EPISODE 2 [En Route to Lawson City Permits and Breakfast Pancake Bonanza] Monday Morning 7:30 AM [March 25, 2002]

Zofia had just laid back down to enjoy another twenty minutes of sleep or so when she could hear the sound of her Grandma’s Geo Metro’s horn playing an old war tune from 1532 but with Erna singing the lyrics to “Fell In Love With a Girl” by The White Stripes over her car’s horn.

“TIME FOR PERMIT HONEY BUNNY!!!!” Erna screamed over a speakerphone waking up everyone on Zofia’s street in the process. Zofia’s mom is one of Erna’s later kids and her name is Sanchea and she is married to Zäder Vonnon. Zofia’s parents have been married since 1980 with Zofia being born in 1981 in Vienna, Austria. Her parents were finally able to start to see Sanchea’s Mom’s antics as they are detailed on MySpace. Sanchea was the assistant branch manager at Customer First Credit Union which is located in the same plaza as Erna’s proposed driving school but on the other side. Sanchea didn’t have to be to work until 10 AM but she was already up due to her Mom’s incessant car horn blaring her songs this early on a Monday morning. Zofia’s dad, Zäder was the assistant manager at Niko’s Butcher shop located right across the street from where her Mom works at the credit union. The Vonnons made the silly mistake of mentioning that Karl Marx (no relation) was looking to sell his sex shop due to the unfortunate ghost hauntings that seemed to spook him but not the customers. In the Cedar Oaks Phoenix complex, the next complex down, a street-front store was just made available next to a new nationwide coffee chain called Stardust. Since the city has so much going for it since there are many businesses that call in the Cedar Oaks area, they really have no limit on what they could put in. There is even talks of a strip club being put in. Zofia’s Dad was already down at Niko’s getting ready to open the shop since the owner, Niko, is away on business in Germany, he’s also a German megastar due to his appearance in the world-renowned German-language series, and taking after the many German-language book stars that came before him, he moved to the United States and became an assistant manager at a Butcher’s shop in some random ass city! One of the motivations that kept Zofia from completely turning down this deal, which was mostly a way for her to babysit her Grandparents so the Vonnons could work would be that she could get the attention of Lawson’s most respected law attorney, Wanda Siscaski, who owned the building that would be right next to her Grandmother’s driving shop. Wanda Siscaski was Michigan’s most respected attorney as well being the former Attorney General of the United States during the Carter Administration. Zofia knew that if she wanted to break into practicing law, starting out with Wanda Siscaski would be a dream come true for any young lawyer. Zofia, however, had spent the last four years at college after graduating from Cedar Oaks High School in 1998. What really got Zofia into practicing law was when her family took a trip down to her Dad’s home country of Quiendet in 1996 which really opened Zofia’s eyes up to the world at large. Her Dad is actually more especially from the island of Zantä which is one of the islands that is the furthest east of the continent but is also one of the countries closest to Antarctica. Zantä went through a recession in the 80s that led to a high amount of people having to move to a more stable economy which was on the main Ice Cap. A giant boot-shaped island that is shared with another country to the north called Kastan. While visiting her Dad’s hometown of Bakelei, which is in the center of the main Zantänese island and they were short lawyers. This was during a time of political turmoil that saw the rise of traffic tickets go up and not enough lawyers to represent the public which led to a lot of backlashes and it inspired Zofia to want to learn law but return to Zantä to help the crisis. However, that was in Quiendet, Zofia did not think that after college she would be going to work and help her Gradmother set up her driving school, but also likely having to run the front desk while she gets it off the ground.

