Credits [http://www.jerseyshorequotes.com/]

Pauly

• Cowboy hat is probably another term for Deena’s cooka.
• You don’t come in on Sunday with a big banana and expect everything to be peaches.
• Ra-Ra-Ra ROGER THAT!
• You better send roses to the house, you feel me?! ROSES, DAWG, WITH PICKLES IN UM!! FRIED PICKLES!! for my sister.
• I'm over here tryin' to clean my sneaks, I can't concentrate with all this fighting .. like they're talkin' about f*ckin' relationships and my sneakers are dirty!
• I'm stressed over over Ron and Sam's relationship .. am I supposed to be stressed out over someone else's relationship?? It's not right!
• One-Two-Three-Four, I declare a prank war!
• I’m in the bathroom, gettin’ Fresh-to-Death as I do! & I see these disgusting panties & I’m like who the hells panties are these?!
• How you supposed to get fresh in the bathroom with some dirty-ass drawers that belong to someone in this house?
• I’ll stay an extra hour, cuz I know we f*cked up .. just cuz she took a sh*t & he bought a vehicle. Excuse my language.

The Situation

• If Deena was a holiday, she’d definitely be Thanksgiving.. ‘cause she’s got a lot to give and she’s down for a lot-a-stuffin’.
• You are the Blast From The Past.. wait, what is it? The Blast in a Cup? I am putting you up for Rookie of the Year Award!
• You need to feed the machine before the machine can run.
• It's like having chicken put on the table with salt and pepper.. then somebody takes away the chicken and then you're left with salt and pepper.
• I was lookin’ for that threesome.. it turned into just the D-some.
• Deena calls herself The Holiday and I like to call her the Holiday Inn.. so 6 minutes and 53 seconds into Karma, the Holiday Inn closed early tonight.
• Deena could possibly be fulfilling some of her deep down fantasies for Ronnie by hooking up with the Ronnie look-a-like.
• I don't think I'd share a drink with Deena or a cigarette with Deena or anything that has to do with Deena's lips in the near future.
• We're waiting for Sam, who's straightening her hair... whose hair is already straight! Come on man! The only thing that needs to be straightened out is her brain.
• Ironically, Ron called Sam every curse under the sun and destroyed all of her stuff. Ron had been pissed at me for Guy Code... it's like where's like general Human Code?
• Some days I’m Uncle Situation, other days I’m Dr. Situation, I’m Chef Situation.. Bang Your Girl Situation… I’m like a pretty deep dude.
• There’s classes of grenades, it goes like: Grenade, Grenade Launcher, Submarine, Tank… then after the Tank it’s the A-Bomb.
• Deena turns into the Sloppapotamus.. a combination of a Slot Tart & a hippopotamus put together. It’s a Slopa..Slopa..Slopatapadis?
• Deena & Snooks have just shown again why they defy the laws of intelligence.

Snooki

• Pauly, adorable, you’re gonna love him.. you’ll probably have sex with him. Just sayin’.
• When I see everyone drinking with me it's like Hallelujah, Hallelujah!
• Even though we're tiny bitches, I don't give a sh*t.. I will f*ckin' attack you like a squirrel monkey.
• This is the first night that we're going out to a club.. f*ckin' Rom & Sam aren't coming out, SHOCKER.. shocker. So what are they gonna do? They're gonna look at each others eyes and say "I love you, baby," all night? We're in f*ckin' Seaside, bitch - let's go to f*ckin' Karma.
• Honestly, like who hides in a bush? Only me. I will pee in a bush, I will poop in a bush and I will hide in a bush. I do f*cked up sh*t, I don't even know what's wrong with me.
• Old people, they lose their sex life and that’s not a fun time.. that’s why people always get divorced.
• It was like a f*cking phenomenon.. oh, not a phenomenon.. a f*ckin' train wreck, it wasn't fun!
• Every time I get really excited like if we go to a club, I have to poop my pants.. if we go to a party, I have to poop my pants, if I go on a date, like this, with a hot guy, I have to poop my pants.
• 
  is like an Energizer Bunny, but her batteries don’t die. My batteries DIE.
• It doesn't come up "Stripper Pole" on my credit card, right? Cuz my Dad would be like "what the f*ck?!"
• I hate the ocean, it's all whale sperm. Everybody Google it, because that's why the water is salty, from the f*ckin' whale sperm.
• I told [Pauly D] I'm taking his sperm & making babies out of it.
• I remember I
  
  all day once & the next day I couldn't even move.
• The staircase is really really small and the bed is really wide, it's kinda like an analogy of Vinny's penis not fitting in my pinhole.
• Jenni looks so hot, like pornstar hot. If Roger wasn't there, I'd probably have sex with her.
• If you don’t want to cuddle, thanks for the braciola but no dinner dates with you & me, goodbye, never see you again.
• Can you look at me real quick?! WATCH THE ROAD!!!! but do I look hot???

Deena

• She's probably Ronnie's backpack anywhere he goes in the club. She's a female backpack.
• I have no idea why Sammi’s here. She’s boring. There’s nothing to her, she’s just there. She’s like furniture.
• I would never IN MY LIFE lick a butt ... LET'S BE REAL!
• It’s not Halloween. I’m not handing out candy for free, like you need a golden ticket to get in these drawers.
• Team Meatballs ONE – Bromance ZERO.
• Mike thinks he's gonna get over on the Meatballs, but in reality baby, the Meatballs make the best of every situation, so go screw yourself Mike.

Vinny

• Like a monkey has to go to the f*ckin' jungle, I belong at the Jersey Shore.
• You’ve never heard of a shower caddy, dawg?!
• It's T-shirt time, it's T-shirt time, yo everybody it's T-shirt time... I made a rap, it's hard being this cool, ya know?
• Oh my god... this girl at the club is beyond the word stalker. She is a parasite and I am the host.
• She's begging for Seabiscuit.. like literally.. BEGGING.
• We got the best of both worlds, we got to hang out with Ronnie while he's with Sam.
• You’re gonna come into my house and try to take her away? What is this f*ckin’ Romeo and Juliet? The Capulet’s and the f*ckin’ whatever?

&[The stripper pole] is not that sturdy.. like no fat girls can go on it, but it would be pretty funny.

• Danielle is at the house tonight, stalker, stage 5 clinger, alert alert .. is in my house tonight.
• His name isn’t Sitch anymore, it’s Snitchuation.

Ronnie

• I can smell the fake tans and the hair gel already.
• Snooki walks in the door with this Gremlin look-a-like & she says she's the new roommate.
• I need a mind condom because I’m being mind f*cked.
• I don't get an apology.. or I'm sorry, not a hug or nothin'.. I get a piece a pizza, not a f*ckin' protein shake, you bring me pizza, of all things.. REALLY?!
• Everyone's having a good time, everyone's gettin' along in the house. But, once again, one step forward, two step backs.
• Listening to Mike about relationship problems is like a listening to a sailor about flying a plane.
• Yo, u wanna GTF? Gym, Tan, Find-Whose-Underwear-Those-Are?

Jwoww

• Stick [your penis] in one of the jet holes and go to bed.
• There’s no controlling that 4’9” girl, she’s like a 3,000 pound man.. she’s like a bulldozer.

Sammi

• What’s her name? Diana? Deena? She looks exactly like Snooki, like 4 feet tall, short little meatball, exactly like Snooki.
• A walking holiday? What does that mean? Are you gonna give out candy? Like I don't get it.
• Deena kinda reminded me of like a dirty Chihuahua, just barking, and like you kinda just wanna smack it to the side.
• Why IS Ronnie bleeding out of his ass? I have no idea.