• "we're vampires too... for cheese!"
• "kara! you're fucking driving like fucking tupac in vegas!"
• (me, at work, gesturing to a "wedding ring" my buddy had let me try on that weekend and forgot to take back) "hey, hubby, lose something?"

(in front of customers)"oh! i need that back! my wife would be soooo mad if she knew i wasn't wearing that!" (the customers are weirded out. little do they know, he's not even married.)

• "hey, spit on anyone today?"
• "we're making rock n' roll history here! act accodingly!"