i already told all my close friends about what happened, and my phones are buzzing with messages, but i guess i'm a lost cause because i still keep thinking about how i wish i could run to you and complain about my day.

you probably didn't believe me when i said i'm going to miss you for the rest of my life, but i meant it. you said i don't have to, that i could still talk to you as friends. but if there's something i recently learned, it's that i can't be friends with you. i'm sorry. it just felt... wrong. talking to you and not calling you what i used to call you, and you not calling me what you used to call me anymore. i don't take change well. so seeing how different our conversations are now... not talking to you ever again would be the better choice.

if i told my friends, or any strangers, about this, they would probably ask me why i didn't just try to make us work again, but i like you too much to ask that of you. you said you thought of me when you listened to lauv's *i met you when i was 18*, didn't you? it made me feel like i was stealing the time you could have spent loving others. i know you've loved others before you loved me, but you were just a teenager back then. i don't know for sure what makes age 18 special, but since history decided to treat you as an adult once you reached that number, there must be something different. well, that sounded like nonsense. all i wanted to say was, it made me wonder if you tolerated me this much because you didn't have the chance to meet and love others. there must be a lot of people out there who would jump at the chance to be loved by someone like you, and they would do a much better job than me. you deserve so much better, but i have too many things going on in my life to be better for you.

so, i hope you will find love in someone else who's much better than me. i wish your next love will love you right, to the point that you'll find yourself hating me for not being half as good. you deserve that. you deserve more than that. but i don't have it in me to watch from the front seat while you find someone new. so, no matter how much i want to talk to you and how much i miss you, i can't be your friend. wouldn't it be for the best if i just disappear? if i'm out of your sight, i'll be out of your mind sooner or later.