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  • Age 6: Kneeling down and gripping the bars of the balcony of my apartment and pretending I was the daughter in the movie "Hook" on the ship and belting out that song she sings. Then turning around and finding my sister and her friends all watching and laughing at me.
  • Age 7: Peeing my pants during jumping jacks in 2nd grade P.E. and subsequently spending the rest of the day in the nurse trying to dry my pants with paper towels.
  • Age 8: Having my mom buy me bright white soccer cleats when everyone else on the team had black and standing out like a sore thumb and everyone making fun of me.
  • Age 13: Getting my period all over the back of my jeans in middle school and having to tie a big, bulky sweatshirt around my waist for the rest of the day.
  • Age 13: At my first school dance my crush kept following me around and I got so nervous, thinking he was going to ask me to dance that I kept avoiding him. When he finally caught up to me, all he wanted to do was to make a mean joke about me having and STD. Middle schoolers are so cruel.
  • Age 13: At the same school dance as above, a mentally handicapped girl grabbed my arm and bit me as she was dancing. I screamed and didn't know what to do until her care taker came and guided her away.
  • Age 14: Farting during sit-ups in P.E. class.
  • Age 17: At Chic-fil-a, I went up to the counter to ask for a refill on my drink. The young man working there then asked me to "take my top off". I was confused and shocked until I realized he meant the top to my drink. I think we were both embarassed.
  • Age 19 or 20?: Going to a concert in Washington D.C. with a couple of guy friends. I was so tired, I fell asleep the whole car ride home late that night and unbeknownst to me, started my period. When they stopped the car to drop me off, I noticed that the spot I had been sitting in in the backseat was soaked with blood. The back of my pants were soaked with blood too. I didn't say anything about it and I awkwardly walked backwards/sideways, waving goodbye, as I went back to my car so they wouldn't see the back of my pants. They never said anything about the backseat but there was no way they could have missed it. It probably had to be professionally cleaned.
  • Age 21: Tripping up the stairs in the super-crowded student commons at VCU.
  • Age 21: I was on a roasted garlic hummus kick for a while and I ate so much of it that the garlic smell literally exuded from my pores. I didn't know I stank until my mother told me but I wonder how many people were thinking it!
  • Age 21: In a bout of pure loneliness and exasperation with love, joining a certain well-known online dating website. Enough said.
  • Age 22: During a race, I had to pee really bad but I was almost to the finish line and there was no way I was stopping. When I saw the end, I poured it on and began to sprint. For those non-runners, when your legs are pumping fast and you have to go to the bathroom, it's extremely hard to hold it. Needless to say, my shorts were not wet with water and/or sweat when I crossed that finish line.
  • Age 22: Walking up the sidewalk towards my boyfriend's house where he was sitting on the porch with a friend of his, unbeknownst to me there was a point in the sidewalk where a tree root had caused the concrete to jut up and make a sizeable obstacle. I was smiling at the fellas on the porch as I approached when I tripped, fell face first and skinned up my hands and knees like an 8 year old falling off their bike. I think falling in front of people you DO know is more embarassing than people you don't!
  • Age 24: I work at the SPCA currently and on this particular day, I was suffering from terrible Spring allergies and my nose was running uncontrollably. I was trying to perform an adoption and explain to the new owner some of our policies and paperwork and I was literally having to sniffle every other word to prevent my nose from dripping. I was trying my best to remain professional and counsel the adopter but I could no longer prevent it and a big snot drop landed right on the adoption contract right in front of us. I was mortified.
sep 26 2008 ∞
nov 25 2013 +