• i hate missing you almost as much as i hated loving you

why are the only person id ever allow to be mean to me why was i so comfortable in your presence full of anger and grief and love why are you the only person who truly made me feel cared about why was i the exception to your hatred of everyone why did you love me why did you hurt me —————————————————————

• Right Now, Just Keep Your Head Above Water, No Matter How Much You Cant Stand To Breath The Air, No Matter How Much Your Lungs Miss The Feeling Of Being Full Of Warm Suffocating Water, No Matter How Much You Miss The Pain Of Being Caught And Released, You Cant Keep Letting Your Guard Down. You’ll Find A New Ocean, You’ll Find Different Fish, You Won’t Feel This Burn Forever.

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• i found god on the couch

god found me in the pool

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• Aching teeth aching heart i’d rather let them fall apart
• Missing teeth missing moments missing people that i shouldn’t

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• Beauty is pain and pain is temporary and beauty is temporary

but beauty is braiding my hair like a fairy and seeing how many weeks i can fix and pull and tighten and redo it for before my hairs too thin but beauty is gluing on lashes and glitter like a doll and seeing how many days i can scrub around it all in the sink just to add more glitter more eyeliner more plucked eyelashes but beauty is getting my nails done all long and pretty like a princess just to bite at them too, and re bleaching burning roots like angel

but feeling like myself is beauty but feeling like myself is pain but feeling like myself is temporary

so i brush my hair, 100 times over tangled braids shedding and do something different