• insecure. why am i so insecure all the time
• over thinking everything
• reacting to my emotions instead of being rational
• giving too much to the wrong people
• being stubborn
• being too critical of myself
• overly sensitive. sometimes i just wish i cared less
• general body unhappiness
• im not really great at anything...like really great. im just "okay" at a lot of things

i feel like this is a bad list topic...but kind of necessary? lately ive just been feeling out of sorts. i feel like im not good enough. not academically.. more socially. i feel like people meet me and they make me feel like im something great...and then as they get to know me they just get bored of me. they realize that maybe im not as good as what they first thought. not as interesting. not as...i dont even know what. it's almost like once they "figure me out" they just get bored. am i a boring person?

and then they just back off. or they leave. and im left chasing after them wondering what happened and why im not enough. The more i know someone...the more i want to show them how much i care about them. but everyone else seems the opposite? it's all fun and adventures and cool stuff in the beginning and you feel like you're something grand. and then it dies off and you just feel so plain.

i feel like that a lot lately. and it makes me mad because i shouldnt need other people to make me feel good about myself. i can do that on my own. i've done it on my own for a really long time and been okay.

it just sucks sometimes to have to do it on your own. sometimes i just wish i could find someone who would stick around.

who would think im just as great, just as "cool" and "exciting" 10 months from now as I was when they met me.

or maybe even like me even /more/ than they had originally.

imagine that.

i just wish i didnt care about things like this.

it makes me feel weak.

but maybe its just a something about myself that i should accept and love? maybe there are people out there who feel the same, and when we meet each other we'll understand and we'll just do nice things for each other all the time. and it wont just be a phase. it will just be who we are all the time.

i feel so alone sometimes.

are there other people like me?

or is there something wrong with me?

maybe i just need to toughen up?

maybe i just need to go to bed.