• The Sun Shined A Little Brighter Today

it’s not a particularly special day, a random Thursday in the middle of June,

you’d expect the sun to be out, beaming, hot and sweaty, the perfect day for everyone to be out and about, I almost stayed inside my apartment laying unmoving in the cool air

but I stepped out to smoke, needing to move or id spend another few hours on that floor thinking about god knows what, ignoring all the good reasons i should just go outside, i needed to smoke.

and then, the shined brighter as if just for me, brighter than it was just coming in from the window, as if it was proud i made the conscious decision to move and bask in the heat, and i thought, a gut wrenching and bittersweet thought.

does the sun shine brighter when you’re not here? does it hurt my eyes and burn my skin more when you’re not here to shine brighter then it?

when was the last time i stared at the sun and not you in all your beautiful glowing glory?

or was it that you were there? in the sun, in the trees and the birds i could hear singing just like you would, were you there in the flowers id grown to love and appreciate so much because i needed someone, something to take care of too feel whole?

did i just never appreciate the sun for her stunning heat when you’d provide me the same warmth and redness to my cheeks? i still pretend you’re here, mouthing silent words of false conversations to myself alone, i could ask myself a million different theories as to why the sun shines brighter when you’re not around and the answer would still taste the same, bittersweet.

my cigarette long gone as i let the breeze smoke it, maybe that was you too, sharing like we used to, i light another and look around, my ashtray needs to be emptied, and i still need to put stickers on my bike, and it’s past noon and i still haven’t brushed my hair and, my plants needed to be watered. i wouldn’t have realized it i hadn’t stepped out,

but i’ve been choosing to pay attention to the little things. to appreciate them, especially flowers. My camera roll once filled with photos of You so soft and beautiful now filled with flowers, all different types and colors,

it started with just pink flowers, there was so many pink flowers on my walk to work it was hard to ignore how vibrantly they stood out against the greenery, shitty shaky photos of pink flowers in passing, then i started going out of my way to stop and kneel down to the flowers, i started learning how to get the right angle and the right lighting, just like i did for you,

there was always an analogy a comparison a reason related to you as to why i found things beautiful, now i just do? because they are nature worked so hard to make so many beautiful things things that aren’t just you, my camera roll now full with photos of flowers, mushrooms, bugs animals, photos of the creek, and sun setting behind the mountains peaks, photos of my dog sleeping, my family, my friends, Myself.

i known i couldve gone on and on thinking about you and the pros and cons of you not being there in the sun smoking with me, i could’ve smoked my whole pack away and sat there all day and night thinking about you, but? i didn’t need to, i didn’t need to think about you every waking moment anymore, i needed to clean my ashtray and water my plants and brush my hair, watch something i enjoy, and go on with my day.

i’m starting to find beauty in everything for myself, not just because i see you in everything beautiful,

I still Love You, Your thought and energy still lingers but it doesn’t haunt me anymore. The sun still shines brighter today but i don’t think it needs a reason too. e Sun Shined A Little Brighter Today particularly special day, a random Thursday in the middle of June,

you’d expect the sun to be out, beaming, hot and sweaty, the perfect day for everyone to be out and about, I almost stayed inside my apartment laying unmoving in the cool air

but I stepped out to smoke, needing to move or id spend another few hours on that floor thinking about god knows what, ignoring all the good reasons i should just go outside, i needed to smoke.

and then, the shined brighter as if just for me, brighter than it was just coming in from the window, as if it was proud i made the conscious decision to move and bask in the heat, and i thought, a gut wrenching and bittersweet thought.

does the sun shine brighter when you’re not here? does it hurt my eyes and burn my skin more when you’re not here to shine brighter then it?

when was the last time i stared at the sun and not you in all your beautiful glowing glory?

or was it that you were there? in the sun, in the trees and the birds i could hear singing just like you would, were you there in the flowers id grown to love and appreciate so much because i needed someone, something to take care of too feel whole?

did i just never appreciate the sun for her stunning heat when you’d provide me the same warmth and redness to my cheeks? i still pretend you’re here, mouthing silent words of false conversations to myself alone, i could ask myself a million different theories as to why the sun shines brighter when you’re not around and the answer would still taste the same, bittersweet.

