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Pauly D

• Can’t stand this weather, ya can’t get tanned in this weather, ya can’t creep in this weather, you can’t do anything… girls don’t come out in this weather, they stay in the house.
• Whether
  
  comes or not makes no difference to me, as long as she doesn’t cockblock like she did in Jersey.
• Ronnie’s new nickname now is I.F.F., the I’m Fucked Foundation.. he’s a client & the President.
• Damn, somebody squished my bread… who squished my buns?!
• My boss seems to think that my hair is gonna fall off & go into the ice cream. This hair ain’t movin’ my dude. 150mph on the highway on a street bike… it doesn’t move! What makes you think it’s gonna move in a gelato shop?
• We sit on the couch with our tank tops until it's T-SHIRT time!
• It looks like a chicken cutlet. Yo, put that on the grill!
• OK, thanks for comin’ … and that’s how you get um OUT!
• I’ve never seen the kitchen this bad. There’s hair extensions, there’s finger nails, there’s like a tuna fish sangwich on the ground. It’s like WWIII went down last night, it’s crazy!
• Whatever happens, happens.. ya know what I'm sayin'? I got the best blow-out in the country. CABS ARE HERE!!!
• Uncle Nino is an O.G. an Original Guido.
• I can’t believe your chick bounced.. did you try to put it in her butt or somethin’?
• Vinny's gonna take the girl he's in love with, I'm gonna take the girl I'm in love with, then I figured you could come, too.
• We noticed beached whales at the beach... oh no I'm sorry, it was Angelina & her friend Gina.
• &This guy definitely wrote down a fake # 'cause who the hell would want Angelina to call them after that.
• CHARLIE'S DEAD!!!
• Hello, Palace of Love .... CABS ARE HERE!

The Situation

• Ronnie’s at the club, hooking up with Grenades… that is a bigger-ugly-chick & also Landmines.. which is a thin-ugly-chick .. and um, lovin’ life.
• His name is Ronnie, but you can probably call him Sloppy Joe.
• 'What should we do with the chicken on the floor????' Pick that sh*t up, dawg!
• I don't know how Sammi doesn't know.. I think she has an idea but she doesn't wanna believe it.. it goes back to the day that you thought the tooth fairy was alive.
• 
  doesn’t want to give up his cookie, and that’s Sam. You need to give up your cookie son, so you can find another one. I’m eatin’ chocolate cookies every night, dawg.
• In this type of situation you need to separate the two sets of girls and then you have to separate the hippopotamus from her good lookin’ friend.
• I will extract the hot one and leave the grenade to blow up in Ronnie’s room by herself.
• I’ll be flippin’ pancakes while people are punching themselves in the face.
• Sam knew while they were together he was still dogging her. The girl was pretty much peed on by Ronnie, he peed in many different ways. She just took it & smiled… just like when you’re little & you wanna believe Santa Claus is alive… f*ckin’ Santa Claus is dead.
• After all this, “I feel bad I got a boyfriend.” – WHAT?! You shoulda felt bad at the club when I was grabbin’ up on yo ass.
• Angelina is like the Staten Island Ferry.. everyone gets a ride & it's free!
• If you don't go to the gym, you don't look good.. if you don't tan, you're pale & if you don't do laundry you ain't got no clothes!
• SHUT YOUR MOUTH YOU DIRTY LITTLE HAMSTER!
• I had to move the table ‘cause it was gettin’ real serious. I didn’t want anything to happen to the table.. ya know what I’m sayin’?
• Don't come over somebody's house at f*ckin' 5am & expect to play checkers.
• The bugs in the Everglades are huge. They're about the size of Snooki.

