht y.
    • "hot you"? I'm hot! Thanks :)
      • Gr.
  • Well I am your husband. And we live in a magical garden
  • I'm going to get high. Right now. And then I'll be better...than you...and everything...and I will crow at the moon
  • holding you to the promise of unlimited access to ***** **** :P
  • text jump high five! just have to decide who to concentrate on :/
  • Yessss! Bean dip all over our mouths and inside us. (too far?)
  • I shout at randoms in a fake latina accent
  • The unbeatable team sports defense.
  • WHAT DID HE SAY YOU'RE LIKE FUCKING AC SLATER HOLDING ME HOSTAGE
  • I knew you weren't withholding!
  • ON ****S TV SOUTHPARK LOOKS REAL
  • Cupcake vodka plus cherry coke zero equals amazeballs.
  • I love you.
  • Not in like a want to touch your cagibw way.
  • That was supposed to say vagina.
  • I'm so pumped
  • I had cupcake vodka. It is awesome.
  • I suggest the frosting flavor.
  • Vodka gives me power. I can text quickly.
  • I think it is awesome that you are in law school. Penis. Hahahaha. Oh my god. Hahahaja it like the best day ever.
  • Naw. My love it biracial. It's like bywinning.
  • Finding this text after you were actually behind me is ... Creepy.
  • Azulia. Hello my sugar lipped wombat breeder. Did you see lobels answers. You did pretty well I think
  • You are the MOST creepy. But at least you're honest about it.
  • Her seeing us hanging out is what actually killed the dinosaurs.
  • This man I'm standing near in line has a jaguar tattooed to his arm. Do you think he harvests its tears
  • ...eeewww. Maybe. I miss you and your mastery of the due process and EP clauses my little tortfeasor.
  • One step ahead of you, do walks of shame count as exercise?
  • I'm too scared to answer that's exactly how i wanna be when i'm old plus a morphine addiction
  • ***** says that is a good sign and that you are about to meet your soul mate (not the garter guy)
  • Conclusion 1: you resent my infidelity as your husband. Conclusion 2: You're a voodoo witch dispensing clandestine love potions
  • Good chipotle loves gays and we love chipotle.
  • Ahhh my lovely wife! What great texts to have woken up to!
  • How's work?! I'm so proud/grateful/dependent on you bringing home the bacon
  • Le laze indeed. Yesterday we were on a lazy river and I proudly screamed that I was the most motivated person in it
  • I'm going to bitchassness school next year. Masters in administrating people of the bitchass variety
  • I got a white iPad. I named it Rabbert Klein. I got a green cover and have named it lettuce because they are brothers.
  • I'm in harrisburg girl lets eat some fruit this weekend though
  • I miss you like the deserts miss the rain
  • They used to be plush grapes but now they are twisted and lifeless
  • Plus i tried to take a short cut. It was a omglongcut. Fail.
  • I've been doing it wrong all these years. I thought parties evolved from piles of alcohol. Put enough together and they just happen. Mitosis and shit.
  • Phepington pendragon is making a surprise visit to our swang mansion
  • I HAVE RUINED THE MOVIE FOR I AM THE MOVIE RUINER
  • My wife! Are you not worth much more than a few pictures of rotting compost?
  • I just ate a whole bag of salad HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL
  • Do you say that because of my injury or do you doubt my textability?
  • I'm eligible for 20K in loans. Thank fuck. Cuz I'm gna need it. Also took me theee tries to spell eligible.
  • ... Three
  • Do you think **** will Be mad if I attempt to give him under the table hand release (in accent).
  • I wish *** would go to fucking china already and get sars
  • Lol you're like a soccer mom making me a summer reading list.
  • Bummer :-(. True life: I blog about my inner demons for all the world to see?
  • Yes, quite. i wanted very much to touch her in ways i would not touch my mother
  • EVERYTHING HE SAYS IS IN CAPSLOCK
  • Your life is like a Greek tragedy.
  • Love you too sorry I irish goodbyed!
  • I love maury... I would marry that man if I were gay, 60 years old, and loved drama.
  • Haha jesus fuck you scared me. thought you got busted for NEEDLES ON YOUR SKIN or doing a murder with that knife that everyone's always borrowing
  • I have to start being productive before 2pm
  • Has ***s game been up lately or is that girl actually a hooker
  • I'm sorry my social skills are bad BECAUSE I DIDN'T GO TO SCHOOL!!
  • I cant make it to southside i have to babysit a hedgehog
  • There are literally 5 bachelor parties. i wish i had glowsticks
  • I could be Sweeney Todd. Plus I could rule the world with you and ******, no problem.
  • Should be called lawl school
  • You had dibs on strangling?
  • I've been deeply hurt by ******'s addictions. She has such potential. Like popcorn. But her vices led the popcorn to be burnt. What would be a fluffy, beautiful outer shell, like that of a unique SNOWFLAKE, is blacked at its core. And at its wardrobe.
  • I'm morally opposed to her being a bitch.
  • Uh oh, ******'s party will also be a computer fixing party? Or a viking funeral?
