“In another lifetime, if we were to meet again—would you prefer me being your first love or last love again?”

Heeseung's expression is funny from where Jaeyun is looking up at him, down from Heeseung’s lap as his pillow and Heeseung’s frame as his roof.

He stifles his giggle behind his palm as Heeseung raises an eyebrow and lips curling in confusion, “Why the sudden question?”

Jaeyun hums, “I just want to know, hyung,” before resting his hand on top of Heeseung’s hand on his belly and the latter easily curls his fingers around the smaller hand in response.

It's not a question that eats at him with curiosity often but sometimes when Jaeyun is cleaning their bedroom and comes across the row of picture frames lining up their bedside table, he often wonders what it would've been like if the Jaeyun and Heeseung in those frames together weren't thirty-three year old men but seventeen year old teenagers in love.

Heeseung contemplates his answer for a minute, looking down at Jaeyun's face, eyes roaming over the familiar features he's already memorized through the years but still finding a different kind of beauty in them every single time.

“First or last doesn't matter to me," He starts, brushing his free hand over the mess of bed hair on Jaeyun's forehead, "—when I know for sure that your position in my heart and life will always be the same, at the top.”

A faint blush, almost translucent, spreads on Jaeyun's cheeks and Heeseung smiles softly before tracing the heated skin with his thumb.

“But wouldn’t you want to feel the rush of first love with me?”

“That’s romantic.” Heeseung laughs, lighthearted and the hand on his cheek sneakily descends down to poke at his nape, making Jaeyun squirm and giggle.

He pushes Heeseung's hand away, only for Heeseung to grab his own and place it on top of his chest, right above his heartbeat. “But I feel the same rush, if not more intense than that with you all the time even now.”

“Yes, it’d be nice to have you as my first love, but there’s not the security in it that last love provides. There might not be a future for us if we’re each other’s first love, but I know that the promise of forever is more concrete for us now, being each other’s last love. I’d choose to be your last lover in every lifetime, Jaeyun-ah because I want to love you until my last breath.”