Zofia quickly got herself ready at the frantic alarm that was her Grandmother’s car horn and made her way out to the car after putting on the nicest, closest outfit she could find. Zofia did some research last week into the Lawson zoning and permit laws and Zofia is hoping that Lawson will be the only city they have to request a permit from and she’s really hoping that Erna hasn’t bought the lot that is on all four zones. As Erna incoherently mentioned, Karl Marx could not reveal if the shop was on the four corners where the cities meet due to an NDA. Zofia had a feeling that this certainly meant that Erna did buy the four corners lot. Most of the businesses that have attempted to open up shop at this address have had to leave only within a few months of opening. Luckily, Karl Marx’s Sexxx Shoppe would open up a new location off of Avery Ave down in the Cedar Oaks Phoenix Complex. This will be a good move for Karl and will be interesting for Erna’s attempt at a driving school. Zofia was hoping in the car that it would be Bethay’s Kitty Cafe that sat on the four corners border and not Karl’s former sex shoppe, but Zofia just had a sneaking suspicion that she was walking into a municipal permit battlefield. Zofia knew that the city of Lawson would perhaps be the second most difficult city to deal with behind Lake Stanton. Cedar Oaks and Vine Hills were much easier to deal with. Lake Stanton is one of the richest cities in the United States and they make everything about one million times more difficult than it needs to be. Zofia even remembered that in her law class, she learned about a case where a lawyer was representing the client in a case against the city of Lake Stanton, and the case turned out so bad that the lawyer ended up in prison himself for no reason, so Zofia dreaded the thought of dealing with them.

As Zofia contemplated this in her half-asleep daze, she sprang back to reality when her Grandma slammed on the brakes just as they were outside of the ABBA McDonald’s. As she was doing yesterday, Erna’s head was out the window smelling for baking soda and flour again and her Grandma’s dog-like sense of smell detected the same trail they picked up on yesterday. However, this time, Erna drove up to the ABBA McDonald’s drive-thru and began to order incoherently as she often does.

“HALLO WILL GET ONE PANCACKEN. ONE HASHISH BROWN, MILKBAR, GERMAN SAUSAGE, AND BAKON BAKON BAKON…THREE” Erna said to the speaker.

“Ms. Erna, is that you?” the speaker box asked, “JAJAJAJAJJAJAJAJJJA!!!” Erna loudly replied.

“Hold on, the manager, Tammy, she’d like to speak with you about yesterday’s tidal wave,” and at this moment, Zofia began to sense that her life by the side of her grandparents would never be close to making sense. A very drawn out Southern accent interrupted Zofia’s dread as the speaker box returned

“GOOD MORNING, ERNA, MAM, THIS IS TAMMY!!!! THE GENERAL MANAGER OF THIS MCDONALD’S, I JUST WANNA LET YA KNOW, SWEETHEART, THAT YOUR LITTLE TIDAL WAVE INCIDENT YESTERDAY SURE DID COST US A PRETTY PENNY. SWEETIEPIE THEY ARE ESTIMATING A GOOD FORTY-THOUSAND DOLLARS IN DAMAGE AND SWEETIE, THAT’S IN 2002 DOLLARS SUGARBUNNY! WE WERE KIND OF HOPING YOU COULD COVER THE COSTS OF THE DAMAGE SEEING AS HOW YOU CLOGGED THE TOILET SO WE DON’T HAVE TO PRESS CHARGES NOW, THE AUTHORITIES SEEMS TO KNOW YOU PRETTY WELL AROUND HERE, “ Tammy finished screaming through the speakerphone nearly knocking the doors off the Geo Metro. There was a good two minutes of complete silence and thankfully, no one else was in line, and Erna replied “PUT ZE CHARGES ON MY TAB AND MAKE MEIN FOOD!” Erna yelled back at Tammy through the speakerphone. Zofia was unaware that her Grandma had been going to this McDonald’s since it opened since it was one of her first jobs when she came over to the United States the first time. Tammy found out that Erna had a tab of damages that have accumulated at that McDonald’s since Erna started working there. Erna’s love of ABBA in the 70s is one of the reasons that the design of McDonald’s has stayed practically the same. Tammy added the forty-thousand worth of damage to Erna’s astoundingly large tab and proceeded to give Erna her breakfast. Erna also had let Zofia order a short breakfast as well, and Zofia was hoping that this would be a quick ordeal but anything involving Erna is not likely to end in a quick manner. Erna pulled into the parking lot of the McDonald’s and pulled a wooden dinner tray from the back seat and opened it up and it surprisingly fits as Erna began to eat her breakfast as Zofia ate out of the bag. Erna ate as if she was a raccoon sifting through the garbage in one of the business allies of the four corners. Bethany’s Cat Cafe opened as a refuge for the cats as they started a gang war with the raccoons in 1992 and created a turf war that nearly emulated the 1990s East Coast vs West Coast rap beef. Zofia was aware of the cat cafe because she often would go down to have watch nights for new episodes of her shows she loves Charmed, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Alias, and Gilmore Girls. Zofia was dreaming of one of those nights with her friends soon but instead, she was trapped in her Grandma’s death mobile about to help her make one of the biggest mistakes of her life. Erna chucked the bag out of her window after they had both finished and it somehow landed in the open dumpster of this McDonald’s. Since Zofia had just recently moved back with her parents, she hadn’t been to this McDonald’s too often. Little did Zofia know that this McDonald’s was an integral part of the area and her grandma had much more to do with it than she was even aware. After Erna’s mega shot into the dumpster of their litter, they proceeded back onto Avery Ave. They just had two short miles until they got to Lawson City Hall where they would turn in the scroll.

