this section just lists my ongoing thoughts

• view at you own risk, I'm not putting content/trigger warnings past this

• situation going on for just barely month still no "real" resolution
• it's dead anyways

• NO ONE FUCKING CARES PLEASE SHUT UPPPP

• kinda suprised it hasn't happened yet, even with like half my mindset but it's probably because I'm too scared
• is it?

• plleeaaaassseee SHUT UP ALREADY
• STOP FUCKING LYING ABOUT YOURSELF TO MAKE YOURSELF LOOK BETTER

• THE KIRBY ANIME COLLAB IS BACK
• LET'S FUCKING GOOOO I HOPE I GET IN 😭
• edit: I GOT IN LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

• I don't really have an ex (unless if we're counting ex-best frieds, hello the guy I've been yelling at in my head for the past few months) but if I did and I get asked the "you get a wish but you're ex gets 5 times or whatever the wish you got" I'd ask for a single stalker.
• maybe 2 if I'm feeling adventurous and for extra paranoia.

• genuinely wondering if I'm going insane
• or it's gaslighting
• probably the first one honestly
• it's all "wrong" apparently my thoughts
• yeah I just don't like kids, I might not always have a happy or positive attitude or like compliments but like fym they're "wrong"???
• wondering if they're going to send me to like a therapist or mental institution or sm at this rate
• yeah like talkings gonna solve all my problems
• ik they say don't use your friends as a therapist or whatever but hey look at how things ended up
• guess the supports can't lean on what they're supporting

• you don't have to be smart or have your life miserable to know life ain't fair

• it's nice playing Dani again
• it almost feels normal again
• oh yeah I got a phone yesterday lmao I just forgot to write it down

• my fucking chip bag exploded during break
• oh yeah also went to my very first concert (like ever)
• I love Miku although I only recognised 3 of the songs
• I ran out of storage while I was taking photos I missed taking a pic of magical cure love shot or miku miku beam
• my throat hurts but it was worth it
• also song I want to find
• miku song, I think it was about clocks?
• she was wearing a white gown, kinda like the one she wore in stardust medley
• just found out kairiki bear (darling dance) was featured in the tour but didn't play at my comcert I'm sad

• actually
• when he got mad at me for talking about my interests
• he said it made him uncomfortable
• didn't I tell him the same thing?
• I'm usually nice I'd say
• but you just fucking pushed me over the line
• stop ignoring me
• you're not the only victim here
• he told us to go to dms to talk for privacy
• and guess what
• you told everyone in the group
• you fucking ratted me out you sick FUCK
• you're really making it hard for me to not be mad at you or call you slurs
• you know what

• accidentally screamed at my mom's student after he pulled our cat's tail
• whoops

• I saw someone walking down the street with a t-shirt of Cyn I am so fucking happy right now

• I just heard a teacher just ask my teacher if she had pants on or not
• also it's snowing outside

• you know it's bad when the only thing keeping you going is fricking Hatsune Miku

• me and my best friend are oposite genders
• this is fine by me, however people think we're dating sometimes and it's often annoying
• I might just start pretending I'm lesbian next time I get asked

• broke the sewing needle on the sewing machine
• whoops
• I'm going to have some explaining to do later...

• thinking about Stardust Medley, Hiimmarmary, Deltarune, phone numbers, and the dang freedom motif nyan cat remix

• knee thingy later today
• chinese acupuncture or smth like that

• I hope it's gonna get better

• within 2 weeks my transmasc friends' (well ex-friend for one of them) favourite roblox games got canceled because of the creator in some way
• what do I do with this information

• I'll start listing my notes from what time I made them to make it easier

• I still think about them sometimes
• those times didn't matter though
• they never cared, did they

• other than that and my knees hurting for a few weeks I'm happy as fuck

• I wonder if people survived suicide keep living because they actually found a reason to, or if they felt forced to

• I pjsk'd a little too hard again my thumbs hurt
• also FINALLY FINISHED ALL MY DUED ART LET'S GOOO

• called a customer supports line for the first time
• I got rickrolled by the waiting line

• why am I having trouble breathing...