  • Can you take a red pen, correct the punctuation and grammar, and put it back on your windshield? You can even write "im not sure what hte point of leaving your note was, so i assumed it was to improve your writing skills. C-"
  • Clearly a hologram or cardboard cutout.
  • LOL but I hate you seriously
  • Yeah THANX Steve jobs I h8 u 4ever
  • Rotten meat tactic: fail
  • WHRE DID YOU GO PAALE MAN IS ACRROSSS FROM ME AND I HAVENT ACCKNOWLEDGD HIM
  • Yeah. He looks like he has pancreatic ccancerrr.
  • I'm so happy. You know I only like 'em black.
  • WHY ARE THERE *** STORIES I ONLY LEFT FOR 2 MINUTES
  • What what what what what herro
  • cute asian baby is a close 2nd to gay jewish son
  • 90s russian bride catelog
  • I'm waking him up. Weed. Dinner. Coals. Beer.
  • Oh my god does he realize hes not on a fucking reality show?!?!?!?!?!?! Irl there are context clues if someone doesnt like you. The conversations was absolutely pointless and had. No purpose other than to hurt you. I will rip out his fucking throat if i see him.
  • ***** was talkin about havin babies with *******. I said i would abandon the child.
  • SUCK IT JOBS ENJOY YOUR CANCER
  • I asked her if she would abandon a child that i had with ted bundy. She got offended. :/
  • My dad just told me not to get arrested while i'm in cosat rica. I get no respect.
  • GOD HE IS SUCH A CREEP. i swear they should use his face in every bad guy/villain movie/show forever
  • Admiral ackbar is on the case, ma'am.
  • My burn popped. Do burns pop?
  • Slowski in a mini skirt. Its one of those breezy ones, way too short for work. I wouldnt even dress like that and im prob 40lbs lighter.
  • Hello! If you still want to help love things let me know.
  • WELL IT LOOKS LIKE THAT SNARKY BITCH IRENE WON'T BE BOTHERING US TODAY
  • Watching YouTube in his room? ... giggity.
  • Just to make sure it's OK with ya'll, it's going to be an investigative horror game, with Lovecraft and Barker influences, using the cthulhu dark system, set in a fictional northeastern u.s. city that's both modern but influenced by the thirties, like archer and scooby doo are set in modern places influenced by the sixties. Is that alright with everyone? If we're not all down with the same premises, this game won't be any fun. I'm asking now because the game takes planning on my part.
    • Scooby Doo was actually set in the 60s.
      • The original was set in the sixties. Later ones were set in quasi-sixties, but in the newest one Fred has a smartphone.
    • **** asks if this is 4th edition.
      • It is not. It is not even dungeons and dragons. It is a system called cthulhu dark. It can be found at www.thievesoftime.com/news/cthulhu-dark
    • Okay we misinterpreted. He says he's played Cthulhu Dark, I misunderstood.
      • Damn. I am surprised. Make sure there's not another misunderstanding, and that he's not thinking of another cthulhu system, like Call of Cthulhu. Also let him know the contents of that "let me make sure everything's OK with you guys text.
    • If it's in a fictional Northeastern town for horror, shouldn't they be Stephen King influences? Just kidding, sounds good to both of us!
      • Haha, lovecraft was writing horror in Rhode Island and Massachusetts before king was a twinkle in his grandpa's eye. And I just happen to like Barker. He adds a visceral passion that supplements Lovecraft's intellectual horror.
  • Fiber bar one bars are best when you have 5 in a row! Everyone knows that!!
  • Haha. Say my character is named James Huffalo, and he believes in in spirits but not in possessions. Also: he likes alcohol. And red-haired vixens. And cocaine.
  • Fine. My char also has a black hair and paints his nails red. He questions gender conformity but tries to retain his masculinity. It's a constant struggle.
  • Would you and ****** wk come out? I'd still love to hang with you guys tonight. I'll buy you waters. You can have a slice of bread.
  • (class is about Butler) Is it about farm law?
  • (class is about Butler) Two people fighting over the last miller lite keg in the bar?
  • Made it back home... only mugged a couple times... but I convinced them to be my friends so its all good. Hug not mug, I told them.
  • So you're saying dunkin NOnuts
  • Because Jesus touches himself
  • Skip-It! With a counter to count your skips, how high can you go!?
  • Exceedingly lucky, my dear. I still include your name in my prayers. Oh yes. I pray.
  • Tex tit
  • Man, her roommates are a plague upon my household, like the suitors feasting at the house of odysseus
  • Badger always delivers.
  • i'm sorry :( i feel silly. i don't think i'm subtle enough to be allowed into the law school
  • Ew seriously ***** have fun with photoshopmspaintboi
  • #morefiesta-ythanohio?
  • At least you can oogle the big fella from beaver...
  • It's a trap!
  • ***** is arguing between the differences of salt water saline.
  • Do you have your gaping cavern of real boob?
  • This vodka is clear even though it tastes like a chocolate cupcake. I don't know how I feel about that.
