special thanks to Jackie, who I stole the original list from.

• If I were a month, I would be April.
• If I were a day of the week, I would be Wednesday.
• If I were a time of the day, I would be 12:21.
• If I were a planet, I would be in a galaxy far, far away.
• If I were a sea animal, I would be an orca.
• If I were a direction, I would be west.
• If I were a piece of furniture, I would be a couch, the kind that you fall into.
• If I were a sin, I would be sloth.
• If I were a historical figure, I would be Moses.
• If I were a liquid, I would be clear.
• If I were a stone, I would be polished.
• If I were a tree, I would be tall and graceful.
• If I were a bird, I would be a sparrow.
• If I were a tool, I would be a ruler.
• If I were a flower, I would climb.
• If I were a kind of weather, I would be summer rain.
• If I were a musical instrument, I would be a harp.
• If I were an animal, I would be a panda.
• If I were a colour, I would be used to paint the sky.
• If I were a vegetable, I would be a bean.
• If I were a sound, I would be the sound of faint music in the morning.
• If I were an element, I would be water.
• If I were a car, I would be a VW Beetle.
• If I were a song, I would be a medley.
• If I were a movie, I would be sci-fi.
• If I were a book, I'd be full of allegory.
• If I were food, I would be crackers.
• If I were a place, I would be somewhere quiet.
• If I were a material, I would be wood.
• If I were a taste, I would be salty.
• If I were a scent, I would be citrusy.
• If I were a religion, others would try to prove me wrong.
• If I were a word, I would clatter off the tongue.
• If I were an object, it would be difficult to put me in my place.
• If I were a body part, I would be a heart.
• If I were a facial expression, I would be worn.
• If I were a subject in school, I would be taught by a doting teacher.
• If I were a cartoon character, I would be realistic.
• If I were a shape, I would be round.
• If I were a number, I would be fourteen.