• okay so like
• lets say I want to buy something but the company/designer is problematic
• obviously you shouldn't buy it directly, because that's going the support the problematic party
• so obviously the right answer would be to just not buy it, but let's say I decided to anyways
• so like
• would it just be better is I gt it off a scalper...???
• if we want the real thing and not a bootleg, I gues technniiiccallllyyy a scalper would be the better choice...????
• I'm not looking for anyone to answer this this is just me thinking

• if they allow seconds:
• Fofa
• Ice Dragon
• Chilly
• Electronic Pet
• Sasuke
• Paint Roller
• Wheelie
• Cook Kirby
• Needle Kirby

• Miitopia stuff
• why the hell did I say miitopia-
• other stuff
• add a single cigarette as food
• Miis to add
• Sukuna
• Ado/Adeleine (?)
• Rodger???
• swiftronic
• KAITO
• Megurine Luka
• Elnina (and Lanino I guess)
• n/25 Miku
• (needs revamps)
• Sprout (again...)

• was helping my friend with her twin buddies for fathers day gift
• my friend's twin said her dad was 19 and then my twin said her dad was 86
• also a random mouse just spawned in the middle of the baeball diamond while we were playing soccer baseball and the girls just slowly courted it to the grass field while the mouse was spinning in circles and the boys were getting impatient

• take something seriously, WILL YOU????
• just SHUT YOU FUCKING MOUTH and STOP ACTING LIKE YOUR JUST AN INNOCENT KID ON THE INTERNET.
• YOU TOLD ME THE SAME THING, CAN'T YOU TAKE ANYTHING SERIOUSLY??? I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER SEEN YOU SHOW A REAL EMOTION ONCE
• oh yeah and you better not be refering to me as "evil" or "mean" because damn wow you're a hypocrite
• listen I know I ain't a bloody saint but please SHUT UP

• had another mental breakdown during class
• sighs
• dude what the hell am I going to do after high school it sounds so depressing

• my right shoulder feels like it's gonna fall off aaaaaaafgbnwagebsd

• always thought stalkers/stalking is funny/kinda pointless
• like unless your goal is to make your target suffer as much as possible or push them over the edge with paranoia, it's kinda useless
• like I've seen people obsessive over like for example: their ex
• if you want to get back together, I don't think following them is like... going to work???
• if you keep sending them texts about how they should get back together, threats or not, I don't think the ex in the example here would suddenly go "awww how sweet yeah good idea!"
• if anything they'll just block you and maybe even get a restraining order against you

• also I learned what w33d smells like
• my friend said this was the 2nd or 3rd time he smelt w33d while we where in toronot (it's legal in canada as long as you're 19+)
• the thing that concerns me the most is
• the smell he said was the smell of w33d
• it's the scent of my best friend's house
• both houses, it's always that smell
• so... that's that I guess....

• still hasn't messaged me back
• I want to kill myself

• Brandon hasn't shown up to school since Monday (it's Thursday rn)
• he usually has a perfect attendance so yeah it's unusal
• teacher said she thinks he's at a funeral
• his sister isn't here too, Vesper asked me if I've seen her or Brandon obviously no
• Dani hasn't talked to me in a while either
• not unusual ever since... that but it's still not a great feeling
• kinda worried about him and Brandon...

• my mom just asked me if I wanted to go to the event that I literally helped planning and promoting

• the kids at my church somehow concluded that 67 was some kind of conspircacy from North Korea
• I don't know how this concluded to that

• I once again forgot Kirby's birthday
• happy birthday kirby

• oh shit they're becoming self aware FUCK

• she said they'll be 4 volunteers
• there's at least 20~30 people here right now

• thankfully not snowing right now but damn
• also I need to get a phone soon I want to get Kofi and like actually use it

• Kirby and Stardust Medley
• change my mind.

• ...I got my right index finger under the sewing machine
• right under my nails
• it's kinda weird
• I didn't feel anything until I tried getting the needle out I felt something
• it kinda like a burning sensation
• it kinda hurts
• need to be more careful...