Snooki

• I don’t go tanning tanning anymore because Obama put a 10% tax on tanning. I feel like he did that intentionally for us, like McCain would never put a 10% tax on tanning.. because he is pale and he would probably wanna be tanned.
• I feel like I’m gonna be like a tornado. I’m just gonna go from place to place like destroying it.
• Eating fried pickles was a life changing experience.
• I feel like a pilgrim from the friggin’ 20’s washing shit right now.
• The glasses are pretty much all crystalled out, all bling-bling, but when you put them on you can’t really see.. so I don’t think you can't drive with them.. because you’ll get a ticket.
• My first thought was: I don’t wanna clean this up. My second thought was: I just fucked up dinner. My third thought was: What the fuck am I gonna eat?
• I can't see any ice creams, I can't see any customers, cuz I'm a f*ckin' Smurf.
• I don’t think Mike can go a day without taking his shirt off. He looks like a frickin’ dirty old man outside with his shirt off.. at an ice cream shop.
• Guys are douchebags & I hate them all. They don’t know how to deal with women & I feel that’s why the lesbian rate is going up in this country.
• Do you know what gay guys do? They’re not attracted to vagina, they’re attracted to a**hole.
• Word of the day: sympathetic. That’s a big word.
• It’s like putting a watermelon into a pinhole.
• I don’t give a f*ck. You had my sloppy seconds, good for you… & obviously you’re loosey-goose cuz he got it in.
• What I would love to find is a guido, juicehead with my style who's not a cheater 'cause I'm not gonna go on Match.com again.
• 
  's like my big brother, I love him.. but usually you don't have sex with your big brother.
• If you want me to cook and poison everybody & we're gonna be dead in 2 minutes?... Whatever.
• A crow comes and it starts quacking at us... or not quacking, what does a crow do?

Vinny

• My uncles want me to just come here & bang everything, but I kinda want better quality girls.
• I mean, just because we’re from Staten Island doesn’t mean that we’re gonna get along with each other, I mean, she lacks brains.. so, we don’t get along.
• Snooki is a walking disaster, everywhere she goes she falls, everything she touches she drops, it's not her fault, she just attracts drama.
• Finally, the heavens have answered & I found a barbershop in Miami.
• You look hot…you just took my breath away.
• Jenni’s tits definitely defy gravity. I think Albert Einstein should come back and rewrite his laws of physics and work it around Jenni’s tits.
• Mike and Pauly would take a stray dog if there were no girls left.
• I’m in Miami.. I don’t want girls studying for finals; I want girls studying for dick!
• This year I’m a little more DTS, down to snuggle with Snooki.
• With this spray tan, this chain & this fitted, how could she not love me?
• OK, Kim Kardashian .. more like the Rob Kardashian of Staten Island, you ugly b*tch!
• She'll clean the house... she'll bring people whatever they want, they don't make women like my mother anymore.
• Sometimes if you mix 2 grenades it might make one good lookin' girl.

Sammi

• I didn’t eat JWOWW’s food.. on purpose, I’m pretty sure she looked at my plate, like ‘look at that bitch is not eating my food.’

Ronnie

• It’s not Saved by the Bell, we’re not Zack & Kelly.
• Toma, toma, toma.. she was like 'ven aqui, ven aqui', pow!
• I don’t like tests, that’s why I didn’t go to college.. don’t test me, cuz I will fail a majority of the time.
• Right away I know it’s either Shnooky or Jenni, but then I read the letter & I see the word “wisely,” and I know Shnooky doesn’t use that kinda vocabulary.
• Angelina’s a pimp! She’s literally all over Vinny’s cock the other night & now tonight she’s all over Jose. She’s got game.. you can’t hate on her.
• Jose's definitely getting played... like a piano.
• God only knows what’s on these.. cuz [the flowers] were just on the bed for 3 hours. They got my children on there, Mike’s children, Shnooky juice.
• Standing in one corner, 4 foot 9, 2 inches w/the poof, 'Snooki' Polizzi... standing in the other corner at 322 lbs, the Staten Island Dump.
• Mike's definitely a pot stirrer, yes - he likes to cause a lot of problems and then go take a nap after he does it.

Jwoww

• “I’m the Kim Kardashian of Staten Island”… with what ass? Pancake ass…
• I’m putting Vaseline on my face, taking my earrings out, putting my hair up & I’m beating the crap out of her.
• Our boss Enzo makes me put on this black t-shirt that suffocates my girls... it was like come on, let the girls breathe.
• Tell him to Google it.. it’s Gay Parade week….end.
• Everyone enjoyed the meal... except for Debbie Downer.
• Nicole is hooking up with Dennis & I want to vomit & I am traumatized for the rest of my life. These sounds were horrendous & I never want to hear them again.

Angelina

• Do I get like a Get Out of Jail Free card?