As they began to pull out of McDonald’s, they saw an older woman wearing a babushka on the sidewalk licking the sidewalk and it was that same trail of baking powder and flour. Erna screamed out her window “YETTA-IRENE, WAS IST?” “ERNA, IST ICH! ES BESTEHT EIN VERDACHT!!!” Yetta-Irene screamed out indicating that licking the baking soda and flour on the sidewalk indicates something sinister is happening but they can’t quite figure out why. Erna screams for Yetta-Irene to enter the car and come with them to city hall. This was only after Erna and Yetta-Irene had spent more than 20 minutes licking the sidewalk together and yelling in German, Quiendetean, Yiddish, and even Zantänese. Yetta-Irene is actually Zofia’s other grandparents since Yetta-Irene is from Quiendet from the island country of Zantä and happened to live there when Zofia's dad was born. Yetta-Irene was generally more reserved than Erna. Zofia was riding shotgun as Erna slowly crept them closer and closer to the Lawson City Hall. The suspicious baking trail they were following got more prominent the further down Avery Avenue they traveled. Something wasn’t sitting right with Yetta-Irene but she couldn’t quite make out what she felt as though she was familiar with the taste but could not place it. They were well aware that a Farmer Jack was on the way right as you get into Lawson so maybe a supplier had a spill.

As they finally approached the city hall as it was approaching 10 AM now, they finally saw the City Hall building, and the entire building was covered in the baking soda and flour. Somebody had bagged the entire city hall but what was going on? As the three pulled into the parking lot at a glacial pace, they saw dozens of milk crates. Nothing was really making sense but Zofia, in the hopes that nothing else would go wrong, hoped to high hell that whatever was going on had nothing to do with them. Erna had noticed something really strange as she popped that trunk and grabbed the Tolkien Permit Scroll she had created for no god damned reason. Erna noticed another multi-colored Geo Metro parked over two parking spaces but in the other direction. Erna thought maybe someone had an interest in these cars as her and said she was looking forward to befriending whoever drove that other Geo Metro.

As they got closer to the door, they heard loud music playing and the sound of what sounded like a party inside the City Hall building. The song “This Is How We Do It” by Montell Jordan was playing loudly as Zofia immediately recognized it from her college party days at Oakwood Litago Law School. However, as they got into the lobby, there were milk cartons and jugs everywhere. City employees were partying all over as they were running and screaming along to the music. They walked out of the lobby into one of the main rooms of the city hall and that’s where a DJ was set up…Zofia immediately recognized it as her twin brother, Zayod, who was a DJ. As they got closer to where you were supposed to drop off permits, they noticed two familiar faces that had already seemingly delivered a permit on a similar scroll. Not only had her twin brother DJ’d some morning party with pancakes and milk since there were tables and tables of pancakes set out. It seemed as though Siegfried and Günther had gotten there before Erna, Zofia, and Yetta-Irene. Erna quickly destroyed one of the lobby chairs and ran outside screaming something incoherently. Yetta-Irene was confused about what was happening as Zofia realized that her grandparents had just started a war with each other but this time, it was grandpas vs grandmas and it will be the least “war” war of all time. As Zofia turned the scroll in for consideration to the woman behind the counter, she had noticed that Erna returned to the building and began throwing pancakes at Siegfried and Günther. As Zofia went to play mediator, she noticed a pancake setting right for her face and it came from the direction of her brother’s DJ booth…Zounds by Zayod. The war had only just begun.