• 1.) "You can keep the receipt."

- In my opinion the single most annoying thing that a customer can say to a cashier, especially when you say it in that super sweet tone "you can keep the receipt" big smile, walk away like you just did me some big favor. Guess what? i don't want your receipt any more than you do.

• 2.)"Paper/Plastic would be OK"

- If you are not 100% satisfied in your choice in bag, you are perfectly welcome to the alternative.

• 3.)"I don't need a bag, I'll carry it"

- My bad, we do not offer levitating bags at this grocery store. Maybe try whole foods? Bottom line, even if I give you a bag you'll still have to carry your groceries home.

• 4.) announce your mode of transportation

- Me: "we're out of paper bags" some chick: "But, you see I need one, I'm walking." My bad, had i known that you were walking I'd have saved one for you. You should call in advance before pursuing such endeavors. Everyone loves to tell you how they travel and how somehow their choice between the two main bag options is drastically affected by this. "double plastic chap, I'm taking the bus"

• 5.) The third time it doesn't ring up "it's free"

- I know you don't actually think that. It's just a terrible joke, a terrible joke that i hear about 192 times a day. I'm just going to enter the PLU jackass.