• "Oh and I'm sure you know better than anyone Lindsay. No borders, no limits, oh go ahead, touch the cornballer you know best." Michael Bluthe
• "Everyone's laughing and riding and cornholing except Buster." Lucille Bluthe
• "Oh, hello Buster. Her's a candy bar. No, I'm withholding it. See me "getting off"?" Lucille
• "COME ON!" GOB Bluthe
• "I've made a huge mistake." GOB
• "Why should you go to prison for a crime somebody else noticed?" Bob Loblaw
• "We're not here to talk nonsense to Bob Loblaw." Michael
• "Michael was afraid he had been caught in a lie about his family. The family was afraid they were caught by a woman they had clubbed, drugged, and left on a bench. It was awkward." Narrator
• "I'm a MONSTER!" Buster Bluthe
• "I was gonna share my pop secret with you but you can just forget it!" Oscar Bluthe [after Buster burned him with his prosthetic hand.]
• "I trained the seal to eat cat's, and then released him in the ocean." GOB
• George Michael: "Uncle GOB where's the $20?"

GOB: "Hey, a magician never reveals his secrets." George M. Bluthe: "I don't want the secret I just need the..." GOB: "What you need to know...Is that it's magic." G.M.B: "Wow...It's so much like stealing."

• "That was a freebie." All
• "There's so many badly chosen words in that sentence." Michael after hearing Tobias speak
• "Wife of Gob: I'm in love with your brother-in-law.

Gob: You’re in love with your own brother. Wife of Gob: No, your sister's husband. Gob: Michael? Michael. Wife of Gob: No, that's your sister's brother. Gob: No, I'm my sister's brother. You’re in love with me. Me. Wife of Gob: NO! I'm in love with Tobias. Gob: My brother-in-law?

• Buster: [to Michael] Mom signed me up for the army, just because the fat man dared her to.
• Barry's Secretary: Barry's not in right now. Would you like to leave her a message?

Michael: Yeah, tell her she needs to whisper a little softer next time, AND I'm not paying for this phone call. Barry Zuckerkorn: I am not a girl, you... Barry's Secretary: [pulls out a tape recorder] Go ahead, call me something. I'm redecorating my kitchen.

• Mae 'Maebe' Funke: Marry me.
• Mae 'Maebe' Funke: Do you guys know where I could get one of those gold T-shaped pendants?

Michael: That's a cross. Mae 'Maebe' Funke: Across from where?

• Lucille: What's a Forget-Me-Now?

Gob: They're pills that create a sort of temporary forgettingness. So if somebody finds out how you do a trick, you just give 'em one of these, and they forget the whole thing. It's a mainstay of the magician's toolkit, like how clowns always have a rag soaked in ether. Tobias Fünke: Gob, this is Flunitrazepam. It's a roofie. Lucille: Those are illegal. Gob: Shut up, Mom. Don't make me give you another one of these.

• Gob: Tell you what we're gonna do: "Rock Paper Scissors" for it.

Michael: No, no I'm not... Gob: One, two, three. Paper covers rock. Michael: It is a rock, though. Should beat everything. Gob: There's not a lot of logic to it. It's kind of like on a boat with "Women and children first." I mean, why should they...

• Lindsay Funke: Hey, look, it's not coming from me. It's George Michael. He told me. I think he wants a mother.

Michael: Well, that's ridiculous. He's got you. He's got our mother. You'd think that would turn him off the entire concept.

• George Sr.: Michael, you don't want to make the same mistake your mom made with Buster.

Michael: Yeah, boy. What happened there? George Sr.: I really don't know. Maybe it was the eleven months he spent in the womb. The doctor said there were claw marks on the walls of her uterus. But he was her "miracle baby." And I-I was just too burnt out on raising you guys to care. So... he turned out a little soft, you know, a little doughy.

• Tobias Fünke: Boy, I sure feel like a Mary without a Peter and a Paul.
• Gob: Michael, I'm your big brother. I'll never be impressed with you.
• Narrator: George Michael was getting ready for school when he came across a box of love letters he'd written, but never sent, to his cousin Maeby. One letter, titled "If you weren't my cousin," was particularly incriminating.
• Lucille Austero: Do you like ham?

Carl Weathers: No.

Carl Weathers: I love it.

• Gob: She's not "*that* Mexican," Mom, she's "*my* Mexican." And she's Colombian or something
• Lindsay: Michael, if this is a lecture on how we're all supposed to whatever and blah-blah-blah, well, you can save it, because we all know it by heart.
• Lucille: You tricked me.

Michael: I *deceived* you. "Tricked" makes it sound like we have a playful relationship.

• Lucille: I don't understand the question and I won't respond to it.
• Michael Bluth: Why are you squeezing me with your body?

Lucille Bluth: It's a hug, Michael. I'm hugging you.

• Michael: Well, you certainly haven't been shopping. The only thing I found in the fridge was a dead dove in a bag.

Gob: You didn't eat that, did you?

• Michael Bluth: The mere fact that you call making love "Pop Pop" tells me that you're not ready.
• flashback to George Sr. driving a younger Michael, Gob, and Buster]

George Sr.: We're out of milk. I could have got it earlier if someone would have left a note. [suddenly he runs down J. Walter Weatherman and his fake arm comes off] George Sr.: [poorly acting] Why? If someone had left a note, this innocent man would still have his arm. Why? [the kids scream as Weatherman comes up to them] J. Walter Weatherman: And that's why you always leave a note.

• Gob: Zero hour, Michael. It's the end of the line. I'm the firstborn. I'm sick of playing second fiddle. I'm always third in line for everything. I'm tired of finishing fourth. Being the fifth wheel. There are six things I'm mad about, and I'm taking over.
• Lucille: If you're suggesting I play favorites, you're wrong. I love all of my children equally.

Lucille: [earlier that day] I don't care for Gob.

• Michael: Clear as the Ann on plain's face.
• [repeated line]

Tobias Fünke: Hey, who wants to take me to the hospital?

• [repeated line]

Kitty: It's the last time you'll see these. [flashes Michael]