Today I noticed that the sky at 7:23 am in the winter is a beautiful scene of lilacs and blues and purples melted together, punctuated by the bright oranges of the still left on street lights. I noticed that only because recently, in an effort to make myself feel better in the morning, I actually open my curtains and let the daylights, accompanied by some street lights, be the first light that enters my eyes. But that was only an afterthought because I knew my calathea in the corner of my room wasn't getting enough sunlight, so I wanted to rectify that. I also noticed that my own welfare, is an afterthought to most things in my life - relationships, work, even to a plant, I am the afterthought. Occasionally I do put myself first, but i feel some sort of guilt or shame for doing it. I must learn to make myself the priority more of the time. I am just as deserving as a plant that needs sunlight. I am deserving of warmth and growth and nourishment and care. I hope that somehow I can change the order of priorities in my head, and maybe if I take better care of myself, the things around me will fall into place too. The purple is fading quickly from the sky, now a softer lilac, almost blue with grey. The street lights are still on.