- "The 'we space' is where the rules of the relationship are written. You stay who you are, but you become enhanced. Less appealing habits get pointed out, and hopefully you change for the better. Simultaneously, untapped positive qualities get drawn out and encouraged by the person who cares about you. Overall, you should be adding to each other's lives, not taking away, and supporting each other's goals, hopes and dreams." —Lori Zaslow
- "If the 'me' feels like it's becoming 'we,' then you are marrying the wrong person. You must never lose yourself in someone else. A relationship with the best shot of going the distance is made up of two distinct individuals who share a house, children, their hearts and a future, but they each remain true to his and her own self.” —Iris Krasnow
- "During this transition, you have to take into account the amount of effort and time a relationship takes. People often get the wrong idea about romance from Hollywood and rom-coms, but what those movies don't show is what happens after 'happily ever after' begins and the real world sets in. Anything worth having takes a little work, and that's never truer than when it comes to love and marriage. Communicate often, make time for each other, and be the best partner you can be." —Laura Berman, Ph.D.
- "Never, never, never, never, never become a 'we.' 'We' kills eroticism. 'We' murders love. 'We' snaps you in leg shackles and glues you both to the couch in your seven-year-old underwear. Compromise all you like. Bargaining is a sport all women can win. But if I hear about any of you becoming a 'we,' I'll drive to your house and flog you with my old flip-flop." —E. Jean Carroll
- "Each partner must be willing to shave off a little here and there to ensure that the pieces of each other's life fit well together. Here you have two distinct people with two distinct histories along with varying perspectives, beliefs and approaches to life. Change becomes the glue that causes two unrelated pieces to form together, and the level of each person's willingness to do so only better facilitates a smooth transition and a happy ending." —Jacqueline Del Rosario, Ph.D
- "When a couple gets married, 'self-care' becomes 'us-care.' Partners need to realize that caring for one's physical, mental, spiritual and financial well-being is no longer a solo affair. Your decisions, healthy or unhealthy, now intimately affect the happiness, health and fulfillment of someone other than yourself. Giving up Let me do my own thing; it shouldn't effect you and recognizing the impact these choices have on your partner is one of the hallmarks of a mature relationship." —Michael Batshaw, LCSW
- "My formula for a good relationship: Stand like an oak, bend like grass. Some people fail to budge even on minor issues, as if the relationship is some kind of competition that they can't afford to lose. A problem arises when one person does more than her fair share of giving in and going along. It's not good to compromise out of a fear of rocking the boat, or because you're so conflict-avoidant that you can't hold your ground. When people have no bottom line, their self-regard and their relationship will spiral downward." —Harriet Lerner, Ph.D.
mar 21 2012 ∞
mar 21 2012 +
