- August 2007 personal exchanges
- The Turtle email
- June 2008 question about hand-holding
- July-August 2008 extraordinary email exchanges
- October 31 2008 Chicago/LV trip -- first overnight together
- November 2008 "Falling in love" question
- November 2008 "if this is love then I'm in love"
- December 2008 "I finally get it, you love me"
- January 2009 first time he publicly fantasizes about us being together at Endymion and talks about flying home early
- February 17 2009 he says he never has had as much fun during sex as with me
- February 23 2009 he admits that about 3 weeks ago he decided he doesn't care if our affair is discovered
- March 14 2009 spent our second overnight together
- March 23 2009 expressions of love unlike others; unbelievable closeness
- March 28 2009 difficulties with Lori at Endymion (seeing the truth laid bare); my letter to him about the Revolutionary Road quote
- April 7 2009 his letter back to me
- April 10 2009 he clarified his letter - wants to make things work with Lori
- April 23-24 2009 had first orgasms with me since Easter Sunday 2007 (and only 1 in 2006)
- mid April-early May 2009 no sexual relations with Lori for nearly a month and no subsequent orgasms at Endymion
- May 18, 2009 he told Jan about me
- End of June/early July begins to talk more about what future would be like; talks more about how deeply he loves me
- July 15, 2009 Laughed during orgasm for the first time
- August 18, 2009 First time having sex in a movie theatre
- August 20, 2009 "Teach me to be happy," and "I think I could be happy with you" / first time having sex with clothes on, high heels
- September 5, 2009 Started talking explicitly about what a future together would be like
- October 2009 Email letters about infidelity book and our views on life, sex, relationships
- November 2009 Said he didn't want to start over again and didn't like geographical distance
- December 2009 Said he had never gotten a gift like the tokens I gave him, and he shed a few tears
- December 2009 Began discussing possible life together
- December 26, 2009 Had "the big talk" with Tom
- February 16, 2010 Lori found out about us
- February 19, 2010 Lori kicked Ken out of the house; he found an apt the next day
- May 14-18, 2010 Road trip together (Colorado-Utah-Arizona)
- May 21, 2010 First fight/discussion about future of our relationship, sex drives, etc.
- June 18, 2010 First visit to Minneapolis
- September 2010 - Visit to Endymion and talk about our future relationship and my reluctance to commit to a long-term future yet
- October 2010 - Horrible, irrational argument when Ken visited me (possibly cigarette detox-related)
- November 11-13, 2010 - Admitted he lied about how he met Linda (he pursued her through an online ad) and said he wanted to date her (later discovered that he had greatly compressed the timeline of their meeting and dating)
- November 21, 2010 - another mental meltdown with Ken as we discussed dating, sexual relationship with Linda (said she had been tested)
- November 22-23, 2010 - Ken sends emails about his mental state and how I provoke fears, etc. in him
- November 26, 2010 - Ken says he won't be dating Linda and "has fallen in love with me all over again"
- Early December 2010 - Ken went to dinner with Linda and was supposed to see a Christmas concert with her that got cancelled because of a snowstorm
- December 26, 2010 - I asked Ken to clarify his dates with Linda. Ken admits he and Linda had sex (didn't indicate when it started or how often)
- December 30, 2010 - Ken says he told Linda last night that they couldn't be anything but dance partners
- December 31, 2010 - Ken had another meltdown on the night of my open house; I spent midnight crying
- January 17, 2011 - bad argument/break-up - gave him an ultimatum about going to see a therapist if we are to have any future together
- January 18, 2011 - Ken wrote that he wouldn't see a therapist "on an ultimatum"
- January 21, 2011 - Wrote a letter to Ken saying I was releasing him to pursue his journey with others
- February 3, 2011 - Met for dinner and ended with a conversation about what happened on the 18th. Didn't go particularly well. He said he remained confused over the rapidity of how it happened but then wasn't open to hearing me explain how it really had not been rapid but could be traced back to last May. Offered his advice that I may want to examine my "commitment issues" and that in future relationships I might want to sit down and have a calm explanation of issues before pulling the plug. I said I thought we had done that in the emails we exchanged.
- February 8 - Sent email saying he couldn't be friends with me because I hadn't shown remorse; I sent a response seeking to keep lines of communication open
- February 11 - He sent an email asking me to clearly explain what my intentions were
- February 12 - Sent email in response asking for forgiveness and to maintain contact as friends; he wrote back saying he forgave me; we traded a few friendly emails until Feb. 24
- February 12-15 - Exchanged rehash emails about what happened
- March 10 - After a trip to Endymion in late February/early March, he wrote saying he needed "simplicity and groundedness" in his life and asked that we take a "hiatus" from communication; I wrote back honoring his request
- March 19, 2011 - He sent a letter of contrition for his role in our break-up, sent his new address, and said he was open to letters from me in the future; I wrote back asking if we could try again; he wrote expressing his fears.
- March 22, 2011 - Wrote me an email about his new relationship and his attempts to find stability in his life; he's back in therapy; we talked 2 hours by phone; doesn't feel romantic love for me, wants friendship only, but I'm very important to him
- April 13, 2011 - One hour phone conversation
- April 19, 2011 - Met for coffee (1.5 hrs); first meeting since Feb. 3; exactly one month since "amends" letter; held hands & hugged
- April 27, 2011 - Texted to ask if he could hear a warm, friendly voice; talked for 1+ hour about possible future of our relationship
- May 2011 - Committed to a relationship with me
- June 17, 2011 - First overnight visit at his new condo
- July 10, 2011 - Had minor meltdown at the end of our trip to Denver; later told me in December that it at this point he no longer felt "joy" in our relationship and it was "too much work"
- September 12, 2011 - disturbing conversation during Utah trip about his possible need to hit the "pause" button, his putting himself in a box where he feels he can't be himself, & his problems w/ our sex life
- September 22, 2011 - Picked a fight over minutae, blamed me for things going south, asked me to leave his hotel room; later learned that this was probably provoked by guilt over his secret affairs with other women, which started in July after the Denver trip
- September 24-26, 2011 - Emails traded about what happened in Utah and on Thursday night
- September 27, 2011 - He flew to LV for a long discussion. Said he felt boxed in by the thought of a long-term relationship; is thirsty for and needs to be open to new people and experiences in his life; still wants me in his life but in a different way yet asked me to work through a book on relationships with him
- October 8, 2011 - Found his texts to another woman named Jan Tharp
- October 9, 2011 - Discovered multiple ads & email exchanges with other women on his computer, including texts to Alana in Anchorage - officially broke up with him & told him we could not be friends because he hadn't been truthful
- December 14, 2011 - Met to give him his belongings and had a 30-minute conversation over his behavior, when he lost interest, when he started the other affairs, and why he wasn't truthful about any of it. We're officially done.
- August 14, 2012 - Sent me an amends email, admitting he missed our friendship and hadn't valued it enough; I sent a brief response Aug 17.
- August 19,2012 - Saw Ken & Jan at Half Time Rec. I was polite but distant
- September 26, 2019 - Received out-of-the-blue “amends” email w/ same subject heading as 2012 amends email
dec 19 2008 ∞
aug 6 2020 +
aug 6 2020 +