I've been tossing these around. Help me out.

• "Dylan's 5th Annual 21st Birthday Party!"
• "Dylan Seaton's 25th Birthday Party: _Come celebrate a quarter century of mediocrity!_"
• "Dylan Seaton: _Now older than James Dean EVER was! (with only a small fraction of the career!)_"
• "Dylan's 25th: _I'm too old to check out teenage girls now, right? ...ok, yeah I thought so... just making sure._"
• "Dylan Seaton: _Ringing in 25 years of "Broodiness"_"
• "Dylan Seaton: _Single, poor, and 25... HELLOOOOOO COUGARS!_"
• "Dylan's 25! (and now slightly OLDER than most of the chicks his dad flirts with!)"
• "Dylan can now legally rent a car! Woo!"
• "25 Years of Dylan Seaton: _The second best thing to come out of 1984 after Scarlet Johansson._"
• "25 Years of Dylan Seaton: _The second worst thing to come out of 1984 after 'Karma Chameleon.'_"