• * I talked to you on the CB like I'd had 3 vodkas when I'd only had 2 #HotInCleveland
• I order you not to use that footage. Maxine Aires Ferreira, verbal signature.
• a good essay is like a girl's skirt. Long enough to cover the goods but short enough to keep it interesting

SNORG TEES:

• solid, liquid, gas...they all matter
• its ok pluto, I'm not a planet either

OTHER QUOTES:

• get away from me or I'll staple ur head to a wall. Lesbian.
• How cool is that! Macarena cool.
• Actually, we don't serve alcohol... but we do have healthy shots of wheat grass! Um that's cool...if u wanna be sober and vomit.
• New high score...is that good? What does that mean? Did I break it?
• Haha that's so funny the last time I heard that I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur
• You look like a prized chop.
• hey how are u? Oh I'm the best. I'll be right back. If u can't find me just look for greatness.
• you've got more than enough space... Right between ur ears.
• listen, I like her a lot...in a carnival side show kinda way
• dumb blonde. U must never refer to blondes that way! But they are so dumb!
• there are footballer's wives who would be happy with this quality of stitching...on their faces.
• what the french toast?!
• I think I have monogamy... I must have caught it from u people.
• It smells like a skunk that crawled out of another skunk's ass.
• I'm really good with numbers. if u give me ur cell phone number now I might be able to remember it.
• I don't pray before eating...my moms a great cook
• we'll see u later...if u need anything just, u know, get it.
• I was going to make a delicious dinner. Then I remembered I don't cook.
• I'm probably the coolest dork u'll ever meet. U probably wanna send me a friend request
• lets dress like whores to attract husbands
• So much to do. So few ppl to do it for me
• I have shoes older than you... but I'd like to try u on
• When I was 17, I got my first gang tattoo - ellen
• I know he's out there, I can feel it in my nuggets...
• I got both my shoes on today...without a fight.
• listen I'll be honest with u...i luv jesus but I drink a little.
• hello, anybody home? (dangerous dog growls) Anybody else?
• With or without mistletoe, I'm in the holiday mood
• well dont listen to her, she's italian, she exaggerates
• woa oh! How'd those words taste coming out of ur mouth
• its so brilliant it gives me braingasms
• such is life. And it's getting sucher and sucher.
• procrastination: hard work always pays off after time. But laziness pays off now.
• its nice to meet u all...especially whichever one of u is the bartender
• the great thing abt the world tday is that if u work hard and if ur dedicated u can actually be anything u wanna be. that's not true, I cant be a cockroach. Well not with that attitude, u can't.
• what! Did we just become best friends? High 5! - Stepbrothers
• I told u Not to let any strangers in! Who are these guys? Uuum... Who are any of us really? - Pushing Daisies
• I'm sorry about ur rhinoceros. Well, u cant go crying over a spilt rhinoceros
• most ppl who arent kardashians plan their weddings months in advance - jimmy kemmel on the ellen show
• look at these beautiful rims, one of a kind - they only make them stock
• Are u sure uv never done this before because ur driving like an absolute pro who...makes alota mistakes - elf on fred clause
• Do u hav a raisin? No. Well how about a date?
• no ur wrong, I do see the glass half full... of poison - woody allen scoop
• when god created men she was only kidding
• I'm a glass half full kinda guy...unless its a glass of vodka, then it would be empty
• absinthe makes the heart grow fonder - aletmarie
• doesnt this beach make u hungry? It looks just like pronutro - carina
• where there's a will... I want to be in it
• a picture is worth a thousand words but it uses up a thousand times the memory.
• the fact that no one understands u, doesnt make u an artist
• the only problem with portuguese food is that 5 or 6 days after the meal u start to feel peckish
• woody allen: I'm at a stage in life where if a girl says no 2me I'm profoundly grateful.
• he's having a stroke... Of genius!
• an erection is not considered personal growth
• this hickey should go well with the necklace I plan on buying u
• not now, I'm making a breakthrough - ive almost figured out our relationship
• ur the guy I'd wanna adopt an asian baby with someday
• Do you wanna speak to the man in charge or the woman who knows what's goin on?
• save ur breath. U'll need it later to inflate ur date.
• nooo! Girl wat r u saying no for? Don't say no! Well then ask me a question I can say yes to