dancing on a wire is a song by keygrip, featured at the end of supernatural's seventh episode "hook man" when watching the series on streaming services.

outside of a few moments i find enjoyable, in most ways hook man is a largely unremarkable episode to me. it was today that i reached it when i was going through the first batch of episodes i'd already seen again, i almost decided to skip the episode entirely before i felt compelled to give it a go anyway. i'm glad that i do so, even if i still do feel as though the episode is largely only okay and little else.

the song is featured at the end of the episode, right as the episode is coming to a close. dean turns to his brother sam and suggests that they cold stay, only for sam to silently shake his head, thus dean drives off as the song plays.

this particular moment and the song itself brought to mind something that's been looming over me for nearly a decade now. this was something i was thinking about not that long ago, either, around christmas last year to early january of 2026. it's the kind of thing i could dispel at any moment, and yet haven't even as the supposed end i established for it myself grows closer. i am now closer to it's end than i am closer to the moment i had that choice. it's almost bizarre, reflecting on all these thoughts and ideas i can still remember so vividly in some respects even if other things from the time are nothing but a blur. i have so many moments like this, overall.

i still remember how terrified i was to become an adult when i was 14 and going to be turning 15. i was absolutely terrified, knowing then i was closer to adulthood than childhood. i honestly can't even tell myself i was wrong to feel that way. the way it manifested was a bit extreme and my perspective on it was deeply unhealthy in a way i hope i've moved on from since, but i can't blame the kid that i was for being that way at the time. i truly didn't know better at all, i had no idea the path my life would go down or how i would turn out in the end. despite how often i'm able to accurately draw conclusions i won't realize the weight of for years to come, i genuinely seem to lack any real foresight. i feel like i'm not keeping up as life continues to go on and on.

i've felt this way before, this specific sensation in my head and in my chest. the sensation of being at some kind of turning point, i know it well. i can still picture the way things were one of those moments i felt this way before, as i was caught up in some dumb already forgotten conflict online involving a bunch of people i only half remember. i'm not even sure which year that all took place, the details are that fuzzy in my mind. i could try to figure it out, but it's not worth it to dig it all back up. it's better off forgotten.

there are so many things i remember down this path. it's funny how things can happen like this. my thoughts are a complicated web that i spin on and on every day i'm alive, everything grows progressively more interwoven until i can't make heads or tails of the conclusions i've drawn later on. there are too many things for me to even reasonably try to touch on here.

it's almost funny, feeling this touched by a song that was only even placed where it was due to licensing issues induced by all these big copyright issues i won't even pretend to fully understand. that song wasn't even there when the episode originally aired on television, and it might not be there in another 20 years if the license on the keygrip's song ends up expiring and they decide to just replace the track again. i honestly find the impermanence of that almost rotten to it's core, though i guess it speaks to the impermanence of everything as it is in general in some bizarre, grander way. it's almost something you could pass off as poetic or something.

this moment as it exists will one day be nothing more than a memory and one day, sooner or later, even that will be something that fades away completely. yet, even still, it remains everything to me.

i hope even in the far distant future i couldn't possibly imagine, someone is moved by supernatural in the same way i was right now.

♫ : And if I leave this space too long, find me