• there was someone outside winners today
• mom told me to give her some of the cinnamon rolls we bought atthe bakery
• I did
• the women had a child coming soon, no doubt
• I would've done it anyways
• she thanked me, also asked about my croc charms so I also gave her one
• I like helping people
• I hope her life improves and hopefully she can take care of the child when it comes

• one of my only friends at school said it'd be cool if we could watch the final episode of the amazing circus in theatres with a few others
• this was the first time I got like included in something outside of school with my friends, even if it's only like a maybe

• deltarune
• I wonder what chapter 5 is gonna look like
• the nyan cat freedom motif remix is kind of fire
• the fircking Teto propaganda song is also stuck in my head so that's nice

• just another
• roadblock
• to destroy or get past and move on
• another
• broken piece of a machinery
• to replace and scrap
• no thoughts
• just action
• the vehicle
• keeps moving
• the machine
• keeps working
• nothing changes
• don't deny it
• stop lying

• I wonder if he's okay
• he said he'd play with me today: if something happened I feel like he would've told me
• I hope everything's okay

• also adding the date to the top of my notes because the onsite one is a bit off from my time

• the teacher wnted me to say something so I said "nice haircut"
• apparently that was what I was actually supposed to say-

• maybe one day I won't have to hear or see him ever again and I can just be in peace

• the cat stop watch genie
• also happy birthday Dani yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

• I wish he'd shut up, stop being a hypocrite and face reality for a moment
• eh I'm being petty again

• okay so uhh things I have to do by the start of july 😭
• concept
• yes
• project
• coms

• oki oki concepts (this won't count for disqualification right...????)
• weirdcore (BALLOON, A BOUNCY HOUSE-)
• sakura/cherry blosson
• ying yang (random idea but sure)
• aquarium/fish (FISH)
• cosmic brownie (sure why not I guess-)
• you are not the fool. you are the entire circus

• okay I don't want you dead nor do I hate you, both are too strong of a word.
• however, I do heavily dislike you (like as a genuine and not a joke, congrats you're like one of two people I genuinely don't like) and I want you out of my sight and life

• after watching the final episode of tadc, I decided I don't want to eat any more popcorn. please no.
• I still have a third left in my bag. I was eating the whole time icluding the ads and I barely made a dent.
• please don't feed me more.

• why do I bother at this point

• came back from the toronto field trip... it was really fun!
• should've known $200 wouldn't cover all my shopping fees....

• my mom just told me everyday now when I woke up I have to hug her and the reason she gave me was "you never know when I'm going to die"...?????
• dude she never hugs me unless we fought and then she realised she was wrong like ???? what

• we'll see how high school goes
• we'll see how high school goes
• we'll see how high school goes
• we'll see how high school goes
• we'll see how high school goes
• we'll see how high school goes
• we'll see how high school goes
• we'll see how high school goes
• we'll see how high school goes
• we'll see how high school goes
• we'll see how high school goes
• we'll see how high school goes
• we'll see how high school goes
• we'll see how high school goes
• we'll see how high school goes
• we'll see how high school goes
• we'll see how high school goes
• we'll see how high school goes
• we'll see how high school goes
• we'll see how high school goes
• we'll see how high school goes

• that day
• that day it happened
• I told them to wait for you
• I told them shouldn't we find a better time when you where also available
• they just waved me off and didn't care
• and then they got mad at you for not talking to them for almost a week
• it still tugs at me from time to time

• okay so I made a google doc's title the entire lyrics of bling bang bang born and found out that google docs has a very long title capacity limit

• HELL YEAH we're going to go watch tadc in the theatres

• note to self:
• tell library teacher and announcement crew about the art thingy
• ask if we can put posters up in the school

• AHHHHHHH
• HIIMMARYMARY GOT AN UPDATE LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOO

• I only know one song that includes Oliver (the vocaloid) (also I'm not counting the cameo he makes at the end of deparation march) but I do know from that one single song I need to protect him at all costs

• I wonder if it hurts this bad to have a sewing needle through your finger
• how much would a knife stab hurt?
• maybe I shouldn't find out if I had a choice

• I am NOT going to be allowed to use the sewing machine after this project...

• didn't read the email properly and showed up for the meeting
• whoops

• ntohing beats a nice rainy day
• no like actually it's really nice

• the machinery
• a piece breaks
• replace the poece
• you either
• re-use and recycle the piece
• same machine or not
• or
• you throw it away
• in the end, does it really matter which option you choose?
• it's still the same machine
• it's still continues it's same task
• who cares if a piece has been replaced?
• who cares if a piece got thrown away?
• it doesn't matter at the end, does it
• stop lying to me

• thining about deltarune
• I want to get the full game I only have the demo

• I need to grow up, stop being a bitch, and get a life
• yep that's what I need

• got forgotten about again but it's okay I'm used to it now

• when I stopped texting him
• after that night
• now he's advertising for people to message him
• ran out of people that dms him everday
• sighs