(i'm writing this while i'm on a 24-hour flight, so it probably sounds like gibberish.)

i know it's funny to say this only now, when we already broke up almost three months ago, but today i finally made up my mind to let you go.

i don't think you'll ever find this, but just in case you do, and you're wondering why i'm writing it all down here, well ... i want to talk about it, but at the same time, i don't want to tell anyone.

well, i guess it's just a habit. my friends only know that i broke up and nothing more. even when they asked, i just chose not to say anything (and they know me well enough not to push me to answer, so.)

you see. it's not that i want to hide my wrongdoings from them, since it's very clear i'm the one at fault. you might argue that you're not entirely blameless, but there's nothing you do wrong. i'm sorry if i make you think you did something wrong. you gave me your best, and i meant it when i said i would never find someone's better.

back to my friends. they're my friends for a reason. they cherish me, so even though it's clear as day to any people with common sense that i'm the problem, they would still trying to find a reasoning to take my side. they have a bad habit of turning my exes into enemies, and well. after dating you so long, i don't think i can tolerate it if someone i consider close ever say something bad about you, all because they care about me. so i can't even tell any of them about how much i wronged you. but it's very ... well, lonely is not quite the right word. empty? hollow? not being able to confess to anyone.

(oh, but for you. you should definitely tell your friends. if you ever feel bad for making them see me in the negative light, don't be. i deserve it. i deserve your resentment too, you know. i'm not even sure why you're still treating me so kindly.)