In AP literature class, I learned:

• Existentialism is NOT just something that happens on prom night
• Poems are written about love and death and . . . That's pretty much it
• When in doubt as to why certain literary device is used, just ramble on about how it adds description
• Cathy is a tree and a wombat
• The only reason anyone reads "Dover Beach" is so they will laugh harder when they read "Dover Bitch"
• Jefferson ain't a hog
• "Oedipus is the original motherfucker"
• Never joke about Mondler; the ninth level of hell is reserved for those who interfere with Monica and Chandler's relationship
• "Razum" means "reason" in Russian
• "The wildness of the moors is mirrored in the wildness of Heathcliff's character"
• In ancient Athenian times, kings often wore white suits
• Crime and Punishment contains very little crime or punishment
• If someone says "Naples" with the right kind of accent, it kinda sounds like they're talking about something else
• "Form follows function" is a good guess to make when answering prompts
• If the teacher says you don't have to do something, she's probably lying
• Writing a joke version of your essay won't get you an A, but it will get you the school's annual publication
• If you try hard enough, you can relate Friends to anything
• The people who write textbooks are all arrogant, condescending jerks
• You'll save yourself a lot of time if you just remember that Hamlet is just The Lion King but with Danish people
• Sexual innuendo is always funny, unless no one else caught it and now you're the only one laughing and the teacher knows about the whole thing
• If you want to watch the movie version, you better like John Malkovich
• Star Wars will not be accepted by the AP board as a work of literary merit
• Be grateful; some kids have parents that write poems about meter and scansion and think that that's an acceptable birthday gift
• It's okay to steal electricity and live in a sewer