  • Absolutely. When you get flagged going thru metal detector you can say its cuz youre a hologram
  • Yeah absolutely. which is why we should fake a breakup letter from **** and send it to the goat
    • I think we should message her, and ask if **** is a virgin. If she realizes ****'s a virgin, she'll probably break up with him.
      • I think we should send her a cake with a hammer in it. when she eats the hammer, she'll die and they'll be broken up de facto
  • And that's what matters, girlneverspacefriend.
  • Humans are such shitty animals. You can trip them.
  • I did walk around this morning with my alone face.
  • Pssh daun't worry abaut it. I still love you
  • To catch them is your real test; to train them is your cause
  • I was going to text "winky face" instead but I think winky can also mean penis so i didnt want you to think i was insulting you
  • .......... Winky face
  • This is the best day in the history of days!
  • Free 5 o'clock crack give awAy
  • Every month is no shower month.
  • I also got cough syrup w/ codeine HOLLLAAAAA
  • Omg dr pepper 10 what??? And ZZTop??? This is going to be epic.
  • Oh golly. Tell him I get it the way all the young whippersnappers get allergies: all the the damn time. My lungs are seriously 65 years old idk how it happened. The cough is pretty intimidating though, it makes the cats obey me.
  • I would but I accidentally coughed up some stuff onto ellie and now she seems mad. Its either cuz of that or cuz I locked her in my bathroom for 12 hrs.
    • I'm never having kids.
  • Um, no we don't date. But we fuck while Skipper watches!
  • NOT IF I SEND IT TO EVERY DUDE NAMED ****** YR FRIENDS WITH IT WON'T BE
    • But yeah that was like a 1/10 on the "possible friendship destruction scale" which I just made up
  • Buffoon is only a muppet-grade insult I think you're in the clear
  • I just cleaned up 2am kid projectile vomit. Your life wins.
  • I think we should hit kermit the frog with a hammer.
  • Well you like guys who wear more than one shirt at once, maybe he likes girls who wear lots of the same dress in different colors
  • UGH MY GIRLFRIEND IS ALWAYS TELLING ME TO WEAR FEWER SHIRTS THAT BITCH I like how zz speaks in all caps now
  • Some say sam the eagle is a little too right wing... I just say hes right.
  • Did you throw in the time I got blisters all over my hands for no reason? That's a personal fave. Slow bear gets stuff like that too. So does my mom.
    • OMG MAYBE WE ALL HAVE THE AIDS
    • Maybe we have ... all the aids.
    • I did have that staff infection when my blood veins get all infected.
    • You should also mention they only happen once every couple years. You make it sound like I'm riddled with disease.
    • Omg also that huge freakin tumor I had.
    • Or that time I lost my hearing in my right ear for a month.
    • My toenails also fall off sometimes.
    • Oh and my old lady back and how I can't move my neck up the whole way back.
    • What is wrong with me. How is it NOT aids.
  • I think invisible second shirt is logically equivalent to one shirt, although the revelation is shocking. Saying that another obfuscated shirt may exist is an argument from ignorance.
  • Just let him hang on that cross. If he truly is the Son of God, let him come down from there and save himself.
  • Haha, it's true, piano bitches love making you burn dinosaur bones
  • Big bird and cookie monster no longer pray for liberation
  • I can photoshop myself as a fairy in ms paint.
  • Lawl now I'm picturing you putting a decapitated ackbar head in goat's bed
  • 999 extramarital orgasms later
  • Always prevail over goat.
  • I can help you, but I warn you - it will only be in ways indistinguishable from pure luck and your own hard work
  • Im not surprised. It probably just fell out of her vajay while she was the grocery store or something. After that many kids it has to look like Birdo's mouth by now.
  • Now my drinking is happy not sad
  • 99% of the dishes are done by 33% of the roommates
  • Also one ***** comes in, another ***** comes out. Never a miscommunication
  • I am going to drink one thousand beers. Fuck Conflicts.
  • Rest in poyongpang (sp?)
  • There needs to be a word for the opposite of a miracle. A a common place event that is not spectacular, and not welcome.
  • Movie logic > law school
  • Oh hey you are buying a house that is deductible to talk to ****** esq to do other law house things she thru this secret door
  • Well I think we had once discussed that he likes bitches who are mean to him. Maybe he soaks it up like some dysfunctional solar panel
  • I had a dream last night that you and I went to Halifax with the professor and we met Neil Patrick Harris. He was totally cool and we took a picture and put it on facebook. When I woke up this morning and I realized it wasn't real I was sad.
  • I just poured wine into my empty beer bottle because im too lazy to dirty a glass. My life is so sad.
  • Yes! Fun fact: wiimotes are made out of Nintendium, which is well known to be unbreakable.
  • I would give you an A+ in besfriendery.
  • You are the sagest! I can't wait tell you come study at winterfell someday.
  • I drank milk out of the jug. There are coupons everywhere.
  • A mining job might be easier right now.
    • Well not with your lungs.
      • Good point
      • When you texted that I was hacking up the biggest glob of gross and I swallowed it and that's the most I've eaten today lol I an do pathetic halp it's only January
feb 27 2008 ∞
jan 25 2012 +
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