I am indeed very grateful to be such an optimistic person with such a zest for life, however, I do oftentimes find myself frustrated with my inability to just let myself rot and stew in my misery. I know myself better than I'd like to admit in all my teenage-angst induced need to be profound and tortured and martyred, and I know that I am, no matter my current circumstances and woes, going to live a happy and full life. I sometimes wish I could make myself believe in the futility of life and effort for even a moment, but ultimately, I don't sway to that tune — Pet Sounds is my favourite album.

Today I finished Orwell's Keep the Aspidistra Flying. To absolutely no one's surprise, I have grown extremely fond of Gordon Comstock's prickly, stubborn character. Perhaps this is why all my favourite protagonists are annoying and intent on self-sabotage; I allow myself to sink and res...

my dearest, Nabeeha,

as I begin this letter/diary entry/attempt at feeling close to you, the wind bangs at my windows in such a way that it forcefully comes in through the cracks, making a quiet whistling noise echo around my room and succeeding at making me feel just the tiniest bit crazy. how are you? I miss you.

the air here is dry and cold, and it's making my dermatitis flare up; my hands are cracked and bleeding, and every time I look at them I think of you and your eczema. it makes me wonder about the weather in Islamabad, the stress you might be under due to your classes, the projects and models you might be working on, and your skin's reactions to all of that. writing it down on paper makes it seem silly, especially because I don't even know your eczema's exact placements or triggers, but I guess it's only natural for me to have t...

• late night hot chocolates
• coming across a rare bug
• putting a leaf to the sun and observing its veins
• complimenting people and seeing them light up
• nerding out!!!!
• learning a new word and noticing it everywhere
• seeing your friends
• reading something so emotionally impactful you don't know how to process it
• walking by a fruit stand and having the sweet smell follow you
• non-silent quiet