Am I happy with who I am turning into? Do I really want to be the career woman, or is it ego? Third option I always forget about - I crave challenge. I don’t have to work outside office hours generally, and especially not more than someone whose job I would consider much less intense. So why frame yourself to be incapable?

I don’t want to be just all work and hard sports. I don’t want to be the obnoxious career focused triathlete type who puts those things above anything else. Yes I crave to be challenged and busy. But this can also be on different levels and not all at once. These years with small children are also just the rush hour of life.

I want to be who I am. To do work where I can use my intelligence and meet people who are likeminded. I am not sure the latter is happening at the moment. And does it need to be at work?

I also want to devour thirty books a year. Roll through the mud with my kids. Sleep in. Play through sports and nature, alone and with family and friends. I want to have a rich life. Music will come back to me when there is more space for sleep.

I want to feel like me in my body. I think I am a strong and classic woman. I want to dress the part. I feel like I have been hiding a bit too much. Not having fun with clothes. Not making sure I feel like me wearing them. I am sure it will help once my hair grows back and doesnt look as weird. I want to wear shoes that make me feel classy and fierce. A coat that makes me feel chic. Pants or other bottoms that dont make me gasp for air. Jewelry to bring out my eyes and show off my hands.