my cigarette long gone as i let the breeze smoke it, maybe that was you too, sharing like we used to, i light another and look around, my ashtray needs to be emptied, and i still need to put stickers on my bike, and it’s past noon and i still haven’t brushed my hair and, my plants needed to be watered. i wouldn’t have realized it i hadn’t stepped out,

but i’ve been choosing to pay attention to the little things. to appreciate them, especially flowers. My camera roll once filled with photos of You so soft and beautiful now filled with flowers, all different types and colors,

it started with just pink flowers, there was so many pink flowers on my walk to work it was hard to ignore how vibrantly they stood out against the greenery, shitty shaky photos of pink flowers in passing, then i started going out of my way to stop and kneel down to the flowers, i started learning how to get the right angle and the right lighting, just like i did for you,

there was always an analogy a comparison a reason related to you as to why i found things beautiful, now i just do? because they are nature worked so hard to make so many beautiful things things that aren’t just you, my camera roll now full with photos of flowers, mushrooms, bugs animals, photos of the creek, and sun setting behind the mountains peaks, photos of my dog sleeping, my family, my friends, Myself.

i known i couldve gone on and on thinking about you and the pros and cons of you not being there in the sun smoking with me, i could’ve smoked my whole pack away and sat there all day and night thinking about you, but? i didn’t need to, i didn’t need to think about you every waking moment anymore, i needed to clean my ashtray and water my plants and brush and brush my hair, watch something i enjoy, and go on with my day.

i’m starting to find beauty in everything for myself, not just because i see you in everything beautiful,

I still Love You, Your thought and energy still lingers but it doesn’t haunt me anymore. The sun still shines brighter today but i don’t think it needs a reason too. e Sun Shined A Little Brighter Today particularly special day, a random Thursday in the middle of June,

you’d expect the sun to be out, beaming, hot and sweaty, the perfect day for everyone to be out and about, I almost stayed inside my apartment laying unmoving in the cool air

but I stepped out to smoke, needing to move or id spend another few hours on that floor thinking about god knows what, ignoring all the good reasons i should just go outside, i needed to smoke.

and then, the shined brighter as if just for me, brighter than it was just coming in from the window, as if it was proud i made the conscious decision to move and bask in the heat, and i thought, a gut wrenching and bittersweet thought.

does the sun shine brighter when you’re not here? does it hurt my eyes and burn my skin more when you’re not here to shine brighter then it?

when was the last time i stared at the sun and not you in all your beautiful glowing glory?

or was it that you were there? in the sun, in the trees and the birds i could hear singing just like you would, were you there in the flowers id grown to love and appreciate so much because i needed someone, something to take care of too feel whole?

did i just never appreciate the sun for her stunning heat when you’d provide me the same warmth and redness to my cheeks? i still pretend you’re here, mouthing silent words of false conversations to myself alone, i could ask myself a million different theories as to why the sun shines brighter when you’re not around and the answer would still taste the same, bittersweet.

my cigarette long gone as i let the breeze smoke it, maybe that was you too, sharing like we used to, i light another and look around, my ashtray needs to be emptied, and i still need to put stickers on my bike, and it’s past noon and i still haven’t brushed my hair and, my plants needed to be watered. i wouldn’t have realized it i hadn’t stepped out,

but i’ve been choosing to pay attention to the little things. to appreciate them, especially flowers. My camera roll once filled with photos of You so soft and beautiful now filled with flowers, all different types and colors,

it started with just pink flowers, there was so many pink flowers on my walk to work it was hard to ignore how vibrantly they stood out against the greenery, shitty shaky photos of pink flowers in passing, then i started going out of my way to stop and kneel down to the flowers, i started learning how to get the right angle and the right lighting, just like i did for you,

there was always an analogy a comparison a reason related to you as to why i found things beautiful, now i just do? because they are nature worked so hard to make so many beautiful things things that aren’t just you, my camera roll now full with photos of flowers, mushrooms, bugs animals, photos of the creek, and sun setting behind the mountains peaks, photos of my dog sleeping, my family, my friends, Myself.

i known i couldve gone on and on thinking about you and the pros and cons of you not being there in the sun smoking with me, i could’ve smoked my whole pack away and sat there all day and night thinking about you, but? i didn’t need to, i didn’t need to think about you every waking moment anymore, i needed to clean my ashtray and water my plants and brush my hair, watch something i enjoy, and go on with my day.

i’m starting to find beauty in everything for myself, not just because i see you in everything beautiful,

I still Love You, Your thought and energy still lingers but it doesn’t haunt me anymore. The sun still shines brighter today but i don’t think it needs a reason too.